Why Happiness is About Helping and Learning

Constructing a definition for happiness that applies to everyone is as difficult as defining love. There can’t be a collective description for happiness (or love) that applies equally to every person, simply because we all feel it, experience it and demonstrate it in different ways. Scientists use “subjective well-being or a person’s cognitive and affective evaluations of his or her life” as a proxy definition for happiness. However, such a simple definitionmakes people think that happiness is something to be pursued (and therefore that can be “reached”) by achieving a positive evaluation of one’s life and seeking events that will seemingly make us happy. 

In reality, I think that we have the capacity to be happy and find happiness in as many experiences of life as we consciously decide to. I believe that happiness is not something we can pursue or even reach, but rather a lifestyle, a philosophy by which we accept life’s events as they are. Sometimes it will be absolutely impossible to see the meaning of those events at the moment they happen. Some people actually think that whatever happens in their lives doesn’t have any meaning at all, that it is just life. However, sooner or later, I believe it will all come together and the meaning of every single event will make sense at the right moment, and the right time. Think about those decisions or events in your life that were very hard to get over or process. Now, how did those decisions/events make you a better person? What is their meaning today, long after they happened? 

The difference between a happy and an unhappy person is not in whether the events in their lives are fortunate or unfortunate, but rather in how they internalize, assimilate, understand and experience those events. As someone once said, we need to evolve from “the pursuit of happiness” (which can’t really happen, because happiness is not something to be “reached”) to “the happiness of pursuit” (which means experiencing life as it is, being happy – whether at the moment or not – with the events we experience). 

And there are two particular ongoing events in our lives in which we can be truly happy, they are: helping others and learning from everything. These are two of the most potent sources of happiness, and they are free!!! Here is why. 

Helping others

Stephen Post and Jill Neimark, in their book Why Good Things Happen to Good People, supported with science and research the reasoning behind the idea that people derive benefits from being good and giving, more so than from receiving. 

Post and Neimark tell many stories connecting people living a happy life with helping others, particularly when they were having a hard time in their lives. Helping others in an unconditional and unselfish way has two fantastic effects. One, it makes the recipient happy and, two, as some sort of “by-product”, it makes the giver happy as well (even though that is not what we were looking for in the first place). Approach a colleague in your office, or a stranger in the street, or anyone in need of something. And help them out. Then think about how you feel. If there was a “happymeter”, I’m sure yours would be higher at that moment. Now, the bottom line is helping others as a philosophy of your life, which results in happiness for everyone, rather than as an intentional way to feel better about yourself. Doing it unconditionally is the real source of happiness.  

Learning

Learning is another powerful source of happiness. And I’m not referring to the learning that comes from going to a class, or reading a math or physics book. Rather, the learning that brings happiness is derived from the capacity and open-mindedness to see events in life as opportunities to learn and continually step up in the quest to realize our potential. This is truly difficult, as sometimes we want to categorize events in terms of the immediate value they bring to our lives, rather than the long term potential they have. 

We need to consciously see the learning opportunities in the things that happen in life. Some events will make us really mad, some others sad to the point of tears. And even though seeing the value of each event at the moment it happens is not easy, eventually we need to get back up and consciously create the habit of taking the learning from it. 

I’m a true believer in everybody’s potential, and the need to continually add more skills and abilities in life in order to reach that potential. Thus, seeing life as a continuum of events and learning opportunities that make us better, stronger, smarter, and more prepared for the future, is in itself a way to live happier. The assumption here is, therefore, that life is good and we can be happy living it, with its highs and lows. Bad things and good things will happen, and the difference in the way they impact our life is not necessarily in the nature of the event itself, but the value we see in it. 

As soon as we start seeing life as a great master teaching us its lessons, one at a time, while we help others to realize their potential, we will have access to two powerful sources of happiness and unlock their impact on us. Only then will we not need to solely focus on the “positive” events or things (money, fame, etc.) to be happy, but we will live happily by experiencing life in its wholeness, with whatever it puts in our way. If you want to be sad, depressed, frustrated or anxious about something, be free to feel that way. You can mourn! But there’s got to be a time to get back up, learn from the experience, and move on.

Follow me on Twitter: @erubio_p
Visit my blog: www.innovationdev.org

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About the Author: Enrique Rubio is an Electronic Engineer and a Fulbright scholar with an Executive Master’s Degree in Public Administration from Syracuse University. Enrique is passionate about leadership, business and social entrepreneurship, curiosity, creativity and innovation. He is a blogger and podcaster, and also a competitive ultrarunner. Visit the blog: Innovation for Development and Podcast. Click here to follow Enrique on Twitter. 

Disclaimer: opinions are my own and not the views of my past of current employer