Why I decided to drop my Chinese-Indonesian(ized) surname?

tldr:

• I hate my Chinese-Indonesianized surname as it sticks in my identity like a benign tumor
• I adopted my maternal grandmother's surname as my public identity to honor her memory - except my distant cousin, no one else inherits this surname.
• no, I haven't changed my legal surname because it's complicated to do in Indonesia, and it's embarrassing to hear my Dutch surname spelled wrong.
• I would rather use my Chinese surname, but maybe after Indonesia becomes more inclusive

Long version

If you have been part of my LinkedIn network, or met me in real life (perhaps we have been working together, or you read my novel, or read one of my columns back then), you may remember me as Calvin (Michel) Sidjaja. And you probably were wondering, why suddenly I changed my LinkedIn name into Calvin Sidjaya (notice that the second last letter is different), and then suddenly you may notice already that I changed my surname as de Wilde. Just how many names that I have? What's the purpose of changing your professional and personal name?

It was not an easy decision. I have my own reasons.

Shi Family: a short history

As you may have noticed, I am an ethnically Chinese person. My paternal great grandfather, Sie Ho Long (施荷农) migrated from Zhangzhou to the Dutch East Indies during the last days of the Qing empire. My uncle told me, great grandfather left China because he felt there was no hope there. There were endless wars and an entire generation was drugged with opium. Sie Ho Long came from a scholarly family. His great grandfather, Shi Tiao Geng (施調赓) was a Jinshi - some sort of imperial advisor during the Qing Dynasty. At first he wanted to come to Taiwan hoping to find a job as a teacher. However, he was invited to come to Makassar by the local kapiten, and ended up marrying a peranakan Chinese woman named Thio Gwee Nio (張月娘) a daughter of successful local peranakan trademan Thio Kai Boen (sp?). Instead of becoming a teacher, Sie Ho Long became a successful businessman instead.

Sie Ho Long had three sons and 11 daughters. His son, named Sie Ie Tjoan (施貽銓) (the second man from the left, carrying a little girl) was my grandfather.

My great grandfather, was only able to speak three languages: Hokkien, Mandarin, and Makassarese. My uncle and aunts said he was a good man. During the war, he became the head of Makassar Merchant Association (Persatuan Pedagang Makassar) and distributed foods to the impoverished people during the Japanese occupation. My great grandfather passed away around 1974 (est.).

(left: my paternal great great grandmother's tomb. right: my paternal great grandparent and my great grandmother's tomb. His tomb is located in Bolangi, Makassar)

When I looked at the photo of his funeral, I was surprised to saw that my grandfather actually wore a long white hat. At some point of the history in our family, we were Confucian. Most of my family members are either Christians, Catholics, or Buddhists (very few are Muslims), and I almost never met any Chinese-Indonesians who practice Confucian anymore in Indonesia, just like I almost never meet a Chinese-Indonesian who is fluent in speaking Chinese language, or not having Indonesianized surname.

Assimilationist policy during Soeharto's new order

Perhaps you are wondering what happened? After Soeharto secured power and launched his coup during G 30 S, Soeharto issued oppressive laws to forcibly assimilate the Chinese-Indonesians, whom Soeharto thought, the root of all problems in Indonesia.

These policies were also supported by a few members of the elite Chinese-Indonesian community who called themselves assimilationists. The assimilationists supported the absorption of Chinese-Indonesians into Indonesian indigenous groups. The Chinese-Indonesian culture and identity was considered as a problem that could divide Indonesia, thus their unique cultural traits had to be eliminated. The assimilationists argued the elimination of Chinese culture and identity was necessary for the safety of Chinese-Indonesians.

Under Soekarno's rule, there were few restriction on business-related policies, however the rationale was that, the Indonesian natives must be given more opportunity in the economy. Soekarno did not restrict or oppressed Chinese culture. In fact, the Chinese Indonesians were very active, especially in BAPERKI.

In a very simple term, the forced assimilation policies were actually a form of cultural genocide. Before the forced assimilation policies were implemented, the Chinese-Indonesians were known to have the highest proficiency of Mandarin in southeast asia.

