Why Grandpa Scared Me
John M. Bernard
National thought leader in transparent, accountable government. Author of GOVERNMENT THAT WORKS. A business leader who has taken the lessons from great businesses into government at the federal, state, and local levels.
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I grew up in a family that owned an automotive repair shop, gas station, and sold Goodyear tires in Milwaukie, Oregon, a suburb southeast of Portland. We were fortunate to have the business because there was always a job for me at Bernard’s Garage - and because you were family, you didn’t get overtime, but you could work as many hours as you wanted.
At the garage, I waited on gas customers (in the days when windows got washed and oil checked), changed the oil and serviced vehicles, repaired flat tires, swept floors, delivered cars to customers when the repairs were done, and went on service calls and parts runs into Portland. In the summers and holidays, I worked a lot of hours and was able to earn enough at the garage to pay my way through a private college and reduced tuition by editing my college paper.
My grandfather started the garage in 1925 on a city block in downtown Milwaukie where the Catholic church had been. A new church was built a few blocks up the road on a big enough plot of land for the church, a convent, a rectory, a school, a big playground, and a baseball diamond. The four-story school building had under one roof grades one through high school and included a full-size gym and big cafeteria.
Father John Bernard (yes, my namesake) was the pastor of the parish. He invited his little brother, my grandpa, to come and help build the church because of Grandpa’s skills. Grandpa was one of 11 kids in the Bernards’ family raised on a large farm near
Three generations of owners, brother Jim, grandpa and my dad. Dad and Jim both served as mayor of my hometown and Jim went on to be the Chair of the Clackamas County Board of Commissioners.
McMinnville, Oregon. Grandpa was a hammer and nails guy who was very talented mechanically and could build or fix anything.?He built our home and, among other things, a very cool go-cart we used to terrorize the neighborhood.
As a grandfather, he always had a smile on his face and mischief in his eyes. Grandpa always had hard candy in his pocket for the grandkids and he had a knack for making us all feel special. Every time I would see him, he would say this ditty: John, John the piper’s son. Stole a pig and away he run. Pig got loose, killed a goose. And John got put in the calaboose.
To this day I can hear him saying that to me with a smirk for a smile. I am certain none of the other 13 grandchildren had their grandpa ditty.
I share this story to make a point, and I am about there.
About age 12 my dad started taking me to the garage now and then on days when grandpa would be in. Grandpa had retired, but he would come in now and then and repair things around the shop. He might weld a broken safety stand or fix a jack or make a part for something in the machine shop.
Whenever he and I were there, I would help him, which largely meant standing near him and handing him things, moving or cleaning something, or being sent off to fetch something he needed.
Grandpa was a different person at work. The glint in his eye was gone and so were the hard candies. He was grumpy, demanding, and a bit scary. My brother Jim, who was the third-generation owner of Bernard's Garage, said our dad would ask grandpa to come in, after he retired, to fix things. Grandpa didn't want to be there/
One day I was working with grandpa, and he said, “Go get a 9/16th open-end wrench.”
As I turned to hustle to the wall of tools, I can remember the sense of panic knowing there was a whole wall of tools and I had to figure out which was the one he needed. Grandpa was
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Brother Jim in front of the garage as I knew it. Bernard's Garage, after 90 years of operation, was sold a few years back and torn down.
an always use-the-right-tool-for-job kind of guy. The crescent wrench, in his eyes, was not a real tool.
What made me nervous was that I had no idea what a 9/16th open-end wrench was – and the last thing I wanted to do was disappoint grandpa. Grandpa, growing up on a farm, could not fathom how a 12-year-old boy wouldn’t know what a 9/16th open-end wrench is.
My eyes searched the tool board until I spotted a tool that had 9/16th engraved in it and sure enough, one end of the tool was open – but I was unsure I had the right tool, so for back up I grabbed a couple of other tools including a crescent wrench and put them in my back pocket - just in case I picked the wrong tool.
So, I handed him what I thought was the wrench and to my great relief, it must have been correct because he didn’t say anything. He just started using it. When we were done, I returned the pocket full of tools back to the board.
This experience taught me two lessons that have stuck with me my entire life, first I learned what a 9/16th open-end is, and a second (a much more profound lesson) I have applied throughout my career in years as a manager, executive, coach, teacher, advisor, and consultant:
Rule #1: Don’t assume people know how to do things that you see as simple and very basic.
Rule #2: Create a space that is safe enough that people will be comfortable asking any question without ever feeling embarrassed.
Assuming people know what you know is a bad assumption. Embarrassing people simply shuts them down and causes them to operate from a place of fear.
To create a results-driven culture, one where everyone feels respected and safe to bring their ideas forward, demands that we eliminate fear in all its forms.
I’ll close with this question and begin next week’s column with the answer: If you want to improve results, what do you do?
Feel free to comment with your thoughts and experiences.
John
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Founder and Rhetorician at Pierce Communication
3 年John! Thanks for making sure many of us saw this! Well-timed and presented stories CAN change life.? (Especially if Grandparents are involved.) Speaking of stories: See the narrative segment of Rhetoric, Set, GO! https://bit.ly/RSGo2022a Stories are as stories do (apologies to Forrest). #Story #PublicPersuasion #PublicMessages? #Persuasion #StoryPower #LanguagePower #Communication #CommunicationPower
Retirement Plan Administrator at Retirement Solutions Specialists
3 年And my Grandpa bought gas from yours, and my Dad from your Dad.
Senior-Level Business Leader / Change Driver / Chief Counsel
3 年Faith and Fear are often different sides of the same coin. But there is huge difference in operating in good-faith and under a cloud of fear. If we want to see success, it is absolutely necessary that we have safe places for transparency, achieving security and room to fail. What I have also taken out of John's story is that it's okay to know a certain tool will work for a job, but if you've got others keep them handy just in case you need an additional tool. Thanks for sharing John! ??
Exceptional Leadership Trainer and Executive Coach. Transforming ordinary managers-of-managers into extraordinary leaders.
3 年Love the story.