Why I’m always early (a post ahead of its time)

Since my early 20s I have suffered a condition many would consider a great skill.

It afflicts me most when I have to meet someone somewhere I haven’t been before. Its symptoms are pacing around, constantly checking the time and feeling the need to ask receptionists “Have you told them I’m here?”

Early Arrival Disorder may not be the world’s biggest health crisis, but it isn’t a skill either. I’d like to raise awareness about this little-known affliction.

For one thing, it can be incredibly annoying for others. I put it alongside noisy eaters, toothbrush packaging and in-flight seat-back screens that don’t work, for its annoyance factor.

I would even rank it more annoying that the inverse disorder - Delayed Appearance Syndrome (also known as Constant Tardiness). The one thing more annoying than someone arriving late to a meeting is someone who arrives incredibly early.

There is only one person in the world who is allowed to be way early, and that is a keen graduate at their first job interview.

Around the world, millions of these poor suckers are right now sweating nervously on sticky office couches, waiting far longer than necessary for the footsteps that could set them on the path to wealth and glory.

And that’s okay. It’s fine. They’re not to know that actually they make the whole procedure far more stressful for themselves this way. They’ll learn.

Earliness avoidance strategies

These days, when I find myself in the awkward position of standing outside a building with 30 minutes to spare, I execute earliness-avoidance strategies, such as taking an extra lap of the block before finally pushing through the door.

This not only sidesteps the undesirable effects of EAD (such as irritable receptionists) but also calms the nerves before I step into the meeting.

However, this remedy has side-effects, sometimes financial. The last time I took an earliness-avoidance lap of the block, I bought a TV.

Sufferers of Constant Tardiness may baulk at my “affliction.” Explaining the concept of earliness to a sufferer of DAS can feel a bit like explaining evolution to a Creationist. It simply doesn’t belong in their world.

And when constant latecomers try to explain their condition to me, I probably feel like a Creationist feels when confronted by Darwin’s ideas.

Given a choice between earliness and tardiness, I would of course choose earliness, because at least you don’t miss out. Two experiences make me feel greater sympathy for those who are always late.

Latecomers miss out

A few years ago I was interviewing candidates for a junior role at a financial magazine in London and one of the candidates turned up late. Twenty-four hours late.

Perhaps it’s not correct to call this tardiness - it was clearly a case of a wrong day - but at the time it felt to me, the interviewer, as tardiness.

After five minutes it was minor. After 15 minutes it became surprising. At 25 it was frustrating and after an hour he had written himself out of the role. I moved on to other candidates for the rest of the day.

When he turned up the next day (at the correct hour, I should generously point out), my co-interviewer and I were kind enough not to mention his ‘tardiness’ in the interview.

A few years later I was living in India, and had arranged what I expected to be a barnstormer of a first date.

I had recently been in a Bollywood movie as an extra. My ‘starring’ role took place in the first few minutes - I clambered over a cliff, took photos of terrorists and then was promptly shot and killed, all before the opening credits.

My idea was to take her to the movie, watch the opening minutes, see her gasp and laugh when her movie date appeared in the actual movie, then we would leave, go to dinner, kiss and live happily ever after.

Except - she was late. Forty-five minutes late. I dallied around the theater entrance like a fanboy to my own movie.

When she finally turned up I had been ‘dead’ for 43 minutes. When I explained the reason for choosing that particular movie, she made a surprisingly casual apology, as if I hadn’t just spent the last week anticipating this little piece of dating genius.

Needless to say we did not work out.

The cure

So being late is, in general, far worse than being early. Being On Time (the cure for both Early Arrival and Constant Tardiness) shouldn’t be that complicated.

1. Set a time to do something
2. Do it at that time

Nevertheless, for many of us it appears impossible, which is why I hedge my temporal bets and err on the side of early.