Why I’m Opposed to Post-Game Snacks for Everyone

As a parent, I'm all for celebrating our kids' achievements and providing some post-game rehydration and energy. But when did post-game snacks become an all-inclusive event? When did feeding every child on the sidelines become part of the deal?

Why It Matters

This isn't just about snacks; it's about the messages we send to our kids. Are we teaching them that rewards come without effort? That simply being present entitles them to the same treatment as those who actively participate? Small habits build up over time, and this trend could shape our kids' expectations in ways we don't intend.

The Snack Expectation Dilemma

The Situation:?After a little encouragement, my 12-year-old started playing rec soccer (which I am grateful he has the opportunity to do). His default is to hang out indoors, and I love that rec sports give him a low-pressure way to stay active, bond with his friends/team, and build teamwork skills. After this weekend's recent game in 84-degree weather, the kids were spent, sweaty, and ready for a post-game snack.

But here's where things get complicated.

The Problem:?As has become the norm, not only are parents expected to sign-up to provide enough snacks for the entire team (in this case 18 kids!), but also for any siblings who show up. I

And, honestly, this feels like the "everyone gets a trophy" mentality creeping into snack time.

What are we teaching our kids when we hand out snacks to those who didn't play? It’s one thing to support the team, but it’s another to send the message that just showing up entitles you to the same reward as those who participated.

Everyone Gets a Snack: Is It Fair?

Is This Reasonable??I get it—no one wants to deny a little kid a snack. But the expectation that every sibling gets fed is, in my opinion, a step too far. And not just because it raises the question: are we teaching our children that they deserve something for nothing?

The Cost of Inclusion:?Beyond the message we are sending our kids about entitlement, feeding 18 kids and their siblings adds up. It cost us almost $50 this weekend for snacks and drinks. While I’m fortunate to be able to handle this expense, not every family can. What about those who can't afford to provide snacks for everyone? The expectation that everyone who shows up - to play or cheer - gets a snack creates inequity for our families.

Teaching Effort vs. Entitlement

Snacks are a nice way to celebrate the effort the kids put into the game - a moment of camaraderie, and a small reward for the sweat and energy they’ve just poured onto the field. But what are we telling them when we give snacks to everyone, including those who didn't play? Are we blurring the line between rewarding participation and promoting entitlement?

I Think About it This Way: Offering the same reward to everyone, regardless of effort or involvement, dilutes the value of that reward. We often hear about the importance of teaching kids the value of hard work and perseverance. Yet, if they see that the same reward is given to everyone, regardless of effort, it can undermine these lessons.

What Happens When the Stakes Are Higher?

Consider what happens when they start to believe that showing up is enough to earn recognition or reward. They might begin to expect praise for minimal effort or assume they’re entitled to the same outcomes as others who put in more work. This can lead to frustration, confusion, and even resentment as they grow older and face situations where effort and results aren’t equal.

Does a post-game snack have to become a lesson about effort, reward, fairness? No. It's very possible I am blowing this way out of proportion.

However, I do believe that all of these little messages add up and these small, repeated actions contribute to shaping our children's expectations and sense of entitlement.

It's Our Job: It's our job as adults to help our kids understand that rewards are tied to actions. It's our job to prepare them for a world where effort is recognized and appreciated, and entitlement doesn’t guarantee success. By setting clear boundaries and expectations now, we’re helping them build a healthy relationship with effort and reward that will serve them well throughout their lives.

What’s the Solution?

Navigating this situation isn't just about finding a simple fix, unfortunately, and I wish I had taken some time to consider my options for how to handle. Here's what I've come up with for next time.

Have Difficult Conversations: Talking to other parents about expectations and food values can be challenging, especially when it feels like you’re going against the grain. But these discussions are important. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of providing snacks for everyone, it’s okay to voice that concern. By having these conversations, we’re not only advocating for our own boundaries but also making it easier for others who might feel the same but are hesitant to speak up.

Consider Your Commitments:?Before volunteering, it’s worth taking a moment to consider what you're committing to. Are you comfortable with the potential cost and expectation? Are you okay with what this means for you and your family? Did the organizer clearly state “Please bring enough for players and siblings” and you just read the sign-up too quickly and didn’t see the specification? Being mindful of these decisions helps avoid resentment and makes it easier to say no if it doesn’t feel right. It’s not about shirking responsibility but about ensuring that our contributions reflect our values and capabilities.

Set Boundaries:?It’s also crucial to set personal boundaries. I agreed to bring snacks, I should have been super clear about what was expected and what I was willing and able to provide. It’s okay to say, “I’m happy to bring snacks for the players, but I won’t be able to cover siblings as well.” Setting this expectation from the beginning can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that we’re contributing in a way that aligns with our values.

Redefine Support:?Consider this: maybe you don’t sign up for snacks. Maybe you find another way to support the team that doesn’t add burden or resentment. Whatever it is, it should be something that feels good and is sustainable, not just something you feel pressured to do.

Having these conversations and setting these boundaries isn’t easy, but it’s necessary for creating a healthy, respectful environment for ourselves and our kids. It’s about more than just snacks; it’s about teaching our children—and reminding ourselves—that it’s okay to set limits and that we don’t have to do it all to be good parents and community members.

Questions to Consider

• Are we fostering an unhealthy sense of entitlement by providing snacks to everyone, regardless of participation? Does that matter?
• What is reasonable to ask of our fellow parents?
• How can we set fair expectations for post-game snacks? How can parents support this in their littles?
• Is there a way to celebrate participation without creating inequity or a sense of entitlement?

Final Thoughts

I signed up for snack duty - without the careful thought I should have given it - and I fulfilled my commitment. But next time, I plan to be a little more thoughtful about how I approach this request and hope that I can walk away feeling less resentment and setting a better example for my kids.