Why It's So Hard To Achieve Your Goals... And What To Do About It

It's a new year, everything feels fresh and possible, and many people are attempting the ritual of setting goals for the year ahead. Could 2020 be the year that it finally comes together?!

Goals are about change - creating something new that's BRIGHTER, BIGGER and BETTER. Which is exactly why most goals never see the light of day!

Brighter-bigger-better isn't what your brain wants. It wants same, predictable and already-always.

Wait a minute! Why on earth would your brain not want you to achieve the goals you've set for yourself, to take the necessary steps to change your life for the better?

It's not that your brain doesn't want you to succeed. There's certainly nothing malicious in wanting you to stick with the same-old, same-old. It's just that what's more important to your brain is keeping you alive. Therefore, it keeps a watchful eye, looking out for any inconsistencies, gaps or deviations from the norm, and does its best to nip them in the bud.

Think about it this way - if you were living in a jungle teeming with wild animals, you'd want your brain to alert you to anything that would increase your vulnerability to these external threats. Your senses would therefore be on high alert if you were navigating unfamiliar territory, faced with challenges you'd never encountered before, or coming face-to-face with a new tribe.

In these situations, your brain's danger signals would be firing and your body would ready itself to either fight the potential threat or get as far away from it as quickly as possible. This is how the stress response - the fight or fight response - came to be such a powerful survival mechanism.

Nowadays there aren't many marauding tribes around, but from your brain's perspective the concrete jungle is still as threatening as the jungle of our forebears was. So the sudden changes you're wanting to make, the new territory you want to explore and the break from the norm you're contemplating all represent as much as of a survival threat.

This is such a valuable understanding to have! Often when we don't follow through on the big changes we want to make in our lives, we end up giving ourselves a hard time. "What's wrong with me? Why can't I make this happen?"

We then start to question our motivation. "Maybe deep down I don't really want this." And worse still: "Maybe nothing will ever change for me." And the downward spiral of despair can quickly take over.

Listen! You know what you want. You're committed to doing what it takes to achieve it. You're just working against a formidable force that wants to keep things the same. That's all.

So what can you do about it?

Anticipate the resistance. Dream wonderful dreams, but don't for one minute think that it's going to be smooth sailing. It can't possibly be; not if your brain has anything to do with it!

Work as much on building your internal capacity for change as you do on taking the external actions that will bring about the change. That means:

• Tuning your internal radar so that you catch the resistance early. This is about building self-awareness and your ability to notice what is happening internally as it's happening in the present moment.
• Learning to weather the storm of resistance, without trying to do anything to make it go away. That might sound nonsensical - surely you want to rid yourself of resistance, right? Not quite. Resistance is normal. Remember, it's your brain's attempt to keep you safe. If ever you were in a situation of mortal danger, you'd certainly want it to kick in for you. So let it be.
• As you learn to ride out the resistance, you teach your nervous system the art of discernment. Not every itch needs to be scratched! Some can simply be observed as you allow them to move through you.

Focus on what's working. Pay attention to what's working instead of focusing on what still needs to be done. Create mini goals - milestones you can tick off as you move towards your goal. This orientation towards progress will release reward chemicals in your brain that will make it easier to keep going.

Learn from every misstep and challenge. When things don't go according to plan you can either beat yourself up for failing, or you can shift how you look at the situation so that there's always something of value to learn from it. Not only will reframing challenges in this way help you feel better, it may even open up new possibilities you hadn't thought of.

2020 is still very young, and I'm guessing you have big plans for the year ahead. Give yourself the best chance of achieving the goals you've set for yourself this year. Use this understanding of how your brain works to propel yourself forward, even in the face of - the inevitable - resistance.

Dr Maria Phalime is a business and leadership coach, award-winning author and speaker.