Why I write?

This article was previously published on Medium on May 20, 2023. Medium Link.

I started writing when I turned 35. It was also the year I was diagnosed with cancer. Hearing the dreaded ‘C word’ reminded me of my mortal existence on this planet. I realized that my time was limited, and I may not get to see my kids grow up, let alone grow old, and meet my grandkids. My dreams of becoming ‘cool grandma’ were crushed. I started to think about what I could do to overcome this situation. How can I tell my kids everything I want to tell them about life, about my experiences, about?…everything..if I was?..DEAD?

I thought about my grandparents and their parents, whose memory keeps fading with each second of passing time. There isn’t much to remember them by other than what remains etched in memory. Their stories, their accomplishments, and their personalities dissolve with each passing generation.

I didn’t want to dissolve. I didn’t want to be just a?—?memory. So I decided I would write. I would write whatever I felt like writing about, even if it didn’t meet the “standards” of writing, even if no one read it (today or ever), and even if it was hard to write about certain topics. I would write. I would write for myself, and I would for my kids and grandkids and their kids. It wasn’t that I wanted to live on or leave a legacy. I wanted my ideas, learnings, insights, and experiences to live on through my words.

Thankfully, cancer didn’t kill me. But it gave me a gift?—?A sincere appreciation for life and, in the process, unearthed a hidden ability that I didn’t know I possessed?—?writing!

Here is why I write —

For my children, their children, their children’s children

The best way to parent your children is by being a great role model for them. This means you practice what you preach. This means you show them what you expect from them by setting an example through your words, actions, and choices. I am such a parent. I practice what I preach (most of the time-?:) Nobody’s perfect, get over it! ). I am sometimes demanding, but I only ask for what I can do myself. If I don’t practice eating well, then I cannot expect my kids to do the same. If I don’t practice self-care, I have no right to teach my kids to do the same. You get my point.

I sincerely hope that someday, my great-grandchildren will read what I have written and derive inspiration from it. I hope they read my words and know that life is incredible, infinite, immeasurably abundant, and a great big adventure?—?all of it?—?the good, the bad, and the ugly. All of it is amazing, and to live it out to the fullest is the greatest success you can achieve!

To the future generations of my genes?—?I want you to know that I LOVE YOU even before you come into this world. I will always be there to guide you as a spirit (or spirited?;) old grandma) through life and its many ups and downs. I will whisper in your ear when you need the guidance to move forward, and I will stand behind you when you need the support. I will be there for you, always, my beautiful children!

When Saraswati whispers in my?ear

Saraswati is the Goddess of education, knowledge, and learning. She is worshipped for her powers to grant you the ability to harness your creative powers. I strongly believe that I can only write with her blessings. This is how it usually works. I write when I hear the words coming to me. It happens at random times in the most random places. When it comes, it flows like a river. I have to find the time to sit down and type it out. If I don’t do it immediately, it leaves me. And once it leaves, it is gone for good. Ideas have come to me while I was driving or doing something without the ability to write it down. If I didn’t get the chance to write it down, the ideas are gone. Even if I remember fragments of the ideas, it becomes next to impossible to write anything unless I do it at that moment. Sometimes, an idea will revisit me. It is the most delightful experience when this happens. I find this very strange, but I enjoy the randomness and spontaneity of this process. Feels very sacred to me. I plan to maintain it as it is. I listen when the Goddess whispers in my ear and diligently execute her prose.

Writing for the women who came before?me

I realize how lucky I am?—?for the ability to be who I am, to speak my mind, to pursue my dreams, to raise beautiful children, to be in an equal partnership with a supportive spouse, to be able to explore life with optimism! When I write, I can feel the generations of women in my family who came before who may not have had the privileges I enjoy today. Something as simple and normal as ‘speaking your mind’ was not something they were allowed to do. Following their dreams was next to impossible. But I hope they see what I am doing with my life and feel a sense of accomplishment that what they did was not in vain. They helped raise the next generation of strong, ambitious, giving, compassionate women. I look at all the incredible women in my family, and I am so proud of all of them. They are all trailblazers in their own right. I listen to the souls of the ones who have passed on because that is where the inspiration, the drive, and the grit come from. It is not my doing but a legacy that has been handed down to me. I only have to invoke it because it is all there, thanks to them!

Writing is meditation

If you know what ‘monkey brain’ is, then you know how insanely agonizing it is to live with it. I suffer from ‘monkey brain’?—?many thoughts, many ideas, many interests, many anxieties, hopping from one thing to the other in rapid succession. I often feel exhausted by my own thought process. How did I get this way? Writing helps tame the monkey brain. When you write, you focus. Your thoughts become linear instead of zig-zagging all over the place. I feel a sense of calm when I write. So I think of it as a way to meditate. When I am not writing articles, I have a meditative writing practice of writing a mantra. My mantra is quite simple, it is the word?—?RAM, the lord's name (from the epic Ramayana). I write it in Hindi and repeat it for as long as I feel like writing. My monkey brain is still around when I do this practice, but it is relatively calmer than when I am not writing. For me, writing is meditation!

Someone out there needs to hear?it.

Sometimes, I write about random stuff, like the article I wrote about wearing white all the time and the story behind how that came about. Or the story about how I believe a woman’s place is in the kitchen. They were derived from my personal experiences. They make sense to me and led to some profound discoveries in my own life. I am often blown away when I hear from strangers about how my writing has influenced their thinking or struck a chord with them. It is delightful to hear it, even though I don’t write to be appreciated or acknowledged. Something about hearing how you helped someone connect the dots is actually quite intrinsically motivating! So, I write for someone out there who needs to hear it!

Writing amplifies speech

Writing is a great way to amplify what you are saying. It is also a silent form of speech?—?it sounds counterintuitive, but it truly is. It allows you to process your thoughts, organize information, and say it in the best way possible. You don't have the luxury of doing this when you speak. Speaking is a LOT more spontaneous. And it is gone in the next moment. But writing lives on. It can be processed. It can be discussed. It has more potential to facilitate a dialogue.

I use my writing, especially about my work with The Accidental Ally, a social enterprise I founded in 2020, to discover, nurture, and empower the next gen of disabled talent to amplify our vision and mission. Writing down our manifesto was a pivotal moment in our work. It was when I could clearly communicate to the world who we are, what we do, and why we do what we do.

Writing amplifies speech, and we need to do more of it!

Writing leads to self-discovery and self-love.

I don’t do this often, but when I have rough days, I will revisit something I have written. I especially like “listening” to what I have written. On Medium, there is an option to have a voice read an article to you. I choose the British guy, dont ask me why. I like how he sounds.

Listening to my own words play back to me has helped me develop a deep appreciation for myself, for who I am, and for the essence of my soul. It has helped me reconnect to the “real me” who was buried under the rubble of life! I have been able to extend a hand to her and pull her out of the rubble. The real Gayatri is actually quite delightful. She is about 5 years old, loves what life has to offer, enjoys simple things, loves to love all of god’s creations, and is deeply grateful for EVERYTHING.

It has been a life changing experience to reconnect with her. If it weren’t for the writing, she would remain buried under that rubble forever and perhaps never see the light of day.

I write for Gayatri because I love her.