Why I Said Goodbye to The ‘Good Enough’ Life

Losing The Cape to Find My Best Life.

For so long, I lived as my "perfect self"—a version I carefully crafted to survive. This "perfect" version, as I now recognize, was my provisional self.

A facade I built based on the belief that to be loved, valued, or even noticed, I had to show up as a hero—selfless, always giving, always rescuing.

I realized that while I had been so busy rescuing others, I had been neglecting to rescue myself.

I first encountered the concept of the provisional self when I read the work of Dr. James Hollis, a Jungian psychoanalyst. He explained how we all develop personas, masks, and survival mechanisms based on our childhood experiences and the expectations of others.

These personas help us navigate life, but they aren’t truly us. For me, this provisional self became the rescuer. It was my way of feeling "good enough," being seen, valued, and loved. I thought if I wasn’t heroic enough—if I wasn’t kind, compassionate, and giving—I didn’t exist. Or worse, I wasn’t good enough to deserve the love, care, or recognition I craved.

But living through the provisional self is exhausting. It’s like wearing a cape that weighs you down, all while trying to save the world.

The truth is, the world doesn’t need you to save it. What you really need is to save yourself.

The Awakening

At 52, it finally hit me: this version of myself—the one always trying to please, rescue, and be the hero—wasn’t sustainable. It wasn’t going to lead to personal growth, nor was it ever going to bring true fulfillment. I had to let go of the rescuer role to unlock my true potential. But breaking free from this ingrained behavior wasn’t easy.

The process required deep self-reflection. I had to take a hard look at what truly brought me joy. I needed to reassess my core values and understand what aligns with my authentic self rather than the persona I thought I had to maintain to keep others happy.

I knew this change would upset some people I had been "rescuing" for years. After all, I had enabled them, and they had come to expect me to play that role. Any shift in my behavior would disrupt the dynamic.

But I realized that living authentically was far more important than maintaining a role that no longer served me—or them.

The only person I owe a full, responsible life to is myself.

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