Topic #2: How humor strengthens bonds and cultivates an open, safe environment
Think for a minute about your most meaningful human relationships. Got it? Great! Think about the first time you spoke to these people. What makes these people special to you? How do you spend your time with them? What about these people make you feel safe and comfortable?
Are they jerks? Do they hold themselves at a higher level than you? Do you spend your time in fear that they are constantly judging what you're doing? Do you have to recite some sort of mantra to get the courage to talk to them? Oh, sweet heavens, I hope not!
Chances are these relationships started and continue with laughter. The only pain you feel is the pain from a headache because you let out your wheeze laugh, cutting the flow of oxygen to your brain. Oh, I love that feeling. You know the one where you know your face looks like Jack Nicholson in the Shining, but you have no control over it. It's the best. And only your true friends won't run in fear.
Now let's take this to a deeper, scarier level. We all know we hold ourselves differently at work. We're a little more uptight. Our walls a little higher and our lips are sealed. Why? Think about what I asked you in the second paragraph, but apply that to work. If you have no clue what I am talking about, move along and read my next article or put this in your bookmarks for later. If you just got a sinking feeling, don't worry. I'm here for you.
I have spent more time as a "boots on the ground, bill to the client" employee than I have on the other end. And let me tell you, it is scary when you have a commanding leader who is totally disconnected from what it's like to be in your shoes. I have had a boss who was so terrifying that I witnessed her not fire just one, or two people in front of everyone, but three! And toss things across the room while doing it. I have also been an employee of someone who dressed like a pink unicorn during an all hands meeting (if you are reading this - you know who you are!). Tell me...who is more approachable? Who do you want to go work for everyday?
Me, personally? Unicorn. All. Day. Every. Day.
You can be a professional and be a silly goose. Shocking...I know! We don't have to go to work and be uptight suits. We can be real people. I have a few ways you can practice this mindfulness at work.
- Laugh! Think about how you present yourself to your employees and coworkers. Now I get it, believe it or not I have a resting...um...serious face. I wear exactly what I'm thinking on my face. It's a blessing and a curse. But it humanizes me. I am real person, with real thoughts. One of my favorite faces...authentic smiles. Making someone laugh or having someone make you laugh is the best way to lower the walls we put up at work. You can create an instant sense of comfort and relatability.
- Listen to tone. So often times for us who work from home, tone is missed by a LONGSHOT in an email or a Teams message. You have to be so mindful when sending a message. When I want Josh to hurry it up and get me that TPS report. I shoot him a message, "Josh...TPS report?" Now Josh is thinking, "Wow, that was rude. Your little TPS report is now on my back burner." Whereas, I type, "Hey Buddy! Saw your TikTok this weekend. Your little doggo is such a cutie! Looks like you had a fun time at the dog park!! So I am just about to wrap up some things and would love to get that TPS report over to Samantha so we can all feel good about the ending this Monday!! Again, super cute doggo! <insert all dog emojis and maybe a gif>" Now Josh is thinking, "This woman is following me on TikTok? Help. Also, I don't do TPS reports." Okay, how do we solve this? GET ON THE PHONE! If tone gets lost and frustrations are high. Pick up the phone and call that person. Make yourself and the person you are frustrated with human. Anyway, chances are that person in no way intended what you thought. I encourage you to make a little small talk, get to know that person on a human level and not just a name that you see in your project management software. And for some extra credit to this assignment: a little spice of self deprecation can go a looooong way! "Hey Josh, I really looked like an impatient crazy person there, didn't I?" Josh knows you did, but he will probably say, "nah, you're good." We need more Joshes.
- Don't sweat the small stuff. This is for the managers. Your employees are doing the best they can. They want to do a good job. But they make human mistakes. Their kids get sick. They have a construction crew coming to fix the basement wall and we want to be there when it happens. Smile at these moments. Relax and show compassion. Remember that every time you show understanding, that wall comes down a little more with your employees. And trust fills that space. This is no way is saying not to hold people accountable. Do that! Run your tight ship! However, I encourage you to meet these obstacles with grace and a friendly face. Find a good balance that makes your employee feel heard and welcome. I promise you they will give that energy back to you and your company.
I want to hear from you! How do you break down those professional walls we put up? Both with yourself and coworker?
