Why I am talking about being Autistic

Over #AutismAwarenessMonth, I’ve enjoyed the musings of our #ActuallyAutistic community on social media.?

I’ve been very verbal about ADHD, but less so about being autistic as I’m still working out the full extent of what this means to me.?

Often it’s the other way around for most people, declaring themselves as autistic but hiding their ADHD (Dr Tony Lloyd himself has referred to ADHD as the “Voldemort acronym that one shall not speak about ”).?

I hope that by sharing my lived experience of how Autistic Spectrum + ADHD + Auditory Processing Disorder + Stuttering manifested for me, it will help someone out there come to terms with their own differences.?

Social Communication?

Early in school, I was very quiet, often observing facial expressions and studying how people react to each other.?

In a class of 40, it’s very noisy and I find it hard to hear what the teacher says unless I sit right in front. At times, it would feel too laborious to do so, and this made me feel sleepy so I would have a nap behind my books.?

I stutter when I’m nervous. Stuttering surfaces during unexpected times - often when I’m doing something important like standing with a microphone on a stage. I’d like to say it’s purely psychological but I know it’s as much a product of my brain's development of neural pathways as it is a result of anxiety. I sometimes compensate by speaking faster, other times pausing to ensure the stutter never happens.

Sometimes the thoughts I have in my head are so good, but they don’t translate when I try to articulate them.

I sometimes fight monotone by sounding more excited than I should be.?

Process Thinking

I’m a serial business and career starter, and the longevity of each business and career depend very much on whether I could see a future in them.?

If I can’t see the road, I can’t do it. It’s that simple.?

On the contrary, I believe one of the blessings of my autistic way of thinking is the capacity to think in process and structure. If I believe in my vision, I can visualise structures to build, and the roadmap to get to my goal.?

My ADHD brain also chips in by helping me scan the horizon for any potential trip ups, so I can be prepared when they come.?

Behaving

I find it difficult to interpret nuances in conversations, and so being able to see someone when they talk helps me work out their real intentions.

My first bullying experience occurred at Sixth form in a new school, when I realised you can invite bullying just by breathing… or walking.?

Some girls would assume I walked in a way that is “funny” - for the longest time I’m not sure why when I put my feet together, they aren’t aligned but instead they point out causing me to walk in a jiggly way.?

In university I put my head down to achieve straight As, but my lack of understanding of how to hack female social relationships has seen me being labelled as “arrogant”, when all it is, is that I?just didn’t subscribe to the same social code. I can appear as being friendly and sociable, which is what confuses people when I don’t take the time to try and be their friend.?

I have always been and remain a lone wolf, which was why science suited me for so long because I was the sole charge of my science experiments.?

These bullying would have been harmless, if it didn’t transfer from the students to a lecturer whom I have asked to be my referee for my postgraduate scholarship application.?

Need to control every situation

With all the anxieties of how things can go wrong, it’s no wonder I’ve a deep need to control the outcome of situations I find myself in.?

When I sat in the audience listening to

Dr Helen Needham at the Future is ND event, she said,

“My way of coping is to ensure I control the sh@t out of every situation”.

I’ve never felt more seen. ?

I’ve been told by my family to relax and not need to worry all the time, even though when problems happen, I’m the go to person.?

What should the takeaway be?

If you ask why #ActuallyAutistic people are sharing their stories this month, it is because we have not had the voice to explain our own behaviours and the reasons for why we’ve been misunderstood for so long.?

I often tell companies to adopt a culture of compassion, why is this important??

Because humans tend to adopt herd mentality.

If we set the tone from the top down, have a culture of openness, understanding, which spreads so that each and every person in the company?and soon your autistics, ADHDers, dyslexics, dyspraxics, dyscalculics (or stutterers like me) can find a home in common ground.?

About the author:

Dr Samantha Hiew is the Director of ADHD Girls , a company with a dual mission to empower girls and women with ADHD to thrive in society and improve societal understanding of ADHD.?

Sam?has a background in healthcare communications and a medical science PhD, which she harnesses to create thought-provoking digital campaigns, talks, workshops and events within education and work settings to improve cultural understanding of ADHD and provide best practice approach to support ADHDers.

Sam is the Head of Communications for Aybe , a community-led platform with a mission to support the wellbeing of neurodiverse (ND) families and empower them through evidence-based tools, knowledge and advice.

Her work has been recognised with double nominations in the “Stereotype Buster” and Community Choice” categories at the 2022 Celebrating Neurodiversity Awards.?