Why I told Everyone On Linkedin I Liked Sex

The other day I posted this picture, then said, "I like sex."

Why Did I Do It?

My work revolves around subconscious trauma. The trauma that rules our lives, but we don't recognize is there.

The topic of the image was about sex, but the underlying message was to stir up something much larger - our tendency to inherently accept and believe what is the societal "norm" as truth.

This was my first step toward breaking down those barriers.

Read below to take a closer look at how societal bias plays a significant role in the trauma we all face and how we can prevent it from being passed along.

...the underlying message was to stir up something much larger...

Let's break it down.

We all grow up with different backgrounds, belief systems, and parenting styles. Yet, there are some things society helps teach us as well, in the form of stigmas or unspoken assumptions.

In this case, I used sex as an example as it's one of the most widely recognized and relatable. It is a NATURAL and NORMAL behavior all animals partake in to keep the species in existence.

Why do we shame it? Why does the shame keep persisting, even when we have so much information at our fingertips?

At one point, these generational lessons were a godsend because there weren't any options for birth control, society valued holy marriage, and people generally lived in a religious context.

They did it to survive, and it worked well.

The problem is, we're not living in that era any longer. Yet the messages still remain.

If we don't ever question it, we continue to pass it on. We feel shame, we shame. Hurt people, hurt people.

We feel shame, we shame.

You may or may not agree with these unspoken stigmas, but undoubtedly, you'll recognize hearing them:

?? Gay sex is wrong

?? Women can't have multiple partners

?? Women with multiple partners are sluts

??Women should be virgins when married

?? It's OK for men to have sex

?? The more partners a man has, the better

?? If a man comes quickly, he's bad in bed

The list goes on.

Whether told explicitly, through movies, stories, or even witnessed by demonstration, it can lead to the type of systematic shame that disrupts relationships, creates insecurity, self-loathing, lack of self-confidence, toxic behavior, and inability to communicate.

These were some of my own conclusions/biases I was taught to believe as a woman with my upbringing. Maybe you'll have different ones for yours;

??Having "too much" sex or sex at all meant I was a slut.

??Men only want sex.

??No real knowledge about birth control other than condoms

?? Sex is a power-play, not a loving act

My beliefs made me refrain and detach myself in relationships.

I couldn’t become close with partners, and I didn’t even know what “discussing my needs” or “wants” was.

How it played out in relationships:

?? Someone wants sex, passively asks for it and expects the partner to know

??Partner doesn't know, leaves the asker feeling rejected

??Other partner may or may not ask, but feels rejected as the other one shuts down

?? Partners engage in sex but are too shy to talk about needs, likes or wants - Someone is left unsatisfied

?? The relationship falls apart as each internally struggles to communicate

If a woman feels shame to talk about her needs, how can she feel satisfied?

If a man is embarrassed to talk about his erectile dysfunction, how can he be satisfied or feel confident?

It took a combination of traumatic events and toxic relationships for me to realize the effect of these stigmas.

If I had KNOWN there were certain options, if I had felt it was OKAY to have sex or to ask for my needs, or that it was OK to even HAVE needs, things would have turned out a whole lot different, and a lot of pain and suffering would have been spared.

We're ashamed because we're shamed, so we stay silent, as if being silent will make the shame go away, or help the facts present themselves.

The truth is, the shame won't go away unless we take away or replace the belief. And despite however comfortable or uncomfortable you may feel, natural biological order will continue to happen.

Silence only begets further trauma. What we need is more guidance, less secrecy.

Understanding where and why we have the beliefs is half the battle. The other half is standing up to and against them by practicing them in our own homes and teaching them to the next generation.

Let's stand together and talk about the things no one's talking about.

I like sex. You can too.

#Namaste,

Elise