Why ‘Having It All’ Is a Myth , And What to Do Instead

Women today are being pulled in so many directions. We grew up hearing messages about empowerment, being told we could have it all. And while that message was meant to inspire us, it has also led to burnout, exhaustion, and self-doubt. We find ourselves trying to balance everything: work, relationships, home life, and personal growth, all while keeping up an image of success.

But the truth is, we don’t have to do it all. We just need to trust that we can choose what matters most to us. Success isn't about ticking every box, it’s about building a life that feels like home. That’s where self-acceptance comes in. The pressure to have it all together can feel overwhelming, but when we redefine success on our own terms, we can finally start living in a way that feels right for us.

Why We Feel This Pressure

There are so many reasons why women feel pressured to have everything figured out. Our families, society, and even our own expectations can make us believe that we should always be striving for more.

Parents often want the best for us, but their views are shaped by their own experiences. If they spent their life in a stable job, they may worry when we take risks. If they struggled financially, they may push us towards security rather than passion. Then there’s social media, constantly showing us highlight reels of women who seem to be excelling in every area of life. It can feel like we’re falling behind if we’re not achieving at the same pace.

But the truth is, no one has it all figured out. Even the most successful people go through different phases, exploring different paths before finding what feels right. I once met a woman who now runs a thriving coaching business. Looking at her now, you’d think she had always known what she wanted. But in reality, she changed careers six times before getting to where she is today. She didn’t rush to have everything sorted by 25, she followed what felt right at each stage. That’s the key: we don’t have to know everything right now. We just need to be open to learning and growing.

Trusting Yourself to Make the Right Choices

One of the biggest reasons women feel stuck is because we don’t trust ourselves. We hesitate to make big decisions because we’re afraid of getting it wrong. But trust isn’t something that appears overnight, it’s built in small steps.

Think of trust like a staircase. At the bottom, it’s neutral; we don’t fully believe in ourselves yet, but we also haven’t let ourselves down. The next step is proving to ourselves that we can follow through. This means making small commitments and actually sticking to them. If you tell yourself you’re going to wake up early to exercise, do it. If you decide to take a day off for self-care, don’t cancel on yourself. Every time you keep a promise to yourself, you move up the ladder.

Eventually, trust becomes second nature. You stop doubting every decision because you know you have your own back. And when you trust yourself, you stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. You learn that you don’t need to do everything, you just need to do what’s right for you.

Letting Go of What’s Not Yours to Carry

Many women stay stuck in situations that don’t feel right because we’ve been taught to endure discomfort. Whether it’s staying in a job that drains us, keeping a relationship alive out of obligation, or pushing ourselves to exhaustion trying to meet impossible standards, we tell ourselves it’s normal to feel this way. But it’s not.

Discomfort isn’t always a sign of growth. Real growth makes us feel proud and strong, even when it’s hard. The wrong kind of discomfort just makes us feel drained. Before pushing through something difficult, ask yourself: How will I feel when this is over? If the answer is proud or accomplished (like finishing a workout or speaking up for yourself) then it’s probably worth it. But if you know deep down it’s only bringing relief from stress or pressure (like forcing yourself to stay in a job you hate) then it’s time to let it go.

One way to get clarity on this is to look at your values. When we live out of alignment with our values, life feels forced. But when we shape our choices around what truly matters to us, everything feels lighter. This is the difference between chasing success that looks good to others and building a life that feels right for you.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, start by acknowledging it. Then, take a step back and look at your life. Which areas feel good, and which ones don’t? Is it work? Relationships? Something else?

You don’t need to figure everything out overnight. Just start by choosing what matters most to you, not what you think you “should” be doing. Success isn’t about having it all together, it’s about feeling at home in your own life. And you are more than enough, exactly as you are.