Why it's hard to achieve your goals and how your brain can help.

So why is change so hard? It starts with our brains. At the simplest level, our brain’s primary function is to keep us alive and well. As a result, through millions of years of evolution, the “reptilian” parts of our brains (the stem and limbic system) are programmed to prefer the predictability and certainty of routines. Our brains prefer the familiar over the risks of the unknown – the risks of change. When the day-to-day danger of being eaten was very real, this preference certainly behooved us. However, in our current evolutionary stage, it is much less useful; and can hold us back from developing into the best version of ourselves. Just reflect on some of your own past choices. As humans, we often prefer the sub-optimal of the here and now, with its higher level of routine and certainty, versus taking a risk of an unknown and possibly better change. If this neuroscience primer has sparked some interest, check out the NeuroLeadership Institute. It has done groundbreaking research on the concept of SCARF (Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness). As a sidebar, our brain reacts to social threats and rewards similar to the way it reacts to physical pain. 

What can we do to enlist our brain to support the change we want to make? Below are a couple of practical tips and learnings I have developed in my life and career as a senior leader of large organizations. I now use them with my executive coaching and mentoring clients as we work on accelerating their leadership journeys. 

Define a goal that is clear, compelling, and inspiring. This helps to overcome the fear of failure and your brain’s natural resistance to deal with change. You need to be very specific about what you want to change, and what your desired future will look like. That future state (your goal) must be optimistic and inspirational, and it must draw you strongly towards it. Positive words that evoke compelling and desirable images in your mind are critical tools in supporting the change agenda inside of your brain. Another useful exercise is identifying the cost of doing nothing. How much will you pay to remain in the status quo? What is the “social pain” you will endure if you don’t make the change now? For example, compare “I want to be a leader who attracts and retains the best talent, creating the highest performing organization where employees have a purpose and make a difference daily.” Versus, “I need to be a more inclusive leader by improving my listening skills, stopping yelling and telling, and creating a less toxic workplace.” The feelings and images those two statements create are different. Close your eyes and visualize them. When you say and envision your goal, you get “goose-pimply feelings.” If you repeat your goal statement out loud, and it creates strong positive feelings that inspire and motivate you to take action – it has passed the test. Being in this state opens your mind and makes it receptive to change. 

Make your goal memorable. Repeat it out loud and think about if often. To make it memorable, I suggest a sentence with less than ~10 words. The goal should roll off your tongue at any time of the day. It is like making a declaration of your intentions and finding ways to talk and think about it regularly. Every time you do this, it will “juice you from the inside” as it evokes the positive images and feelings outlined above. Regular repetition of your goal is an important tool in helping you to “rewire” your brain towards your desired future. It allows you to establish new neural connections, and through frequent repetition, creates deeper mind maps in your brain - both important to support your change agenda. Making your goal known to others by making it a “declaration” can provide you with the right level of accountability. You can trick your brain’s fear of failing to your advantage here. Accountability is a motivator when times get tough, and when you think about giving up. 

Spend your energy on goals that are important now. Goals sharpen our focus as countless distractions compete for our energy and attention. Those distractions give our brain an excuse not to work on the change we most want to make at this point. On a scale of 1-10, your desire and energy levels to make this change need to be a 9 or a 10. Remember, change is hard. Don’t waste your appetite or energy on less important or impactful change goals. You need a high level of motivation and determination to re-wire your brain and to keep the momentum going. If you lack those, it’s likely not going to happen. Take the graveyard of well-intended New Year’s resolutions as proof points. 

Make your goal challenging, yet achievable. Your desired future needs to be a stretch slightly beyond your current capability and personal comfort zone. If it is too far out of reach, you will lose interest as your brain will give you the excuse “this was not realistic from the start”. If the goal is too easy, you won’t see it as an accomplishment as the effort was to easy. 

Make your goals measurable. Identify progress and celebrate wins along your change journey. It’s like training for a marathon. Nobody puts on sneakers and runs 42 km on day one. Identify well-defined progress milestones along your change journey. These milestones will help you to recognize and to appreciate your progress. They also allow you to celebrate your efforts. These wins will refuel and motivate you to continue to make progress on this difficult journey. Celebrating these wins will also support the rewiring process in the brain by creating a new habit loop. This loop will help you to make the unknown more predictable and certain. It will make the uncomfortable a lot more comfortable. Research has shown that depending on the difficulty of the goal it takes between 30 to 70 days to create new habits. That is a long time to get distracted. Splitting a bigger goal into smaller achievable chunks is a practical way to support the change journey. To stick with the running analogy, sign up for a 5K, a 10K a half-marathon, before going all the way. At the same time, show some self-compassion along the way. Be honest and realistic - you will have setbacks. You might skip your long weekend run because of bad weather. When these setbacks happen, reflect and focus on what you have learned and integrate those learnings into your next steps. An important thing to remember, even the small shifts you make will bring incremental progress with a big impact down the road. The key message, keep at it, despite some setbacks. 

To recap. Re-wiring your brain to achieve your change goals is hard. It requires the right mix of “head, heart, and gut” to be successful. Lasting change needs both an emotional connection and an intellectual understanding. Keep refining your goals until they are “goose-pimply.” Don’t just settle for good enough. They will set you up for the lasting and fulfilling change you want to make. 

Let us know your thoughts and experiences as you play or have played with the concepts above. #change #goalsetting #coaching #mentoring #leadership

About the author: Robby Swinnen is a former Fortune 50 Senior Executive with 30 years of experience leading global lines of business. He currently dedicates his passion for coaching and mentoring senior executives across a broad range of industries. He is a faculty member at the Hudson Institute of Coaching and is a strategic advisor to boards.