Why I Regret Trying To Become a "Nice Guy" And How It F*cked Me Up.

• "Nik, you are targeting corporate professionals, so you have to be nicer with your message".
• "Nik, never swear on LinkedIn, where people might not like it".
• "Nik, are you crazy using shirtless pictures on LinkedIn? It's "unprofessional".

Well, what do you think? I followed the advice. However, the only "result" I got out of it was slow and steady loss of passion and excitement for posting content. Those of you guys who follow me since the very start remember that I was posting 6 days a week and growing my following pretty fast (back in 2019-2020). Then, you guys remember that I was becoming more and more inconistent. I would get my sh*t together, start posting, and the next month I stop, and that cycle repeated over and over during the past year. Because, to be very honest, I had to force myself to create content, instead of being in the flow and excited about it. However, we all know that the true enjoyment, and, most importantly, the consistency, come from the STATE OF FLOW.

But, let's even forget the enjoyment part of it for now. The craziest part is that, when I was my true self, real and raw, these were the times my business was doing THE BEST. I was getting invited to podcasts, I was getting clients (a lot of them are still working with me), and, like I said, my audience was growing. My posts were getting somewhere between 10-15K views consistently, videos had 2-5K views, plus, hundreds of comments and likes on each post. Yes, not insanely crazy numbers compared to many real influencers, but remember - it was my first year on this platform. However, since I fu*ked up and completely lost momentum, I now have to start from scratch, kind of. Well, just look at my views and comments now, it's just ridiculous.

You know what's the funniest part about it all? Even though a lot of people were telling me to become "nicer", everywhere we hear from people "always be yourself". That picture I attached tells the whole story, and the story is: "We don't know ourselves what the hell we want from you". In fact, you probably know already how much contradictory advice there is out there.

Now, I want to dig a little deeper...

For those of you who don't know, during the period of 2017-2019 I was coached by one of the best Canadian fitness coaches Amer "The Hammer" Kamra. I know that picture I attached is a little crappy (and, oh my god, I am SHIRTLESS there!), but that's the only one I have handy right now. Now, why am I mentioning this guy at all in the first place? No, it's not because of the body and mind transformations I achieved with this man, but because he recently made a post on his Instagram, which hit me right in my head.

He said the following:

"The opposite of depression is expression. One that cannot express himself, depressed himself. We live in a world that says masculinity is toxic; as a result men are depressing themselves from expressing who they really are. Having to keep things to yourself. For example, on one hand we want to watch UFC fighters kill each other, literally. We PAY to see it. The minute one of them says anything remotely offensive the world wants to cancel them. We expect and even pay people to be barbaric and privative yet expect them to be kind, courteous and professional".

Does it make any sense at all? Again, people are more than happy to see fighters killing each other, but, when someone throws in a few "foul" words, they are seen as unprofessional, rude, unlikeable assholes.

Another example is Shay Rowbottom's article (I think everyone knows her on LinkedIn) called "How I accidentally made way more money being my unprofessional self", where she talks about the exact same concept.

Right now, I am still kind of confused why my growth was at its best when I was my true self, even though a lot of people adviced me to be "nicer". Maybe it's simply because people feel fakes, and when I became nicer (but fake), I lost that peoples' engagement. In addition to that, the following (and even clientele) I built being myself simply loved me for who I am, again, REAL, RAW, and AUTHENTIC.

The greatest example to support this assumption I can give is the video testimonial I got from my client Peter. We are not talking about the body transformation and phenomenal experience he achieved working with me, but about what he said in his video:

"I found Nik watching some of his videos on LinkedIn. At first I thought who is this crazy guy? But the more I watched, I realized he was very different from these slick marketing, too-good-to-be-true fitness guys and promotions you see on LinkedIn and especially Facebook. What made Nik stand out was his direct, no nonsense style. He is sincere, and you can tell he believes in what he is talking about. Nik is a REAL coach, and most importantly, the coach who truly cares about his clients' results and satisfaction".

Now, what's the verdict?

I don't think I really support the advice "fake it until you make it" anymore. Yes, it might be a great advice, but not when it comes to your personality and who you really are inside. In my favorite book of all times called "Relentless" by Tim Grover, this man says that people DO NOT change, at least what's very deep inside of them.

We all develop who we really are as a result of our upbringing, values, life journey and what we experienced in life. All these things get so ingrained deep inside that, if we try to go against them, we feel conflicted and even depressed.

Of course, I am not saying that we should be complete dicks, assholes and jerks. For sure, there are limits, and we can (and should) keep working on ourselves. And, I am NOT saying I do not respect people who are more conventional and professional, hell no! If that's who they are, it's who they really are, that's the point.

I think I will just finish with another great quote which will summarize it all:

Alright, guys, I hope you enjoyed the article, and I look forward to your thoughts and comments.