Why Imposed Belonging Feels Like a Lie

Let’s get real for a second.

A company says, “You belong here!” It’s slapped on posters, woven within onboarding speeches, and sprinkled into town hall meetings. The message is clear: belonging is non-negotiable here. Sounds great in theory, right? But here’s the kicker: belonging can’t be imposed. It’s something we feel—not something we’re told.

This is where things go sideways. When companies force the appearance of belonging without creating the space for everything that goes along with it, employees feel pressured to perform belonging. They smile, nod, and attend every team event, but inside, they’re screaming, “I don’t belong, but I can’t say that out loud.”? This disconnect creates what I call the workplace version of duck syndrome: on the surface, employees look calm, confident, and connected—like ducks gliding smoothly across the water—but underneath, they’re paddling frantically to keep up appearances. Faking belonging is exhausting and unsustainable. It erodes mental health, stifles creativity, and leads to feelings of isolation, resentment, and burnout. Over time, employees lose trust in themselves and their workplace, afraid that speaking their truth will make them seem weak, ungrateful, or not “part of the team.” Forcing employees to fake it doesn’t just silence them—it pushes them further from any sense of true belonging they may have once experienced.

Imposed belonging creates a dangerous dynamic. It invalidates the individual experience of what belonging really feels like and, instead, replaces it with a shallow narrative. When someone feels disconnected but is told they "belong," it gaslights their internal experience.

Employees start asking: Is it me? Am I the problem?” “If I don’t feel like I belong, does that mean I’m failing here?” “If I say something, will they think I’m not a team player?” The result? Silence. And silence kills true belonging.

Belonging Is Not? an All-or-Nothing Concept

Let’s pause momentarily and clear something up: there’s more than one type of belonging. My research identified not just true belonging (the feeling of connection without sacrificing who you are) and thwarted belonging (lack of belonging) but also sacrificial and dissimulated belonging. Unfortunately, those with sacrificial or dissimulated belonging are more likely to feel imposed belonging differently:

1. Sacrificial Belonging: When employees consciously or subconsciously give up their well-being, values, or identity just to feel accepted or for the greater good of the company.
2. Dissimulated Belonging: Dissimulated Belonging occurs when one is not candid and sincere, does not feel a sense of belonging but pretends that they do, or disconnects from an environment on purpose. That does not mean that people with dissimulated belonging don’t have a strong sense of belonging; it’s just not based on or related to the workplace.

Individuals with Sacrificial Belonging and Dissimulated Belonging feel particularly anxious about imposed belonging in the workplace because it conflicts with their established coping mechanisms. For those with sacrificial belonging who have already compromised their well-being, values, or identity to fit in, imposed belonging amplifies the pressure to conform further. This can deepen their feelings of inadequacy and lead to burnout, as they feel their sacrifices are never enough to meet organizational expectations. On the other hand, those with dissimulated belonging consciously maintain emotional detachment from the workplace. Imposed belonging forces them to engage in activities or cultural norms they do not authentically value, creating stress and heightening the discomfort of pretending to care when they do not.

Both groups experience heightened anxiety because imposed belonging feels like a demand for conformity rather than an invitation for authentic connection. It exacerbates the inauthenticity they already feel and erodes psychological safety, as these individuals fear judgment, exposure, or further marginalization. Instead of fostering genuine connection, imposed belonging risks alienating them further, reinforcing disconnection or driving disengagement.?

When companies declare, “You all belong here,” without acknowledging the individual experience of belonging, they risk pushing employees into these unhealthy patterns.

But We’re a Family

When leaders or organizations say, “We’re a family,” they may have the best intentions, but this well-meaning phrase often imposes a false sense of belonging that can harm our mental health. A workplace isn’t a family; it’s a professional environment where people collaborate to achieve shared goals. Families are built on unconditional love, lifelong commitment, and deeply personal connections—things that workplaces, by their very nature, cannot guarantee. When companies equate themselves to families, they create unrealistic expectations for emotional investment, loyalty, and sacrifice. Employees may feel pressured to prioritize work above their personal boundaries, values, and even well-being in ways that mimic toxic dynamics, leading to guilt, resentment, or burnout.

This rhetoric is particularly dangerous because it blurs the lines between professional and personal identities, making it harder for individuals to advocate for themselves or step away from unhealthy environments. Employees may feel coerced into staying in roles or organizations that no longer serve them because leaving feels like "betraying the family." Worse, the phrase can be weaponized to manipulate individuals into overworking or accepting poor treatment under the guise of "tough love" or "doing what’s best for the family." By imposing belonging through this narrative, companies risk fostering environments where authenticity is stifled and employees sacrifice their mental health to meet unrealistic expectations. A healthier approach is creating workplaces prioritizing respect, empathy, and connection without forcing employees to conflate their professional roles with familial ties.

Companies Need to Stop Imposing Belonging

Here’s the truth: belonging is a deeply personal experience. It’s not something that can be handed down like a policy or cheerfully announced over Slack.

Belonging happens when employees feel cared for/about, seen, heard, and valued—not forced to conform but rather embraced for what makes them unique, where authentic relationships are prioritized over performative workplace cultures. And guess what? When belonging is real, people thrive. They collaborate, innovate, and stay. When it’s imposed? They shut down, check out, and leave.

So, if imposed belonging is the problem, what’s the solution?

1. Create Psychological Safety: Make it okay to say, “I’m not feeling a sense of belonging right now.” Normalize conversations about disconnection.
2. Stop the Blanket Statements: Instead of saying, “You all belong here,” ask, "What does belonging look like for you? How can we support that?”
3. Train Leaders to Recognize Belonging Signals: Managers have more impact on belonging than you think; they have the biggest impact on employees' sense of belonging. Train them to look for signs of misalignment.
4. Understand the Belonging Spectrum: Not everyone must find purpose and meaning at work. And that’s okay! Don’t punish employees for needing less or different forms of connection.

Belonging isn’t something we can force. It’s earned. It’s nurtured. And it’s felt. So, let’s stop imposing it and start creating the conditions where belonging can thrive.

To Employees Feeling Imposed Belonging

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Beth, that’s me. I don’t feel like I belong, but I can’t say that out loud,” you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with you. Belonging is not about fitting in. It’s about finding alignment without sacrificing your individuality. And if you’re masking your experience, take small steps—ask yourself what you need, and be honest with yourself first.

If this resonates, share your thoughts below. Let’s talk about it. How do you think companies can move from imposing belonging to fostering it?

Join the conversation below, join @ Belonging at Work (TM) and Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbethkaplan/?

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