Why The Hell I Am What I Am

The year 1976. I was 14 years old and, apart from focusing on studies, I was incredibly involved in stage performance with a local Theater group. Frankly speaking, at that time, my dream was to become an actor.

? ? ? My mother was a Tiger Lady and she left no stone unturned to ensure that all her children studied hard and excelled in academics.

? ? ? After 12th Board Examination I got an interview invitation for admission in Regional Engineering College, Nagpur (Now known as NIT, Nagpur). I did good in science subjects called PCM at that time (Phy, Chem and Math), and was shortlisted.

? ? ? However, I fell short of passing grade by 12 marks in the language of English. The same language, I am using right now. Surprisingly, I was given what used to be called grace marks at that time and cleared Board Examination.

? ? ? I didn't apply anywhere outside my native state. Since one of my close friends, who originally got the Admission Form did not do well, gave it to me.

? ? ? Upon his insistence, I filled it up and posted. Then forgot about the same. When, one fine morning, the Postman handed over the admission invitation letter to my Mother, the conspiracy of Destiny begun.

? ? ? Despite repeated pleas to my mother for allowing me take admission in the local college for Bachelor of Science, I was packed off to Nagpur for pursuing a professional course I was least interested.

? ? ? My only interest at that time was to act on stage, and I had acted in more than a dozen plays by then. I did the same with my professional course. Just acted.

? ? ? The dream of becoming an actor was crushed and was beyond my control. I had no other options but to accept the same, and I did.

? ? ? Fast forward. In the year 2007, I started writing articles in English and published on my newly launched Blog, means Personal Website.

? ? ? That Blog became an instant hit in no time, and by the end of 2008 it became the 4th most popular blog in India. Then again something happened and I stopped writing. It was personal. So don't ask me the reason.

? ? ? What I am trying to highlight is very simple: Don't we have free will? Or, we are only the pawns of Destiny?

? ? ? Even though I was a strict believer of what Swami Vivekananda said long ago: "Stand up. Be Bold. Be strong. Take the whole responsibility on your own shoulders & know that you're the creator of your own destiny," today I am confused.

? ? ? Looking back at my life developments, I am unable to convince myself that I am the creator of what I am today. Infact, I never wanted to be what I am now. Why the hell I am what I am?

? ? ? With a strong determination to become a writer, I may be trying to invalidate what I never believed ever: That Destiny governs our lives.

? ? ? Crushed between what I believe and what had happened in my life beyond my control, I still have the faith in my abilities to change the verdict of Destiny.

? ? ? Most call it Karma and I call it simple and unrelenting actions. Act so much that Destiny has no other options but to give in, and grant you what you wish to achieve in this life.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

Originally punlished on my Personal Blog at www.abhijitkar.com