Why it's impossible to be a female identifying leader (still...)

(words taken from the Barbie 2023 movie and adapted by Jennifer Potter, Frankly)

It is literally impossible to be a woman leader. It kills me that most female leaders don't think they're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.

You have to be smart, but not too smart. And you can never say you want to be smart. You have to say you want to be successful, but also you have to be smart. You have to earn money, but you can't ask for a pay-rise because that's crass (and you should be grateful). You have to be a boss lady and meet the energy of the men so you get heard (despite having different hormones which give you totally different energy reserves), but you can't be mean, or too masculine (or you'll be considered threatening). You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas or speak over male leaders. You're supposed to love being a leader, but don't talk about your team all the damn time (or feelings - that makes you too womanly and soft). You have to be a career woman but you also have to always be looking out for other people at work and home and caring. And you have to be able to show up to the same amount of hours as the men (often more to prove yourself as worthy enough) despite the fact that you're already holding the majority of the emotional, mental and physical load at home. But don't moan, because, you're supposed to be grateful you got the chance to do jobs like this.

You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out or whistleblow, you're accused of complaining or fired (or have to go into hiding). You're supposed to stay pretty, but not so pretty that you tempt men too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood and the team and you don’t want to be fired for calling out bad behaviour, bullied or excluded (god you fought so hard to be here in the first place), so you stay quiet when you want to scream and shout. Play nice, but be courageous too. Share your opinions, be creative solve problems, speak your truth, but not too much.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never outshine your peers. And never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful (or you will be fired).

You have to never get old (you’ll become even more invisible), never be rude (you’ll be labelled emotional), never show off (you’ll be called too masculine), never be selfish (you’ll be called out for not being a team player), never fall down (you’ll be laughed at), never fail (you’ll be overlooked), never show fear (you’ll be picked on), never get out of line (you’ll be publicly shamed). Never ever ever question the system as it is (you’ll be tarred and feathered or exited from the business like you never existed there in the first place and labelled a trouble causer.

And this is just how it is for women leaders who are lucky enough to be born with white privilege. Overlay intersectionality of race, sexual identity, ableism and times this this difficulty by 300%+ and then some...

It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault (why can’t you just accept it for what it is/be a good team player) and enjoy your burnout??? But don’t take too much time off to recover.

We’re just so tired of watching ourselves and every single other woman leader (*conscious and caring leader) tie herself into knots so that people running businesses will respect us (enough to give up their seat at the table), to then find more energy to have a voice and be listened to (because it's not designed for women's energy), let alone be taken seriously and respected.

It's time to stop chasing perfection (it doesn't exist), stop putting other people's needs first and people pleasing (you'll never succeed, there are too many contradictory needs to cater to), stop being silent (especially in the face of sexism, racism, ableism, sexual identity). Start being you, speaking out, demanding, honouring your own boundaries, loving yourself more than you thought possible, doing what you do so well, collaborating, caring, creating, alchemy! And never ever give a shit what anyone else thinks... can't find a place to work where this is possible? Gather your sisters and brothers and build your own.

Inspired by the infamous speech taken from Barbie 2023 Movie.