Why I won't return to "normal"

The return to office conversation is giving me hives.?

It’s not that I can’t return to the office. It’s that I won’t.?

For me and countless others, working from home was the silver lining of the pandemic. And after the initial adjustment period (repeat after me: we’re all in this together), we proved that working remotely works – companies made record profits and productivity soared. Yet suddenly, it’s back to the office or beware. As a coworker wryly commented the other day, it’s as though the billionaire group-chat agreed to unilaterally activate Return to Office Mode.

Would my family survive if I went back to the office? Sure, we’d make it work. But here’s the thing: I don’t want to. I don’t want to unlearn everything I discovered during the pandemic. I refuse to sacrifice quality of life for a perceived quality of work.?

In early 2020, my kids were small – ages 2 (daycare) and 5 (kindergarten) – and I was commuting 3 to 4 days a week for 2+ hours each day. Because my husband started work early in the mornings, a typical weekday looked something like this:?

6:30 am – Husband leaves for work; kids wake up

6:30 to 7:30 am – Frantically get three humans fed, dressed, and ready for the day

7:45 am – Drop-off #1: School (simultaneously coaxing a shy 5YO to remove his death-grip on my legs while getting a feral 2YO out of and back into his carseat)

8 am – Drop-off #2: Daycare (bonus points if 2YO didn’t completely lose his shit)

8:15 to 9:15 am – Brave the West Seattle bridge and Seattle traffic to the Eastside?

9:15 am to 5 pm – Make marketing magic

5 to 6:15 pm – Brave traffic, again. Destination: Daycare.?

6:30 to 7 pm – Prep and eat dinner

7:15 pm – Kid bedtime (alternate Hard Kid and Easy Kid bedtime duty with husband)

8 pm – Collapse?

(Repeat)?

Back then, during the developmental period when my kids were changing seemingly overnight, I saw them for about two hours, tops, each day. And 95% of that time was spent RUSHING – to school, from daycare, through dinner, to bed. There were a lot of feelings and a real absence of quality time. It was exhausting.

Then the pandemic hit.

Don’t get me wrong: It was a shit show. Trying to work (and helping my boss sprint to write her book) while teaching and entertaining a kindergartener and a very active 2YO was pure and utter chaos. It was one of the most trying periods of my life. But, over time, the dust settled.

My littlest went back to daycare. My oldest spent a magical [masked] summer at outdoor camp. (YMCA, we owe you a huge debt of gratitude.) I quit my full-time job, and formed a home-school co-op with a few other first-grade families. I gradually transitioned into part-time consulting work and then – finally – both my kids were back in school.?

As a pandemic-era consultant, I worked exclusively from home. I never met my clients in person, but thanks to the wonders of technology, that wasn’t an issue. Though I continued to do great work, I felt like a new life-level had been unlocked: Time Back.?

Without my commute, I had more time – for myself, my family, and my work. Today, with a Kindergartner and a fourth grader, the typical weekday looks something like this:?

6:30 am – Husband leaves for work; kids wake up

6:30 to 7:30 am – Don sweats. Get two kids fed, dressed, and ready for school.

7:30 to 7:45 am – Walk to school drop-off?

8 to 9 am – Walk with podcast and coffee, in the neighborhood greenbelt if I’m lucky. (Alternately: Grocery shop, meet a friend for coffee or a walk, volunteer at my kids’ school, etc.)

9 am to 4 pm – Make marketing and content magic

4 pm – Husband picks up kids from after-school program

4 to 5 pm – Finish out the work day while kids play, read, and/or terrorize husband

5 to 7 pm – Dinner and family time?

7:30 pm – Kid bedtime (alternate bedtime and clean up duties with husband)

8 to 10 pm – Work out, finish some work, split chores, or read until bedtime?

I still do great work – hell, I even work MORE now that it’s always at my fingertips – but I have a lot more time with my family, too. I’ve gone from two hectic hours a day with my kids to four-plus hours. It’s not all butterflies and rainbows, but we have more time for silliness and connection. Our morning walks to school are my favorite part of the day. My schedule isn’t completely derailed when a kid inevitably gets sick. I hardly drive my car, I move more, and I spend far less money on food and coffee. Most importantly, I have a little room to breathe.

Breathing looks different for everyone. For some, it’s escaping the daily microaggressions around every corner at the office. For others, it’s working in an environment where they’re more focused and productive. Or keeping harmful germs from themselves or their loved ones. Or having the ability to live outside a major hub or closer to family and friends. Or stepping outside the restrictive confines of a space built for white, cis, straight men.

So you’ll understand why I have a near-allergic reaction to the return to office conversation. For the last three-plus years, we’ve collectively shown our employers that we can work from anywhere. Along the way, we’ve shown ourselves that life can be different. We can do great work AND have more time for the things that matter most.?

I don’t have a job that requires me to be physically present, like a daycare teacher, nurse, or delivery driver. It’s not like my team would all be in the same office, anyway. My manager lives in San Francisco. Sure, some of my teammates live around Seattle, like me, but others are in Maui, Portland, San Jose, Indianapolis, and Chicago. We work closely with folks from everywhere from Argentina to Australia.?

Yet, corporate America has collective amnesia. It wants to return to a reality that no longer exists – a reality that 60%+ of us have no desire to return to. Despite three years of results, it’s almost as if we’re to pretend these last few years never happened at all.?

I don’t share my story because it’s unique. It’s not. I’m not asking you to feel sorry for me – I’ll be the first to admit how deeply privileged my family and I are. And it’s grossly unfair that white, high-income employees have a disproportionately higher ability to work from home. I’m not petitioning for an exemption: Privileged folks and high performers shouldn’t operate with a different rule book.

I share my story because I want to rewrite the rule book.

I want you to see the many intangible ways my life is better now than it was before 2020. Working remotely affords me a richer quality of life, in turn making me not only a better person and mother, but also a better employee.?

Corporate America, please don’t ask us to unlearn what we’ve discovered and return to "normal." Trust us to continue being adults who can manage their time and still deliver results from anywhere. And please don’t act like it’s just about collaboration and culture and connection – be honest that it’s about your real-estate investments and control and corporate tax breaks.?

In the meantime, I’ll be kicking ass. From my home office.?