Why healing from emotional trauma is messy - and what you can do to make it easier

We might think that acknowledging we have been through trauma and distancing ourselves from the perpetrator is the hardest part - but, difficult though that is, it’s only the start of our healing journey.

Once ‘en route’, healing from emotional trauma can feel extremely 'messy' and we may find ourselves questioning whether we are actually moving forwards - maybe even considering ‘giving in’ and going back to an abuser.

Having a better understanding of why it feels this way and knowing what we can do to avoid being overwhelmed by the process can be extremely empowering. And funnily enough that’s exactly what we’re looking at this month!

Here are some key reasons why healing feels messy:

- Non-linear Progress: Healing doesn't follow a straight path; it involves ups and downs, making it unpredictable.

You can feel strong and sure of yourself one day yet have a complete emotional meltdown the next.

- Emotional Intensity: Confronting past trauma can bring up strong, sometimes overwhelming emotions. The emotions might even feel worse than you remembered when you were going through the trauma.

- Surface of Unexpected Issues: As you heal, underlying issues you weren’t initially aware of may come to the surface.?

- Physical Manifestations: Emotional healing can cause physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, migraines, unexplained pains or illness.

- Resistance to Change: The mind and body may resist the healing process, leading to inner conflict and discomfort. There will be a strong pull towards the familiarity of the traumatic environment that is at odds with your desire to heal.

The following will also add to the ‘messy’ list, making you question whether you are really healing:

- Lack of Immediate Results: Progress can be slow and subtle, making it hard to see changes in the short term.

- Ambiguity in Symptoms: Symptoms of healing can resemble those of trauma, such as anxiety or sadness, making it hard to distinguish between the two.

- Comparison to Others: Comparing your journey to others' can lead to feeling inadequate or behind in your healing.

Once you’re aware of how much of a roller-coaster this really is, things can already feel a bit better.

Here are some tips to make your ride even smoother:

- Accept Non-linearity: Embrace the fact that healing is a journey with ups and downs. Patience and self-compassion are essential.

- Build Emotional Resilience: Develop coping strategies such as mindfulness, meditation, and breathing exercises to manage intense emotions.

- Seek Professional Help: Work with a therapist or coach who can guide you through the process and help you address unexpected issues.

- Track Progress: Keep a journal of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences to recognise patterns and progress over time.

- Physical Self-care: Prioritise rest, nutrition, and exercise to support your body through the physical manifestations of emotional healing.

- Embrace Discomfort: Understand that resistance is part of the process. The tendency is to distract ourselves and avoid feeling uncomfortable but we grow and become stronger by riding it out.

- Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that healing takes time and progress may be gradual. Set small, achievable goals to measure progress.

- Avoid Comparisons: Focus on your own journey and avoid comparing it to others'. Everyone heals at their own pace. Compare you with yourself - one month ago, one year ago etc - you are the only benchmark that matters!

- Celebrate Milestones: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements in a way that’s meaningful to you, no matter how minor they seem. This will reinforce positive progress and keep motivation high.

During my own healing journey after divorce from an abusive narcissist I found myself questioning whether it was really that bad, even wondering if I was imagining the covert abuse. The trauma bond stayed strong for a long time and I didn’t truly believe I could live without this person.

Mind-blowing!

Eventually, I accepted that I HAD been a victim and was suffering from complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

That was the moment true healing could begin, in all its messiness!

If any of the above resonates with you and you'd like a chat, my inbox is always open ??

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Click on my bell ?? to see regular posts on all aspects of toxic relationships and emotional trauma.

You can also check out my YouTube channel "Trauma Recovery for Leaders & Entrepreneurs" - especially one of my recent videos 'Why trauma feels messy' (https://youtu.be/Lgqgz43_dl0).

If you'd like an informal chat about a toxic relationship or emotional trauma that you feel is holding you back as a leader or entrepreneur, DM me and we'll get a coffee chat booked in ??