Why I Stopped Drinking Alcohol...

On the 19th July 2021 I made the choice to stop drinking alcohol and today I want to share a little about this, in the hope it might help someone else who is feeling in any way like I felt, before making that choice.

Now, like many of us, I first sampled alcohol in my teens and by my late teens alcohol was a permanent fixture in my social life. At that point I didn’t ‘drink at home’ or ‘drink alone’, but any event whatsoever would involve drinking alcohol- nights out with friends, nights in with friends, dates, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, family meals, Christenings, Funerals, Pub nights, Quiz nights, celebrating (anything) and commiserating (anything).

I knew almost no one who didn’t drink alcohol - it was socially acceptable to drink and, kind of socially unacceptable (or at least ‘odd’) not to.

As I grew older my life, my friendship group and social life evolved- less night out clubbing and more evenings in - always accompanied by wine.

During my thirties the level of my alcohol consumption really peaked. It was very much a part of the social aspect of my career- lots of business lunches, client events, networking, dinners and so on and so on.

A long day at work would always culminate in a large glass of red, or two.

Then, mental health issues began creeping in. Anxiety. Depression. Stress. Alcohol was a great way (I thought) to take the edge off - to change how I was feeling. But of course - and I see this with such clarity now- really, it made things worse.

I had a breakdown in my mid thirties. This article isn’t about my breakdown- I have spoken about that and written about that many times. But - I’m not sure I have really made the connection between my breakdown and alcohol. And there absolutely is a link.

I used alcohol, a lot, to make me feel better - as many of us do. Rather than examine what I was feeling and why.

I didn’t understand then what happens in the body when we drink alcohol, or why it would actually make me feel worse rather than better. In the moment, sipping that delicious full bodied red, my emotions feeling less sharp, a little fuzzy, seemed like the perfect antidote to stress, anxiety and depression.

I have never regarded myself as “having a problem with alcohol” because “I can always stop when I want to”. And I did fairly often- a month here and there to remind myself that I don’t have a problem.

I’ve been on quite a journey over the last 6 years. My marriage ending, a breakdown, falling in love, losing my partner to suicide, starting a business doing my soul's work, learning to love again, losing three pregnancies to miscarriage, leaving behind my career of 25 years.

Through all of what has happened I have been growing and learning. Trying my damnedest to see the beauty and the truth and the lessons in every experience.

I’ve been moving closer to showing up fully and powerfully in the world as the woman I really am. To doing the work I am here to do.

In the last few months it has become clear to me that alcohol has been getting in my way. It doesn't make me feel good and it is a crutch I no longer need. I no longer want.

I read a book recently by Holly Whitaker- Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol.

Now, if you know me, you know I read a LOT. This is one of the best and most important books I have ever read. I’m kind of annoyed with the author about the title because while I fully appreciate her intention- I wish everyone would read this book, not just every woman.

This book helped me to see the ways I have bought in to the insidious marketing of alcohol. It has helped me to see the ways it has negatively impacted my life- the hold it has had on me. It has helped me to see the positive changes I can make - I am making- without alcohol.

So, I made the choice to no longer drink alcohol. I do not miss it- not one bit. What is different this time (vs the other times I have stopped) is that this time I do not feel in any way that I am depriving myself of anything. I no longer want it.

Will some of my friends have opinions about me not drinking? Sure. Will I get ribbed about it? Yep- probably- but I don’t care. If you can’t handle me not drinking, that really is your problem, and not mine.

I’ve been out socially lots of times and not drank alcohol- and guess what? I can still have fun! Actually, I can have more fun, I have found, because I feel much happier when I feel clean and clear and when I’m not dulling my senses in any way.

I’m feeling the benefit of not drinking in so many ways. I am sleeping waaaaaaaay better. I feel so much clearer and so much more in tune with my body and my emotions. I feel sharper and more focussed. I’m experiencing less anxiety and less feelings of low mood. I’m enjoying the simple things more than ever and absolutely loving every single act of self care. My skin is clearer and my eyes are brighter. Oh, and an added bonus- I have lost 8lbs.

If you have got to the end of this- thanks for reading. If you have heard something in it: awesome. If you are happy doing what you are doing: also awesome.

With love xxx

#sobriety #recovery #sherecovers #mentalhealth