Why I stopped drinking alcohol

"In life there are things we must do, there are things we can do, and there are things we should do.

?On August 4, 2019, I stopped drinking alcohol, because I realized that, to become successful as a father, friend, and entrepreneur, I needed to overcome and encounter challenges sober. Only this way, I will find real solutions while having the energy and mental power to be the person I should be for the people around me."

?The text above was a tweet I intended to send about a year after I had stopped drinking alcohol. However, I never sent the tweet.

?Firstly, someone I work closely with advised against it, and secondly, it didn't feel right. My hesitation came from not wanting to offend people who occasionally drank too much, while also not wanting to give the impression that I was an alcoholic who couldn't function without alcohol.

?So why am I writing a blog about it now? Four years later, I am certain that it was the best choice for ME to improve the quality of my life. Let me explain.

?I come from a socially disadvantaged family with many challenges. Excessive alcohol consumption was normal. Besides excessive drinking, smoking was a hobby for everyone in the family, but at the same time we were happy if neighbors, family, or friends made an extra contribution to the household expenses.

?I never worried about it until I turned 30, but as you grow older, you start to wonder more often why this was considered normal (at least it was very normal in our home). Unfortunately, my mother passed away too young (due to smoking). My father quit smoking after her death and by now he has not consumed alcohol for 15+ years. Quitting drinking for my father (with whom I have a great relationship) wasn't easy; it took a lot of energy from him, and certainly from me as well. I still wonder why I could drink heavily all those years.

What kind of drinker was I? Unlike my role model, I was someone who never drank at home and certainly not alone. I was a 'social drinker'; I just was very good at finding 'social' events. In my youth, I didn't drink often during a month, but when I did, it was a lot.

?The reason was simple. I started working more than 40 hours a week at a young age to keep the family finances healthy (and I didn't mind). Six days a week, early mornings delivering newspapers, after school cleaning toilets and showers in a sports hall, and on weekends, working in construction or with gardeners. This put pressure on going out, so when I did, I made it into a big party.

When I had a full-time job in IT from the age of 18 (read my other blog about the founding of ITQ), I had more time to party on the weekends. I quickly started dating the woman of my dreams (with whom I am still happily married today): she had a very positive influence on my drinking habits. But where I hardly drank anything during the week, I continued to drink on weekends. Especially on Fridays, I was really tired, so a good drink helped me shut down my system and forget about everything for a while.

But as you get older, you build your business and career. With that came more trips, business dinners, etc. That's when things went wrong. As said, I wasn't someone who drank every day, but if you're sitting in a restaurant every evening (and have many lunches), and are having at least one trip abroad per month, you start more drinking during the week. And I'm not very good at 'just having one glass of wine'.

Over time, it became a thing: when I came home on Friday nights, I started drinking beer and wine to relax after another week of too much work, too many worries, and too little sleep. I was hanging out with friends and family with too much alcohol every Friday, and often on Saturdays too. Finally, I could relax in my mind. I never used drugs, but I can imagine the effect is similar. The system of thinking about problems, analyzing opportunities, assessing whether things are going well with people, etc. completely shuts down, and for a while, that feels really good.

But the next morning, of course, I was completely useless. I'm a proud father of three beautiful daughters, and I don't think they noticed anything because I always got up early. But I knew I couldn't give what I wanted to give to my family. Also, as you get older, you realize how incredibly unhealthy it is.

So, what made me decide to stop completely?

It had been on my mind for a while. Apparently, I'm not the type who 'can cut down a bit': for me, it's often all or nothing. So, I realized that if I wanted to drink less, quitting was the only choice. Around the same time, during a long walk, I wondered if I was making the right choices in my business and maybe even in my personal life. I believe that if you really want to solve things from the core of a problem, you can only overcome these challenges if you address them sober. This applies to personal habits but also to relationships you're in or part of, or difficult choices you must make.

During the walk, I suddenly regretted not always making my choices sober. And from there, I also started to wonder if I could really be proud of myself if I couldn't even make the choice to stop drinking. A few kilometers further, I started to wonder why I didn't find it strange that there was too much drinking at my childhood home. I wondered what the impact had been on my sister and me. And I wondered if it wasn't strange that I kept drinking myself. And suddenly, I felt bad that I was working late all week and therefore had no time for my wife, but that I also didn't do fun things on weekends, because I mostly had to recover from the previous evenings. During that walk, I decided to not drink for a year to see what the effect would be.

The first few months were difficult. But in a different way than you might think. I didn't miss the alcohol at all. That realization was immediate proof to me that my body didn't need the alcohol, but it was mostly mental: that was a big struggle at first.

My thoughts wouldn't stop during the weekend, and my brain kept running at full speed. It was even worse in bed. Worrying, overthinking, doubting, and spinning thoughts. I really didn't have peace of mind for 3 to 4 months. I walked a lot to find peace and realized I was on to something important: if I really wanted to become a better version of myself, I had to stop drinking altogether and learn how to deal with my challenges sober.

There was a small problem added to this. I also thought I would become a better friend to the people around me. But that was (and still is) perceived differently. My friends, who fortunately are still my friends, all enjoy a crate of beer. Each. I can tell you that when you're sober, there's not much fun at a party. And not for them either. I quickly noticed that I wasn't invited to drinks anymore. If I showed up at a party, I 'lost' everyone after 1.5 hours and I went home again. I struggled with this. Not because my friends continue to drink, because that's really up to them. But because I'm a 'people person'. Even today, it's not the same as it used to be, and I'm only moderately at peace with it. I do notice that we're growing towards each other again (for example, we exercise together), but it's not the same. It's something I still have to come to terms with, I'm afraid.

Most readers of this blog (and it's great that you've come this far) are business relations. What has this actually resulted business-wise, you might ask. I don't think it's a coincidence that I've been running a business for 22 years with ups and downs, but in recent years, we've been doing really well. First and foremost, this is because I have a great team around me, and something tells me it's also directly related to my choice to stop drinking. I just notice that I solve problems better, I've become much clearer with people, I can convey my ideas about our direction very well, and I have much more (much more!) energy all day long.

I have more time on weekends to enjoy with my family. During vacations I really rest because I'm not drinking. This allows me to go all in when I'm at work. I undoubtedly also had a dose of luck in recent years, but the fact is that the harder I work, the luckier I get.

I have no problem if people around me drink, and this blog is not meant to convince you. Moreover, there are plenty of examples around me of people who can drink just one glass normally. But if you're more on the side where I was, then I have a tip for you: try not drinking for a year ;-)

For questions, tips, and advice, you can always send a DM.