Why I want you to stop saying "I don't need paid"

I keep hearing brilliant women saying “I don’t need to be paid”, and it bothers me. Let me explain…

There are plenty of women who say they have a good reason to work for free; wealthy family/partner, mortgage paid off, a high salary, there’s a long list. Yet, do these reasons stand up to a bit of digging? And more importantly, what are the consequences of women working for free…?

Let’s dig.

Firstly, money is just numbers, nothing more, but what money represents is value. Every time we mention money we are giving an intrinsic value a very specific number. A chocolate bar’s value, its taste, its texture is 1, this t-shirt’s value is 35, this house’s value with its rose garden and cobbled driveway and all the pretty things that make it a home is 100,000. Without linking money to a thing, money would mean nothing at all and have zero value. Let’s read that again - money is a numerical representation of value, nothing more. So what’s your value..?

Let’s hear this one more time - “I don’t need to be paid” or is it really “I don’t need to be valued” or worse still “my intrinsic value is, nothing”. Really..?

Of course, putting a value on your work and yourself is a lot harder than putting a value on a chocolate bar. But it’s not nothing. I have a phrase I use over and over when I’m asked how to price my time and my work (borrowed from Cindy Gallop) it’s this; say the largest number you can out loud without laughing, then add tax. Then give it another try in six months.

There’s another angle to rejecting money too. You’re rejecting more wealth because you’ve decided you don’t “need” it. I’m super curious (think inspector gadget in a red shoulder padded suit). How did you decide this? Have you imagined what your dream life would look like and how much that would cost? What do you want? What do you ache for? What do you dream of? My dream life would cost a minimum of 20k per month - what about you?

So why do women do this? Why do you reject payment? Simply, the very idea that you don’t “need” any more money is psychologically rooted in the notion of scarcity - the notion that you taking more money means that there will be less money for others. Let’s drum this next bit in.

You having more money doesn’t take money away from anyone else. This is true because of what we said above - money represents value, and you valuing yourself and your work more cannot take away the value of someone else or their work. It isn’t possible.

So let’s start translating “what should I be paid” into “what’s my value and my work’s value” because that’s what the payment represents.

Importantly, this takes us somewhere else; the hidden effects of saying “I don’t need to be paid”.

Now we’ve pinned down the idea that money represents our value. What happens when you reject payment? Well, you take away your value, but not only yours, you take away the value of women. You set a standard and an expectation that women will accept less. And I hear you, you shouldn’t have to burden the weight of representing all women. It is forced up on us, it’s unfair and it’s the patriarchy’s fault, agreed. Get angry about that. But, hey, there’s opportunity here. If the effect of rejecting payment travels from you to the women around you and beyond - what is the effect of accepting payment? Exactly!

Let’s use our power, let’s use this world changing power of women earning more money so other women can earn more money, from the individual to population level. The data actually shows when women have more money, amazing things happen, from the decrease of domestic violence to GDP increases and the stability of nations.

When you have more money, you can hire women, pay women, buy from women only businesses, invest in women, the list is endless. Money does represent value, but it also gives us power.

Let’s shift that value to where it belongs with the power it brings - that means accepting it in the first place. I want more women to own their value, use it to create more power, and spread that power amongst all women. This is how equality and equity is achievable.

If this is a step too far, or if I can’t convince you to be paid based on simply recognising your own value, then my smallest ask is this - instead of saying “I don’t need to be paid”, say “I can afford to work for free”.

This subtle difference at least may keep your and others’ values intact. In a world that is deeply unequal with an intense gender and race pay gap - every subtlety really matters.

Are you in?

If you've enjoyed this article, you'll love my podcast UPFRONT Moment. Every Monday a new episode drops to start your week with self-compassion, kindness and agency. https://weareupfront.com/podcast