Why I took 8 weeks of paternity leave

I’m back to work today after 8 weeks of paternity leave - and I’ve got a few things to share.

After a traumatic birth, my wife initially struggled with the unrelenting nature of motherhood, but with the support of myself, her mother, cousin, and circle of close friends, she managed to gain strength day by day.

We all know it’s tough on mothers and I’m sure one of the contributing factors of post-natal depression is the lack of support, care, and reassurance women receive, particularly due to the short-natured paternity leave many countries give.

(I’m aware of the privilege of running my own business which gave me the opportunity to take the time off and I’m also aware that not every man wants extended paternity. However, the reason for the slightly extended paternity was so that I could be present and give my wife my undivided attention to help her in her recovery).

On the flip side, men, too, need to be reassured during this difficult transitionary period.

Many men also suffer from depression after the birth of a child - a fact we either don’t know, ignore or forget - having to deal with multiple complex, draining, and emotionally overwhelming challenges financially, physically, and mentally.

This is why one of the things I’m grateful for was taking a long(er) paternity leave (initially advised and encouraged by my wife) which afforded me the time to think and start to take steps to make improvements in my life during my stretch of paternity.

I’m a big believer that it’s in our commitment to improve our relationship with ourselves, first and foremost, that defines how good a parent, spouse, son, daughter, or friend we can be.

So, firstly, I ensured to continue with therapy during this period, which helped stabilise my emotional wellbeing, something I wish more men were brave and able enough to undertake, not just once they have a child, but anytime.

Secondly, I had time to consider the food we consume. I began to internalise the importance of cutting out foods that spike our insulin levels, reducing meat (I’m convinced that eating meat regularly, unless organic - because of the barbaric condition animals are raised in - is completely unethical), and recommitting to fasting more, probably the best thing anyone can do for their physical health.

Thirdly, I researched widely on the safety and efficacy of the numerous vaccines that parents are pressured into giving their children. I consulted multiple experts in the fields and reached the conclusion that, while some vaccines are safe and advisable in certain situations, others are unnecessary and a few have too much uncertainty around their long-term harm.

Finally, I thought about what type of children I want to raise: ones that are counterculture, human beings who question and challenge the hyper-consumer, turbo-capitalist society we’ve inherited which is underpinned by greed and wreaking havoc in our world. Also, children who are deeply helpful to others, no matter who those others are or what they believe.

The 8 weeks of paternity helped my wife emotionally and physically recover (I hope!), allowed me to bond with my son, and gave me time to think through the important things I mentioned above - none of which, I concede, are particularly revolutionary or new - but also gave me an invaluable fresh perspective and direction on work and life.

Extending paternity, I believe, may therefore play an immensely positive role in society’s wellbeing.

Fathers, let’s push for greater time off - our world is counting on it.