Why I'll Never Ask My Child, 'What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up?'

The question is so common that most of us have heard it during our childhood. But what's the issue with this seemingly innocent question?

Actually, quite a bit.

It's always struck me as odd that we expect kids to answer this question, often at a very young age. I've grappled with it throughout my life, and even now, at 38, I still don't have a clear answer. I've always admired those who knew what they wanted to be from an early age, whether it was a doctor, a veterinarian, a police officer, a bartender, a barista, or anything else. Unfortunately, I was never one of those people.

Earlier this year, I initiated an interview series of influential women in the tech industry. Beyond learning about each person's incredible journey, I wanted to extract something truly inspiring from my interviews, something I believe would resonate with and inspire others.

Two weeks ago, I had the privilege of interviewing Amy Prado , an exceptional mother who also serves as the Marketing Director at Structured Communication Systems . Amy began her career in journalism, transitioned into the tech industry, took a break to be a stay-at-home mother for a brief period, and then returned to the world of technology. Her journey is nothing short of fascinating and inspiring. During our conversation, Amy offered me a fresh perspective on this seemingly innocent question. Amy said:

"Life consists of multiple acts, and we craft our own story. My son's decision to pursue his passion now while keeping college as an option reflects a changing paradigm, where norms are questioned, and opportunities are boundless."

Amy explained that her son is currently pursuing his passion to become a firefighter. She not only encourages him to follow his dream but also sees this as one of many 'acts' in his career, with college as a possible next act, and something entirely different for his third act, and so on.

Our discussion made me realize that my career is also made up of multiple acts. Reflecting on that, I realized that we shouldn't ask our children, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Here's why:

You can be more than one thing: Consider how many parents would have raised an eyebrow or even laughed if their child had said ten years ago that they wanted to be a "YouTuber" when they grew up. Probably most of them, as that wasn't even considered a real job back then. Yet today, many kids dream of becoming YouTubers or influencers, because today it is a real job.

The world evolves rapidly, and there are careers and opportunities that we can't even imagine yet, which will be accessible for the next generation. Just think about the recent advancements in AI over the past year. Therefore, how can a child possibly predict today what they will want to do in 10 or 20 years, especially when we can't predict what opportunities will emerge for them?

The question "What do you want to do when you grow up?" falls short because it implies that you choose a single career path, which is far from the truth. In reality, you can explore and pursue multiple paths and continually seek new opportunities as they arise.

You will never truly be a "grown-up": When we ask this question, it can create the impression that children magically become "grown-ups" at a particular age, such as 18, 21, or even 30. However, I don't believe in such a magical transformation. This concept may even lead to procrastination. In reality, the transition to adulthood happens gradually and doesn't have a specific fixed point.

On the flip side of all of this, if you do know what you want to do, there's no need to delay. Go for it! The idea that one must reach a mystical threshold of adulthood before pursuing one's dreams also sends the wrong message.

If you have a moment, I highly recommend checking out this list of TED Talks by kids who didn't wait.

Thanks to Amy's perspective, I'm now much more at ease with the fact that I never had a clear career path, and I still don't. I see my career as a series of acts, and I'm happy with where I am right now; I'm not in a hurry to rush into the next act.

Regardless of the act you find yourself in, whether you have children or not, instead of viewing a career as a straight and unchanging path, embrace the idea that it'll always be a work in progress. You'll continue to learn, grow, and you'll never reach a point where you're truly "finished."

So, when my son grows older, instead of asking him, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I plan to ask questions like:

• What subjects or topics do you find exciting to learn about?
• What sparks your curiosity?
• What kind of experiences are you eager to have?
• What are your aspirations in life?
• What challenges or problems do you wish to solve?

Most importantly, I'll ask him, "How can I support you in achieving these goals?"

Amy, thank you for helping me see things in this new light. You're not only an outstanding mother and a skilled marketer but also a true source of inspiration.