Why I Strive For Life Design Instead of Balance

“Motherhood is a beautiful hustle.” It’s one of the best responses I’ve heard to the “balance” question we too often receive as women from my friend Ariane Goldman, Founder of HATCH. “It’s intense. It’s immense. It’s big. But it’s really beautiful,” she added on Superwomen. 

Ariane’s “beautiful hustle” resonates as an apt description of our collective pursuit to live a full life. We all have a variety of roles and passions and it’s their combined impact that makes our life rich. It’s also what makes balance unattainable, and why I strive for life design instead. 

We navigate different phases in life that require us to show up in unique ways. For the first decade of our brand, I worked 100-hour weeks doing everything from buying the hardware for our handbags at Home Depot to designing them in my apartment and delivering them to stores. It was 9 a.m. to midnight seven days a week. The days were long but exciting. Then, when I had my first child, I made a conscious decision to change how I spent my time. You can attend a career-advancing event every night in New York City but I had a new, diverse set of priorities. I wanted to be home at 6 and accepted that although it may slow down my professional track, being with my son was most important. When our phase changes, so must our approach. That’s why life design works; It mirrors the evolution of our journey. 

The path to designing your life is paved with clarity and intentional action. Once you become clear about your priorities, you can set boundaries that will enable you to fulfill them. 

Boundaries serve as a trusted decision-making framework but it takes time to establish the right ones. Begin by conducting an honest, judgment-free self-assessment of what you want your current life to look like: What is most important to you? What do you need? What are your no-go zones? Then, create systems that will help you address them. Test them and be open to adjusting when you need to. I’ve reevaluated mine multiple times, particularly after having each of my children. 

Your self-assessment may also reveal milestones necessary to realize your vision. If you’re feeling burnt out or want to take better care of your health, what steps can you take to create more time for yourself? Perhaps the first objective is hiring a team member or having a conversation with your boss to explore how you can reimagine your workday. Life design begins internally but requires a support system to execute. Boundaries only become real when you vocalize them.  

Unlike balance, life design isn’t a perfect equilibrium. Each stage brings its own set of joys and challenges. During demanding times, it’s helpful to remind yourself: This is a phase. It’s not going to last forever. Our kids are 2, 5, and 8. My husband and I are gratefully in it right now but I am reminded daily of how fleeting this time is; Our youngest isn’t going to breastfeed forever, our oldest will be a teenager soon and I’ll sleep again, someday. 

It was similarly a "beautiful hustle" a decade earlier when I worked every weekend while my friends were at parties or in the Hamptons. I couldn’t afford a bus ticket to the beach, let alone dinner. Pouring every cent and moment into building the business wasn’t a sacrifice, though. It was a choice and it’s what was required. I accepted the phase, and all that came with it, to achieve my goal. 

Boundaries may offer contentment but they don’t eliminate your desire. I rarely attend evening events so I can be home for bed and bath time but that doesn’t mean there aren’t gatherings I’d love to participate in. In a world that is always on, offering a seemingly endless amount of opportunity, we have to be deliberate about doing what matters. I look at it through the lens of ROI (Return on Investment): If I’m missing a night with my kids, then I need to be gaining something that is helping me progress towards a personal or professional goal. The things that look fun and shiny? They fall to the wayside. It’s better to have FOMO than guilt. 

Life design is about iteration and offers us something balance does not: Agency. Whereas the concept of balance evokes feelings of impossibility, life design inspires empowerment. We may not be able to dictate every chapter of our journey, but we can choose how we experience them.  

How do you honor your “beautiful hustle”? Let me know in the comments!