Why I Quit ... and Maybe you Should too

Quitting your job without having another job is the height of irresponsibility. At least, that’s what I had heard and was deeply engrained in my belief system. But, at 41 years old, I found myself quitting my job without having another one. I was planning to start a consultant practice after taking a few months off. There’s no way to describe how out-of-character this was, how proud I am of myself for making this decision, and how fulfilled I am for having done it. 

Before we talk about quitting, let’s get something out of the way. There are plenty of reasons to keep your job. Maybe you financially need to stay in order to support yourself or your family, or you can see change on the horizon at your company and potential improvements to your situation, or you’re learning something you know will help in your career. Again, plenty of reasons to stay. 

But, this post is about reasons to quit and how to get over the barriers that are keeping you from seeking your next big thing. 

A few months before I quit, I spoke with a friend — a confident quitter. This friend has made the decision to leave a few jobs throughout her career without another one lined up, because they were no longer growing her career or making her happy. In fact, she was just about to make that same decision again. She always landed somewhere, continued to grow her career, and never suffered financially. She was an inspiration. I wanted to know what she knew. So we talked. She encouraged me, gave me tips to consider, people to talk with, and ideas to reflect upon. 

In my personal experience, there were five big barriers to quitting my job. In talking them through months later with my friend, she insists some or all of these are universal to most people. 

So, I’ve shared a bit about each barrier and how I jumped over, or at least crawled over, each one here in the hopes that it might help you too. 

Barrier #1 - What will people think? - This one can make you insane if you worry yourself over it. At one point, I worried that if I quit, people would think I wasn’t doing well at my job, that I couldn’t handle difficulties happening at the company or that I was fired. None of this is true, but still I worried because I knew I was leaving people to create their own narrative. Would people think starting my consultant practice was because I failed at my current corporate position? Would this completely derail my future? The reality is, we’ve all been in jobs we dislike and muddle along until something else comes because we fear what people will think. Your worries are typically founded in fear not reality. The reality is, people get it, and the people that worked with you in the past or interacted with you, they get it even more. Don’t let worry keep you from making this thoughtful decision. Yes, gaps in a CV give recruiters or employers pause, but if your job is going to come from networking, and most do, you can explain that gap, and people understand. If they don’t understand, you don’t want to work with them, trust that. 

Barrier #2 False or over-inflated sense of responsibility- Responsibility was one of the very top values instilled in me as a child. It’s one of the characteristics I can credit to my career success. I worked a ton, took my career very seriously, and always tried to do the “right” thing. People told me to never quit a job without having another one and I took it to heart considering it the “right” advice. But, I’ve learned that character assets, like being responsible, can be overblown and turn into defects too. My overdeveloped sense of responsibility led me to being risk-adverse which meant staying too long in unfulfilling roles, missed opportunities, and lack of courage in moving toward my next calling. Ask yourself: Is your sense of responsibility in staying at your job real, or is it an unrealistic self-imposed albatross hanging around your neck? 

If your skills and experience are strong, if you can explain your choice, and you have a good network, you are hirable. Now, I’ll admit financial responsibility is huge. But if you are financially stable enough to make this decision, do it. If you’re NOT financially stable enough for the decision, I’d challenge you to do two things 1) Consider how much money saved would make you comfortable enough to make this decision and work towards saving to that number, and 2) make a plan for what’s next while you’re working and take action. That might be job searching or contacting recruiters or taking a side gig. That second tip is sometimes harder than the first because it means doing more while you’re already in a job that is probably stretching you thin. Still, you have to get out of your situation and doing something about it can be empowering. 