Now? Most of them cannot speak a single word other than "Gong Xi" and "Xie Xie", let alone teaching the Indonesians mandarin language. They must be imported from the Mainland. How ironic it is? Soeharto destroyed two generations of Chinese culture, and five decades later the country struggled to teach basic mandarin to tap China's economic growth? What's the point of all the oppressive assimilationist policies if in the end the Chinese language skill is actually needed and desired?

History is a cycle of irony.

Finding my heritage

During my study in New Zealand, I decided to study Soeharto's forced assimilation for my master thesis. I justified this topic because most of the studies' related to development studies overlooked Chinese-Indonesians as a case study. While Will Kymlicka stated that Chinese-Indonesians' situation is not entirely unique because it is also similar to middle class LGBT, I don't think he made a correct apple-to-apple comparison.

Can a loss of cultural identity affect your well-being? Isn't it enough to be economically established when you are a politically weak minority?

Apparently no. Based on 60 respondents on my survey when I conducted this research in 2014 most of them felt insecure with their inability to speak Chinese and constantly being prejudiced as Chinese. Most of them would be glad if the Indonesians call them "Indonesians" instead of "Chinese-Indonesians".

From Sie to "Sidjaja"

While my paternal family just have been here recently, and I am technically the fourth generation of Chinese migrant in Indonesia, most of my family members have no emotional attachment to China and we consider Indonesia as our motherland. Chinese-Indonesians have been here for more than five centuries, Soeharto did not need to enforce assimilationist policy to kill the Chinese culture, the Chinese Indonesians would assimilate (or at least integrate) naturally. Soeharto basically has undone a five centuries of a natural assimilation.

During my research, I also found old legal letters "Surat Pernjataan Ganti Nama", and I could find the name of my father and his siblings adopted western-sounding names. However the surname received the most ridiculous treatment. As my family surname is spelled "Sie", my grandfather added the word "Jaja" (Jaya) to make it sound Indonesian. Thus, from Sie, we became "Sidjaja".

Now you are probably wondering, at this point, why my name was written as "Sidjaya". Apparently, it was a typo, and I am the only one having this problem. It's not because of 1972 spelling reform. My sister's surname has a correct pronunciation. Not so terrible, but it was irritating because I only realized the correct spelling after I graduated from bachelor's degree.

This was the time when I was undecided which surname I should use because my novel was published under the name Calvin Michel Sidjaja. When I published my columns, which name I should use? My author name or legal name? In the end I published my later columns under my legal name just to harmonize everything.

This ambiguity even reflected from my personal email. If you have my personal email address, you are probably aware that its address is [email protected]. Yep, no surname there. When I made it a decade ago, I was still confused, which surname I should use?

In the end I didn't choose, to keep the option open just in case something like this happens, and my intuition was correct - this problem happened.

Later on, as if adding an insult to the injury, I found a letter behind my birth certificate, indicated a presence SBKRI, another legacy of Soeharto where it indicated the Chinese renounced their Chinese citizenship to become an Indonesian citizen. It was later used to extort Chinese-Indonesians in administrative matters.

My reflection on being a Chinese-Indonesian

Personally, I never considered my Chinese ethnic background seriously until I grew older. When I heard May 1998 riot was happening, I was 12 years old and still living in Tangerang, far from the center of chaos. Back then I felt safe, and I even still able to go the to schools, while most of the parents were upset. I didn't understand how severe the gravity of the situation back then.

Later on, as the politics of "othering" in Indonesia grew louder and louder, I cannot help but to grow conscious of my ethnic identity. Before 1998, I always considered myself an Indonesian. I thought I was equal with any other Indonesians. I was color-blind, did not realize Indonesia has a very diverse ethnic groups and a long history of violence toward the ethnic Chinese-Indonesians. Later on, I realized my parents have put me in a bubble. I grew up in Catholic schools where I befriended mostly with Chinese-Indonesians and upper middle class native Indonesians (who are either Catholics or Christians), but rarely had any friends from other ethnic background. But at that time, I didn't think about ethnicity. I think everyone was simply "Indonesian", the only difference was the skin color, after all, I was always taught that Indonesia is a very diverse country

My color-blindness even supported with the presence my large extended family from maternal grandparent's side where some of my family members are from upper middle class Muslim family. I am always invited to Eid. I took my multicultural background as granted, not realizing that it is not the norm. Every time I ask my Chinese-Indonesian friends, whether they have Muslim family members or are they invited to Eid they usually answer "No".

