Why Introjects Prevent You From Being Your Full Self

Voicing your opinion matters even when it is contrary to groupthink.

The past week, I chose to either remain silent or express my true thoughts and emotions at work. Over the past pandemic year, I noticed a trend on most video conference calls. The majority of people have videos turned off. And given I’m both a visual and relational human being who prefers to see facial gestures and expressions, I find the experience challenging as it prevents me from deepening relationships in an environment where I’m relatively new.

My choice was to either remain silent and internalize my feelings or speak up and express what is on my heart in a tactful, meaningful way. I spoke up. On our Microsoft Teams company channel, I challenged people to consider turning their video on and cited psychological data expressing how half of the human brain monitors for visual queues. The result? Several people liked the post, and time will tell if the challenge will make a cultural impact.

The point of the story is not one where I’m seeking a pat on the back. Trust me; I’m far from perfect. I’m sharing the details with you because a choice was at stake, and in the scenario, the easier selection was to remain mute, digest my feelings and continue with the status quo. And when we decide to withhold our truth from others, the phenomenon is called introjection.

What Is Introjection

As a Gestalt Psychotherapy student and soon-to-be practitioner, my class and I were introduced to introjects in the first two years to understand the process and discover new truths about ourselves.

Introjects occur when a person remains silent despite holding a different idea or belief system and accepts what is being offered, providing the illusion of maintaining a relationship at the expense of loss of self.

They take in what teachers, doctors, psychologists, philosophers, parents, and culture tells them is acceptable without critically analyzing whether these modes of being fit them.

Remarks and behavior such as the following are great examples of introjects:

• This is the way things are.
• Always.
• Never.
• The bible says so.
• My mother always told me.
• Boys don’t cry.
• Listening to a partner’s comments about appearance and behavior and beginning to act in that manner.

Even Sigmund Freud, while some of his theories are considered outdated by today’s standards, was onto something. Goodtherapy.com describes:

Introjection, one of many defense mechanisms posited by Freud, occurs when a person internalizes the ideas or voices of other people. This behavior is commonly associated with the internalization of external authority, particularly that of parents.

The Repercussions Of Introjecting

Let’s return to the video conferencing example. If I remained silent and swallowed my emotions, I deny the self and others of my truth. And when a voice or opinion withholds from the space, everyone misses out on an opportunity to learn a fresh perspective, innovate, and practice being bold! In effect, you are placing the beliefs, concepts, and ideas over your personal needs.

Over time, a constant loss of self may cause psychological challenges and manifest in various physical forms. For example, if a person swallows their emotions over the years, they may walk with their head lower or a hunch, struggle with posture, or avert the eye's gaze. While there is no formula to how the physical body will behave, these are a few examples of possible reactions.

Introjects are not limited to per person only; the behavior can also be prevalent within organizations, especially ones where people feel familial ties to their coworkers. When introjects become dominant in a person or within an organization, fear is a present emotion preventing differences of opinion, one where the ecosystem of groupthink remains predominant.

What I’m curious to discover is the root cause of a person or organization's fear and potential outcomes:

• What is the worst that can happen if you speak your truth?
• Do people feel others will punish them for speaking up?
• If so, by who?’
• How severe is the punishment?
• What does history tell us about the dynamic?
• What is preventing the person or organization from moving past its introjects?

How To Gain Awareness Regarding Interjects

If introjection is a constant and figural part of a person’s personality, my best suggestion is to seek professional guidance through psychotherapy or psychological services.

However, for people who enjoy self-reflection and want to observe their behavior to determine if introjects are present, here are three simple steps to develop awareness:

1. Over the coming week, pay attention when someone such as a parent or authority figure communicates their thought or opinion to you. Does their belief differ from your own? What is your default reaction? How often do you accept another’s a statement as truth?
2. And when another expresses an opinion, pay close attention to your body. You can even experiment by playing with introjects. What happens internally when you accept statements at face value, knowing your truth lies elsewhere versus when you don’t? Where in your body do you feel the sensation? How intense is the feeling?
3. When you read articles on the internet written by people of social influence, are you naturally drawn to questioning the source and validity by default, or do you already know the accuracy of the content?

When you possess a natural curiosity about yourself and pay attention to how you react, the self-awareness will be revealing, even at a subtle level. Getting to know yourself and how you operate is a lifelong endeavor, one that indicates where additional work is required should you pursue the challenge. And knowing whom you introject with and why is key to answering one of life’s puzzles.

Let’s end on an embarrassing, humorous side note. Do you remember when I confessed to having a lot of flaws?

A few years ago, I was pressed for time to join a Zoom call while working from home. After scrambling out of the shower, I pulled my hair up in a towel and wrapped a loose towel around my body. In my mad dash to start the call, I accidentally left the video on, and everyone, yes 20 plus people saw my half-naked pasty-white body. All this to be said, sometimes turning your video off at compromising moments is best!

The original story was published on Medium 05-30-2021

Lisa Bradburn is transitioning into an Agile Coach and is a Gestalt Psychotherapist-In-Training. She writes about the intersection of technology and the human condition. Follow Lisa on Medium.