Why I will always think love is the answer...

The unforgiving and all-consuming forces of nature have been writ large across all our media for the last two weeks. The worst earthquakes in over a century in Turkey and Syria have killed in excess of 46,000 people and injured more than 70,000 according to the latest figures from the British Red Cross.?They estimate that the earthquakes have directly impacted 23 million people.

On the opposite side of the world in New Zealand Cyclone Gabrielle affected almost a third of the Nation’s population and their Prime Minister said this was a weather event not seen ‘…in a generation…’ As a result, the New Zealand Government declared a state of emergency – only the third in their national history.?

Natural disasters like these remind us how truly fragile all human life is in the face of these forces.?In these moments Mother Nature demonstrates its power mercilessly and indiscriminately.?Yet human nature so often rises to these terrible, challenging circumstances: the resilience of rescue workers; the compassion and caring of medical professionals; the generosity of the general public indeed our own colleagues in raising charitable donations for the survivors.?There is something in adversity and crisis that so often reveals the very best of the human spirit.?

However, I have also been reflecting this week on the murder of the 16-year-old transgender schoolgirl Brianna Grey.?Brianna was described as a much-loved daughter, granddaughter, and sister by her grieving family. She had her whole life in front of her and whilst Cheshire Police initially said there was no evidence that this was a hate crime all lines of enquiry are now ‘…being explored…’?

In 2022 reported hate crime against members of the LGBT+ Community increased by 41% and there was a staggering 56% increase in transphobic hate crimes over the last year. Too often transphobic narratives in the media, and amongst politicians, have been allowed to grow unchecked, unchallenged and without balance. I often say that the language we use shapes the world around us.?I want to be clear that as an out gay man who has personally been a victim of homophobic violence that sadly the words, we use can translate into violence particularly for trans, non-binary and gender non-conforming people.??

This month is LGBT+ History Month in the UK and I had originally planned to write something more upbeat and positive. About all the progress society has made, how far the LGBT+ Community have come on our journey, and how much there is to celebrate. Today we have Civil Partnerships, Equal Marriage, and Adoption, out LGBT+ celebrities (including a small but growing number of sports people), senior LGBT+ politicians and business leaders, LGBT+ characters and representation across every type of media and social channel. However, I am struggling to comprehend why human lives are still being lost not to the unstoppable forces of Mother Nature but the darkest sides of human nature??

Anyone who has ever attended a training session delivered by me: a Belbin or Myers Briggs (MBTI) Team workshop, the 7 Habits or the Speed of Trust, will know of my love and study of human psychology.?In the 1970's, a psychologist named Henri Tajfel developed Social Identity Theory.?This theory says that when we define ourselves, we do so in large part by asserting our loyalty to the groups to which we belong.?This is also described as the tribe mentality: the human tendency to seek out and connect with like-minded people who share common interests, beliefs, or habits.?

From an evolutionary standpoint, being able to spot someone different or outside '…the tribe…' had distinct safety advantages. So much so that our brain can be tricked into inclusion or exclusion with the smallest and most illogical of differences. Tajfel’s experiments showed that humans can enter into us-versus-them thinking in seconds, and they will do so over just about anything.?Brianna Grey was stabbed to death by a boy and girl, both aged 15 – her peers.?

Last Tuesday was Valentine’s Day when around the world partners, lovers, friends, and family exchanged cards, chocolates, flowers, and other gifts in honour of the Patron Saint of Courtly Love so perhaps simple as it sounds in the words of the song: love is the answer.?

If we all took a little more time to understand each other; our lived experiences; our beliefs; our concerns – in the words of the The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People : Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood – to listen empathetically without judgement.?To ask questions – its OK not to understand or to be confused – so that we all gain a better, well informed, shared appreciation.?To be an active ally: for all of us be a listener; be open minded; be willing to talk and believe that all people, regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation should be treated with dignity and respect.

?To quote from FranklinCovey again if we have an Abundance Mentality (Habit 4), there should be more than enough compassion, love and understanding for all of us: the victims in New Zealand, Syria, and Turkey and all those closer to home.

?I believe that we have so much more in common than what divides us; so many more shared experiences: that my tribe is actually not that different to yours.?Being an ally is simply us showing up for each other. At the Financial Services Compensation Scheme we pride ourselves on our inclusive environment – an environment we have built together by proactively increasing our knowledge and understanding.?

?Finally, whatever you were doing on Valentine’s Day I hope you were having as magical a time as Laurence I Clark and I were enjoying lunch in the sunshine in Antibes.?Last year we celebrated our 20th Anniversary and whilst he doesn’t always believe it, he is both the secret of my success and the best thing that ever happened to me.?

?Have a wonderful weekend, David