Why I took my 11-year-old to a meditation retreat

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I recently came back from Bali and have had a lot of people ask me why I took my son with me to a meditation retreat. So with October’s mental health month ending, I want to share some thoughts on what I believe is the most important characteristic we need for mental well-being & how it links into Arjan joining me on my trip of awakening!

I want my kids to learn self-mastery. From now. Not when they are adults and have to relearn the most important skills in life. I want them to have the exposure from their youth and normalise self-mastery, self-regulation and self-awareness.

So why emotional regulation. It’s the skill of recognising, understanding, and managing our emotions in a healthy way.

Instead of suppressing them (like many of us were taught to do in our early years), people who have emotional regulation skills can acknowledge how they are feeling and respond to them thoughtfully.

Emotional regulation skills can help with many aspects of modern life.

For me, the most powerful way I’ve learned to manage my emotions is through meditation. When I sit in stillness, it helps me connect with myself and my emotions. It gives me clarity of thought and allows me to live and lead with a sense of calm and resilience.

I recently returned home from the most awakening and intense experience at a meditation retreat. For me, these types of retreats are an additional layer of how I detoxify my mind and body from accumulated stressors of modern life. When I leave, I feel like I’ve truly levelled up ?and to a more resilient, connected self.

Previously, I’ve attended retreats alone or with my partner. However, this time I took someone new—my 11-year-old son. You’re probably wondering why I would bring a child to a meditation retreat. Here I explain.

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Why I believe emotional regulation is the most important skill we can learn

My son has been exposed to meditation, mindfulness and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy throughout his life. We have family meditation sessions, and he is curious and self-aware of the relationship between his thoughts, feelings, and emotions. ?

However, he is a modern young boy. He’s loves digital devices like Play Stations, Nintendo and television. As much as we’re trying to limit his exposure, internet access can provide him with a flood of information from various sources, which can be confusing and overwhelming. He’s aware of global issues which can be a source of anxiety. He’s also at an age where he’s navigating his identity and working out who he is.

Our children sometimes find this world a lot to handle.

I wanted to give him the gift of space so he can pause for a moment and consolidate his limited life experiences with the flood of information he is exposed to non-stop. Give him the skills to truly understand his relationship with his thoughts and feelings. I wanted to help him learn how to regulate these feelings so he can navigate the next part of his life journey, which will be high school next year, a little easier.

For me, the number one skill I want to instil in my children is their ability to self-regulate their emotions and reconcile their thoughts.

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We need it now more than ever...

There are so many examples in modern life where emotional regulation skills can help.

Think about the pressure of social comparisons that many of us fall victim to, particularly young people. It’s easy to compare ourselves to the ‘ideal’ celebrity or influencer we see online, which can lead to feelings of unworthiness.?

When we have emotional regulation skills, we can remind ourselves that those snapshots online aren’t the real story. We stop to consider what is making us feel this way. By turning our attention inward, we can focus on our own journey and growth rather than comparing ourselves to others.

Many people have experienced feelings of isolation due to the rise of remote work. When we feel confident in ourselves and our ability, we can make more informed choices on whether to follow the trends or live a life of authenticity.

Rather than relying on others to validate our efforts and our existence, we can draw on strength from within to affirm our own self-worth, goals and achievements.

Emotional regulation can help at work too. I believe with the rise of AI and automation; the more repetitive and analytical tasks will be performed by robots. This will mean that the qualities that only humans can bring to a work environment are becoming increasingly valuable.

Roles that need problem-solving skills, creativity, empathy and adaptability. Being able to think outside the box, connect diverse ideas and foster a collaborative atmosphere.

All these rely heavily on emotional well-being. When people feel calm and emotionally regulated, they’re better able to influence, create and innovate in this fast paced world.

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How to learn about emotional regulation

I’m aware that meditation isn’t for everyone, and certainly not for all tweens, I knew it would be something my son would appreciate. He’s about to enter the critical teenage years where he will come up against challenges like social media, exams and increased social temptations.

He spent the week being exposed to breathwork, meditation and energy work, which helped him begin to understand the source of his insecurities, mental limitations and self-inflicted boundaries.

I think we miss a huge part of understanding ourselves and others when we limit our education to the larger body parts. We hold over 72,000 energy points in our body and these energy channels are the gateway to good health, immunity and overall vitality.

One of the fastest ways to activate our ‘nadis’ as they are called is through breathwork and redirecting breath through yoga postures (asanas) to the various energy points which lead to long term healing.

It wasn’t all smooth sailing…. We did activities that took us outside our comfort zone, including water rafting with little to non-existent safety protocols which I wouldn’t recommend! But that to happen to be delayed and we found ourselves rafting in the moonlight, an experience that required trust and surrendering to the bigger forces that are at play in life.

By helping him learn about to proactively take control of his mental wellbeing, I hope he will be able to navigate the challenges that come his way in the future, whether they are self-imposed or out of his control.

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I'm curious—what do you think is the most important skill children should learn to support their future mental health?

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