Why It's Okay to Get Angry: Lessons from a Social Impact Leader

How's your heart today? ??

Today, I've been boiling with anger. It's a feeling that I'm not used to, and honestly, it's uncomfortable. But I've come to learn that there's wisdom in this unpleasant emotion.

Growing up, I never allowed myself to feel angry. I thought it wasn't a safe emotion, so I suppressed it in my subconscious. It wasn't until November when I went through a deep spiritual experience that I realized it's not that I don't get angry - I just don't recognize it.

In the past, I've avoided being around angry people, avoided conflict, and overperformed in many areas of my life just to avoid letting people down. But I've learned to dance with anger over the last few months. Here are a few things that have made me angry:

?? People who ghost or have shoddy communication patterns

?? The false narrative that we need to self-source all of our human needs

?? The purpose-driven economy that continues to employ exploitative "business as usual" tactics that reinforce the paradigms of colonialism and neoliberalism

?? Impact washing, greenwashing, healthwashing

?? The ongoing violation of the rights of all women (see: abortion rights, rights to gender-affirmative care)

?? People who talk a good talk but lack integrity

?? Personal development spaces that perpetuate dangerous narratives around gender norms and appropriate wisdom from Indigenous, Black and Brown cultures (and profit from it)

But here's what I've learned:

1?? Anger is data. It informs me when a boundary has been violated, a standard has not been adhered to, or a value has been compromised. For example, justice is incredibly important to me. So when I see someone who is "doing good" while perpetuating harm through utilizing oppressive tactics, it makes my blood boil.

2?? Most of the time, when I'm angry at something external to me, I'm also angry at something internal to me. Right now, I'm feeling betrayed by people who I trusted. When I look deeper, I'm also really upset with myself. I allowed myself to fully trust these people without having all of the data. I also gave my power away when I allowed these people to get into my brain, causing me to second-guess my judgment. They didn't gaslight me. I allowed myself to be gaslit. And that makes me mad.

3?? Anger can be fuel. I'm sitting with this feeling right now and seeing people make bank in the name of impact, who (from my perspective) are not practicing what they preach. I'm also seeing business leaders charge way more than I do and failing to deliver on their promises. I can use this anger as fuel, to be the courage I need to stop playing small and get myself out there.

I still have a long way to go in learning how to work with anger. I don't fully know how to express it, and if I'm completely honest, I'm still terrified to be around people who are angry. But I don't judge my success based on how far I have to go. I judge it based on how far I've come. Being able to sit with my anger and decipher what it's telling me and how I can use it to serve the greater good is a huge step.

3 practical strategies to learn to navigate anger in a healthy and productive way:

1. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is an effective technique that can help you focus on the present moment and become more aware of your thoughts and feelings. This can be incredibly helpful in managing anger, as it allows you to notice when you're starting to feel angry and take steps to prevent it from getting out of control. Meditation and breathwork are accessible tools to cultivate a mindfulness practice.
2. Identify your triggers: It's important to figure out what situations, events, or people tend to trigger your anger. Once you've identified your triggers, you can take steps to avoid them or plan how you'll respond when they occur. For example, if you know that a certain co-worker always makes you angry, you can prepare yourself to remain calm and composed when you interact with them. Discussing your triggers with a therapist or coach can also help you develop a plan for managing them.
3. Use constructive communication: Anger often arises when there's a breakdown in communication. It's important to learn how to express your feelings and needs in a constructive way. This means using "I" statements instead of "you" statements, focusing on the behavior rather than the person, and avoiding blame or judgment. Resources like the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) method and the book "Crucial Conversations" by Kerry Patterson and Joseph Grenny can be incredibly helpful in developing constructive communication skills.

How do you navigate your own anger? Do you avoid it, suppress it, or use it as fuel for positive change? As business leaders in social impact, we are faced with countless challenges and injustices that can make our blood boil. But instead of running from this discomfort, let's learn to dance with our anger and use it as data, fuel, and a catalyst for growth. By practicing mindfulness, identifying our triggers, and using constructive communication, we can harness the power of our anger and channel it into meaningful action. So the next time you feel yourself getting angry, take a moment to pause, reflect, and ask yourself: how can I use this emotion to serve the greater good?

Let's continue this conversation in the comments and share our own strategies for navigating anger in a healthy and productive way. ??

Until next time,