My first friendship with muslims? Actually it was during my undergraduate study in Parahyangan Catholic University.

De Wilde: a short history

Of all my family members, my maternal grandmother was probably the most different compared to all my family members. Physically, she looked very different compared to majority of my Chinese-Indonesian family members.

I knew very little about my grandmother until she passed away suddenly, a week before my birthday in 2005. All I remember was her cookings, she used to cook for my sister and I, as our birthday fell on the 28th February and the 3rd March. My maternal grandmother was named "Suze de Wilde", however I only discovered the spellings of her name and her Dutch surname only after she passed away in 2005. All this time I thought it was a nickname "Suus" because she loved to cook.

I thought all my family members were Chinese! Imagine my surprise when I found my oma's background. She was actually Indo People. She did not undergo any name-changing policy and kept her original surname all her life.

I conducted genealogical research for 9 years after my oma passed away. Luckily the Dutch East Indies colonial government recorded almost everything on their archive, and because we still keep most of the important documents from the colonial times, I was able to trace her ancestors. Apparently my grandmother's Dutch family has been in Indonesia longer than my Chinese family. Her ancestor migrated from the Dutch Ceijlon to Batavia in 1746 with a ship named "Tolsduin", and passed away in 1769.

My grandmother's family history is rather obscure, and probably reflected the social standing of her family during the Dutch East Indies, as there was a very little mention about "de Wilde" in almost all archives. DNA test basically proved all my research, and I could only smile when I found out I have a Dutch and Srilankan ancestry, and probably a Jewish ancestry too.

Most of my grandmother's closest family members now live in Netherlands, and I reunited with her older sister's grandchildren and her living cousins (and their grandchildren too) during my trip in Netherlands in 2013 (the miracle of internet), and we have been connected ever since.

When I met my Dutch (Indo) side, I felt a surreal sense of familiarity (as they are very hospitable and warm, just like my maternal grandmother's family) but also a sense of exclusion (because I cannot speak Dutch and looked Chinese). However, I cannot help to feel being emotionally attached to the Dutch side of my extended family.

Why dropping the name?

However, it took a while before I decided to drop my Chinese-Indonesian(ized) family name. Few months ago, I remember there was an anti religious-blasphemy rally occurred in Jakarta. While by the end of the day I was safe, but I remembered the fear when the media and social media started to post news about the rally turned into anti-Chinese rally. I texted my Chinese-Indonesian friends who are living in Jakarta and whether they were safe or not.

That's when I realized I just experienced the fear of 1998 myself. I was genuinely worried that rally would turn uncontrollable and the 1998 repeated again. A lot of my Chinese-Indonesian friends were very paranoid and locked their house tight.

While it was essentially an anti-Ahok rally, Ahok is an ethnic chinese. It's very easy to spill any rally into anti-minority attacks. If you want to attack somebody, you use anything irrelevant and his personal background to win the battle. That's what happening in the Jakarta's governor election.

After that dreaded day, I decided to contact all the publishers that have published my columns and asked them to change my published name (for the web archives - such as Jerusalem Post) into Calvin de Wilde. Some complied, some did not reply at all.

I chose de Wilde because this is my closest surname that is connected with Indonesia. Of course, my grandmother had more surnames such as Pietersz, Piron, van Der Velde, and Sijmons (this one might be a Jewish, cannot be confirmed/denied), but I know nothing of those people. So I decided to adopt my grandmother's surname, also so that I will never forget her.

Why Chinese-Indonesians don't change their name?

Personally, I never had any attachment with my Chinese-Indonesian(ized) surname, and the name always reminds me to the history of oppression of Chinese-Indonesians during the New Order. While I am more than willing to use my original surname, Sie, I feel it does not empower me at all, because 1998 has not been resolved. As long as that piece of history is never resolved, I probably will never want to use my Chinese family name.

Things like this also still happen:

(source: an angry man from Quora)

Yes, I am aware changing legal name may add problems with the administration, but I think it is worth it because your name reflects who you are, and the history of yourself, and I just don't want to bring the name given by Soeharto to my grave.