Why I Love and Hate Starbucks

Everything about Starbucks engages and infuriates me. Howard Schultz is a genius of the highest order and I have mad respect for him. His idea and his coffee are amazing. But the execution of the idea nearly five decades later is maddeningly annoying. Attempting to wade through overcrowded parking lots and overcrowded cafes – or equally bad, wait in an endless car queue – just for the opportunity to spend $5 on a cup of coffee is at the very least imbalanced, though not as imbalanced as the Star Wars creatures who tend to occupy the kitschy chairs and tables inside and outside most Starbucks establishments.

Do I sound elitist? I apologize, because I am not. I LOVE Starbucks coffee and would visit three times a day, even at its obscene prices, but I simply cannot – WILL NOT – put up with the bad service, strange crowds and general pretentiousness that now pervades every Starbucks store.

Bad service? Oh, yes, I have spent more than 20 minutes waiting in line to order, pay for and finally get a grande latte on more occasions than I care to remember, only to be asked for the 100th time what my name is by the same knucklehead I see every day. JIM... as if it matters when the barista shouts "grande latte?" Of course, before I can start that whole fun experience, I have to drive through the obstacle course that is part of every Starbucks experience... the undersized parking lot. Good luck finding a spot and good luck not getting run over.

Strange crowds? This morning, while in wait mode for my grande latte, some oversized man wearing a way-too-tight kids t-shirt literally stepped in front of me and stood there as if his new place in line would assure him of faster service. Listen bud, this is just like being at the Delta terminal, you have to wait until you are called, sometime after the military and parents with children, people who need assistance, first class, gold premium, regular gold, silver platinum, credit card holders, library card holders, candlestick holders, main cabin 1, main cabin 2 and main cabin 3. And by the time I was called, I was afloat in a sea of angry, waiting people who made me "excuse me" my way out of the shop.

General pretentiousness? All the while, the workers chat amongst themselves as if life is great and they have nowhere else to be, so why have any sense of urgency. Yes, there are now 40 customers standing in a space large enough for 12, but that is there problem; this is Starbucks after all, they are lucky to be here. Meanwhile virtually every table of four is taken by a non-office working grunt who has spread his or her "stuff" across the entire space, so just keep moving bud, there is no chair for you here.

I don't know, maybe I am just getting old. I would like to use that as an excuse. But in truth, I just have no tolerance for what the Starbucks brand has come to be. Considering that the stock keeps rising, I am probably wrong. And the fact that I keep back probably indicates some level of insanity. Like I said, I love and hate Starbucks. But I love it less every day.