Why I hate* office Secret Santas - and here’s what you can do instead

?? I love twinkling lights, jingling Christmas music and I have a whole box of decorative tape to seasonize (...is this a word yet?) my reusable brown wrapping papers and jars for granola. And at the same time I hate* taking part in office Secret Santas with a roaring passion. Here’s the story why.

It happened some years ago.

? I drew one of the grumpiest, most critical colleagues from the team that year. I had a knot in my stomach just by thinking of having to find a gift she wouldn't hate. I put a lot of thought into it, searched high and low and finally got them a set with 12 little elves you could put up on a string as they had wires in their arms and legs. You could also link them together, hugging, hanging upside down, all that elvish jazz. It was an undeniably cute gift… And she loved it! She even kept some of the elves at her desk later. I was so happy…!

?? Until it was my turn to unwrap. A used book with scratched cover, yellowed pages, reeking of cigarette smoke. No note or anything, just chucked into a flower-patterned gift bag. I put on a smile as I did write ’books’ on the list of things I liked... (I had 2 copies of that very book on my shelf, by the way… In better conditions.) It was a small team with a lot of thoughtful people – with lots of thoughtful gifts. I felt betrayed, honestly. I remember leaving the book outside on my way home where I often saw a homeless man sitting, reading books. But generally, I felt… Pretty bad about the whole thing.

?? I have seen PAs tasked with ordering a package to the home address of the boss’ draw (back in Covid times) only to witness the recipient tearing the box open in the Giftgiving Zoom meeting and… the invoice floating out. (BTW the PA specifically asked the sending company to remove the invoice, but a, legal stuff, b, Christmas period, who has time for requests like so.) I have heard of a business head ’forgetting this happened today and sorry to have left the present at home’ only to come in with a gift card the next day – with the date of purchase being that very day.

?? Cringe? Pretty much. Also, who needs a 73rd mug or some random decorative item you cannot really use and don’t feel good regifting? Not very sustainable either, and honestly, why add to the stress of pre-Christmas already?

*I don’t hate it per se – I am no Grinch, okay? I love giving gifts! I just don’t like when something is compulsory and can lead to hurt feelings, extra stress and all in all – expects people to be happy about something they did not choose.

??So, what to do instead?

• ??Make it opt-in. Make sure only people who actually want to are participating in it. Only 3 colleagues? No worries, they will have a blast, trust me. ??
• ??Do an Advent Bingo instead. Especially great for teams working remote or in different locations, shifts or timezones. (More on this later.) ??
• ??Give back to those who really need it. Collect food, clothes, sweets, put together shoebox gifts. But most of all - go volunteering if you can. Your time and presence is just as precious as your money and it's great for building connections. ??
• ??Do a fun auction or yard sale of White Elephant items. You got it, don’t use it but could be useful or fun for someone else? Bring it in and do a little auction / yard sale of it. ??

The best part of auctions/yard sales? The overall highest bidder gets to decide the NGO/Charity the money will go to! We’ve done this before, you can either trust the highest bidder to come up with a beneficiary or pre-select, say, 3 NGOs to chose from. Colleagues loved it.

?? So, which one of these would you like to try? Also, feel free to share your worst/best gift ever. I've shared mine, now it's your turn!

(Photo by Ben White on Unsplash)