Why I don’t want to be one of the “guys” every day

“Whenever we speak or write, we are automatically voting just by choosing which words to use.” Allan Metcalf, TIME

Words have power

Thinking about how we speak, and what words we choose, is important. As someone who enjoys language (I was an avid language learner growing up) I believe it’s time to shine a light on everyday English, and specifically the ubiquitous catch-all address that’s so prevalent in the workplace. A simple four letter phrase that slips out from the most casual settings to the most formal boardrooms. What is it?

‘Guys.’

Today we live in the age of me, myself and I. There’s a bright and confident air of self-determinism across every single communication from ads to articles to social media. Increasingly people freely express how they identify. We are pronoun-aware. We’re listening more, understanding each other and taking stock of what we say and how we say it.

There’s so much to celebrate in this. It genuinely feels like progress! Future generations are leading the way in addressing so much of what has been wrong…

And yet, everyday conversational language has a long way to catch up. In social media, especially at the workplace (at the virtual ‘all hands’ meeting or in person), at the gym, in the pub, ‘hi guys’ and ‘you guys’ is used and heard indiscriminately.

What are we really saying?

Today we celebrate when forward-thinking brands make gender neutral statements: clothing or make up, dressing rooms and restrooms. But in conversation? We're stuck on a loop.

I get the sentiment, I really do. I am guilty of slipping up with ‘guys’ now and again and I’ll hold my hand up to making other verbal blunders too, but: I want to learn and adapt for the better, to step back, re-evaluate and at least think about how and what I’m saying.

A workplace default

In the workplace ‘guys’ is often used as a way to break the ice, to feel friendly, to make connections with people. It’s laidback. But there’s an emergent flipside. In a business context - and in my opinion - using this phrase too often might just say more about you than you realise. I might not feel like I’m one of your ‘guys’. I might prefer to identify differently, and for an increasing pool of people it might even sound a little… assumptive. And it's a little overused.

Maybe you’ve never considered this. Perhaps when you say it, your aim is to be inclusive and friendly. But have you considered where it might be having the opposite effect?

A teacher taught me this

The only time I’ve been told not to use the term was many years ago when a group of us were classroom volunteers, going live as teachers for a day in a South London classroom of twelve and thirteen year-olds. Before we started the teacher provided some words of caution: “Never ever use ‘guys’ as a catch all address to the students.” That teacher was streets ahead of some of us today in many workplaces.

It becomes a concern when we think about how much influence the creative and tech communities exert and will influence what future generations grow up with. And if this is the case now, then we need to be interested in how LLMs learn or how things will be coded for our future. Are we destined to hear a jovial ‘Hi guys’ from every future automated experience? Will we all speak like content creators?

It’s got me thinking how far we’ve really got down this true path to ‘self’. How much of our indignation to correct what’s been historically wrong is real and genuine, and how much is it just performative virtue signalling and likes on social media? And how words are important.

In one week I lost count of how often I was ‘one of the guys’.

It kicked off with an early morning trip to the Monday morning circuit class (90% women) our perky instructor says ‘Guys, listen up. Here’s what we’re going to do’. About twenty five utterances and 45 minutes later I’ve heard everything from ‘guys you’ve got this’ and ‘c’mon guys don’t give up!’. As I stride confidently out of the class, high on endorphins, I feel buzzed after the class and throw my towel over my shoulder in a 'macho' way. I mean, why fight it?

Later that day I’m on an all-female client call in which we’re encouraging each other towards successful outcomes. ‘You guys will know what to do’ is said several times. Yep we’ve got this. I get up and whistle my way into the kitchen to make another coffee.

Does anyone really care? I ask colleagues of all ages how they feel about the phrase. Well it’s a mixed bag. Nobody really thinks about it.

“It’s just… friendly.”

“I say it all the time.”

And “Now you say it, why are we always guys?'

“Using gender-neutral pronouns increases positive attitudes towards women and LGBTQ+ people, through reducing the prominence of male identity and subsequently causing less gender-based bias.” via BBC Culture

It all stems from language changes made in the 18th century according to this Time article. It explains how back in the 18th century we lost the second person singular and how ‘guys’ stuck following the antics of a certain Guy Fawkes. In the early 20th century it entered our vernacular and has stuck.

But it’s gendered language at the end of the day.

Microfeminism and Google

Google have taken note:

“Google products are to encourage users to choose non-gendered language to avoid the risk of causing offence.” The Times

I won’t be the first or last to raise these points and I just got tipped by a brilliant PR about the Microfeminism trend in TikTok, which is “all the small changes people can make, particularly in the workplace, to fight gender inequality”.

Now I know not everyone will agree. But I have observed that only amongst some forward-thinking departments and progressive businesses has there been any real appetite to encourage any adaptations to the way we use the phrase.

English, unlike so many languages, is ungendered. However, defaulting to using the male pronoun as a catch all everyday phrase demonstrates just how much of our own identities we are freely submitting (and erasing).

This is why I’m raising the point here online and in conversation. I believe that every small change and tweak we make today can make a little difference. What do you think?

Footnote (for those still reading)

For those who worry about what other alternatives there are out there, this tweet says it all.

Question from a pronoun frustrated educator: “But what IS a gender neutral way of greeting a room of students?” Me: “Hello everyone.” via Dr Joseph Hartland

Other gender neutral ways of addressing a group:

• People
• Team
• Friends
• Folks
• All
• Everybody

What do you think?