Barrier #3 Trading one problem for another - I was a little past 40, a first-time Mom to a young child I worked very, very hard to have and I was in a job that was stable but wasn’t fulfilling. I loved my short commute, I found the work pretty easy (which was both good and bad), and I was setting appropriate boundaries to leave at a normal hour most days to be with my child. Nothing else was a fit for me. But couldn’t I just be grateful for my short commute and focus on the gift I had of time with my child? Still, I longingly remembered the days when I loved my job, was challenged by it, and I was eager to return to work that energized me. Socrates said that lack of enthusiasm is a wrinkle for the soul, and my soul was wrinkling. So, I started by trying to bring enthusiasm to the job I was in. I created a gratitude list of all of the things I liked about my job every day. I tried to focus on what I was learning not what I loathed. But, I still felt stuck. 

Lack of enthusiasm is a wrinkle for the soul, and my soul was wrinkling.

While I wanted to do work that was fulfilling, I also wanted a job that allowed me to have dinner, bath and bedtime with my daughter every night. I started keeping my eyes open for something new and I started talking with recruiters. Practically every job that came up involved a long commute, tons of hours that are typically expected of a senior leader (which are the roles I’m qualified for and I find fulfilling), lots of travel and/or work that just didn’t call to me. Could I find something that was both fulfilling in letting me use my experience, skills and talent and still allow me time with my family? Did it exist? If I took a more challenging and fulfilling job I would be trading one problem for another by leaving me hardly any time with this family I worked so hard to create. I knew had the opportunity to create the work and life I was looking for by opening my own communications consulting practice. Still, the fear, doubt and insecurity stopped me. My calling was elsewhere and I needed to have courage, not complacency.

Are you concerned about trading one problem for another? If one of two options don’t sound good to you, wait for the third. There’s always some other option that maybe you’re not considering. If it’s not present now, it’ll come. Or maybe, consider that you need to let your current job go before the next option presents itself. This one is tricky, just be open to considering it. 

Barrier #4 Self-doubt - A little voice would occasionally say, “Just go do it on your own. Go consult.” It’s an idea I had shut down many times before because the risk-adverse person inside just couldn’t fathom it. What if it didn’t work? Who would hire me? The new phrase for this is “Imposter Syndrome.” The reality was, I was highly hirable. As I started to truly consider it, talking with consultants who started their own business, telling them a bit about my experience, running it by a few friends and my husband, every single one of them encouraged me to ‘DO IT! AND NOW!’ the voice got louder and louder while my job became even less fulfilling. It was time. Is your self-doubt telling you to stay? Tell it to shut up and go make a list of all the reasons you can and should quit. Keep looking at that list. Refine it until it overtakes your doubts. 

Barrier #5 It’s uncomfortable - At the risk of sounding new-age, I was, and still am, doing some spiritual work on myself. I was changing my habits born out of old wounds. I was practicing texting gratitude lists to a friend every day to shift my mindset. I was evaluating character traits in myself that I wanted to change and working on them. I was learning about my lack of courage born out of an overwhelming desire to always be overly responsible. Quitting felt like the ultimate challenge. I was habitually sticking to something because it was comfortable, not because it was right for me. I was letting fear, doubt and insecurity stand between me and a better solution. It felt like every sign in the universe was telling me to have courage, be uncomfortable, and make this change. Please don't stay in something that's comfortable. Comfort is for a couch, not for your life's journey.

Please don't stay in something that's comfortable. Comfort is for a couch, not for your life's journey.

Like I stated earlier. There are a ton of reasons to stay in a job. Just don’t let fear, doubt and insecurity be the reasons you stay. What’s the worst that can happen — you fail? So what? You will learn a great lesson from that failure and be able to move onto your next great thing. 

If you’re considering trying something new, going out on your own or just taking a break to explore what you really want to do, please consider it. Talk with your partner if you have one, do the math to consider what you can afford, talk with people who are doing what you want to do, think it over, make a plan, keep a list to build up your confidence in why you can do this, and then take action to make the change. 

Life is short. Your happiness is worth a bit of risk. 

What do you think? Have you been in this position before? Did I capture the barriers you hit? What did I miss? 

This and other musings found at www.taramcdonagh.com