Why It's Important to Give Yourself the Same Grace You Give Others

Have you ever found yourself being too hard on yourself when you mess up, but you give others a pass for their mistakes? It’s a common experience, and it can be detrimental to our emotional well-being. Not to mention, destroy your relationships with others.

The idea of giving grace to others when we don’t give ourselves grace is something that many of us struggle with. We hold ourselves to impossibly high standards and expect perfection in everything we do. But when it comes to others, we’re quick to forgive and forget.

Why is this? Perhaps it’s because we’re more forgiving of others because we can see their flaws more clearly. We see them as human beings who make mistakes, whereas we see ourselves as failures when we fall short. Or maybe it’s because we’re more empathetic to others’ struggles, but we don’t extend that same empathy to ourselves. Sometimes I think we fear that the friend will leave us if we call them out.

Whatever the reason, this pattern of behavior can be harmful to our emotional health. When we’re too hard on ourselves, we’re more likely to experience feelings of shame, guilt, and self-doubt. These negative emotions can lead to anxiety and depression, and they can make it difficult for us to find joy in our lives.

"Nobody will be harder on me...than me." That used to be a mantra of mine. I thought it was a badge of some sort. But it wasn't.

On the other hand, when we give ourselves grace and allow ourselves to make mistakes, we’re more likely to experience positive emotions like self-compassion and self-love. When we’re kind to ourselves, we’re better able to navigate life’s challenges and find happiness in the present moment.

So how can we break the cycle of being too hard on ourselves and not giving ourselves the same grace we give others? One way is to practice self-compassion. This means treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a good friend. We can also challenge our negative self-talk by reframing our thoughts in a more positive light.

I am still very much a work in progress with this. I don't catch myself early enough. BUT, I am taking the time to reflect after the words to myself come out. For a moment I think of myself as a guest in my own home. It's funny to me how clear and how quick it comes into focus.

How do you treat yourself better around performance?