Why Hasn't Anyone Told Me This Before?

Jared?(not his real name) is a young, hard-working and very intelligent leader. He is a very strong operator and he understands the ins and outs of the clinical and administrative units at the hospital where he works. When his boss, the hospital CEO, promoted him to the COO position, he knew that Jared had the technical knowledge to do the job, but needed to work on key aspects of his leadership style—his humility and open-mindedness. Jared had great potential and could go on to become one of the most successful leaders in the hospital system, but only if he could rein in his ego and listen more.

Jared always assumed that he was the smartest person in the room and he made sure that everyone knew it too. He opened every meeting that he led with a long monologue about his ideas and plans, and rarely allowed anyone to push back. He seldom asked for others’ inputs or created space for questions and discussions. The meetings were just opportunities for him to tell others what to do.

When I met with Jared for his kick-off day, we spent some time getting to know each other and then we got to his assessment reports. According to his scores, Jared’s usual behavior was decisive and highly competitive. More specifically, he tended to take direct action to get things done and rarely took time to reflect before acting. He remained detached from situations involving emotional complexity and was generally objective and matter-of-fact. When communicating with others, he was direct and straightforward and did not demonstrate any sensitivity towards their opinions or feelings. In addition, Jared’s EI report revealed that his scores on self-regard and assertiveness were at least 25 point over the recommended “balance range,” while his scores on empathy and emotional self-awareness were significantly lower.

Amazingly, this was the first time that Jared had heard this about himself—a significant blind spot. He looked at me with disbelief: “Why hasn’t anyone told me this before?” I explained to him that generally, when people work with someone with high confidence and remarkable intelligence, they tend to shy away from giving him direct feedback. I also explained to him that many aspects of his personality and EI are in fact leadership strengths: his confidence, decisiveness, and logical approach are undoubtedly what has allowed him to reach the level that he is at right now. However, when used in excess, many of these strengths can become weaknesses: too much confidence can turn into arrogance; high decisiveness can be seen as failure to listen to opposing views; extreme logic can become detachment from other team members. These weaknesses can be detrimental to a leader’s effectiveness, especially at the highest levels. In order to get noticed early in their careers, leaders need to demonstrate independence, determination, and quick thinking. However, these very attributes may result in derailment later on.?

After a long day of discussion and reflection, Jared was exhausted, but very grateful for the insights: “This is the first time in my career that I have pushed pause in order to better understand myself,” he said. Reflecting on his own personality and emotional intelligence was the starting point for his growth as a humbitious leader. He was committed to improving his humility and open-mindedness by changing the way he showed up at work every day and how he treated others on his new team.

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Amer Kaissi is a Professional Speaker, Executive Coach, and Professor at the Department of Healthcare Administration at Trinity University. Check it out his new book “Humbitious: The power of Low-Ego, High-Drive Leadership”. This article is an excerpt from the book.