Why Humor Is The Perfect Coaching Tool
Jill Douka MBA, MCC Top 4 percent of Coaches
?? I train high achievers to become world-class coaches | ICF Accredited
Think about life without humor for just one second. To take everything so seriously and doubt every decision. To step forward by looking back. To be mean and hurtful to others. To miss the deeper meaning of life. To follow your mind consistently and close your ears to your heart's wishes.
We use humor in everyday life to find a light-hearted way to interpret life. We can choose to use humor as a coaching tool to encourage clients to see the bright side of things, and let me assure you that even in the darkest hour, there is a beam of light waiting to cast its hope on us. There are times we exaggerate, and we despair, even if things are not as wrong as we think. Humor is the skill to explore the possibilities rather than just sitting on the pain and suffering.
Every time I hear one of my clients declare that they are living through their worst times ever (and mean it at that time), I use a spirited joke to shake this grave feeling. And once shaken, self-consciousness suddenly awakens, and a new flare of hope and aspiration rises. "So you truly think it is the end of the world, right?" I ask them, and before they reply, I add, "Damn, I wish you had told me before because I've just renewed my new life insurance."
Let us reflect on this joke for just one minute, and let's clear things up. Humor has nothing to do with sarcasm. The previous joke doesn't intend to fool around with the client. Its only intention is to loosen up a bit this seriousness that leads nowhere. Humor releases hard feelings; however, sarcasm conveys the intention of playing around and making a fool of someone. The previous example doesn't comply with either of these two. After all, being ironic is opposite to the core competencies of practicing coaching. It would be entirely cynical to say to the client, "So would you like to sell me your new car?" for example, as it would imply that you are making fun of their agony, no matter how unjustified you think it is.
Sure, sometimes it's hard to distinguish between humor and irony, but the most significant difference between them is detected through intentions. While you humor a situation to make the other person feel better and focus on the bright side, you are sarcastic to make them feel worse and inferior.
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Being humorous leads to resourcefulness, and that enables, even more, the coaching attendance and presence during a session. It's absolutely ok to express distress, and a coaching relationship encourages such openness of negativity. On the other hand, it's also crucial to accept life with its ups and downs.
Given that, we reflect on how precious is the time we have in life. We don't have time to spare on hopelessness. As Gandalf says in Tolkien's The Fellowship of the Ring, "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us." Why waste it in misery?
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