Why Good Things Happen To Good People

Stephen Post and Jill Neimark, in their book Why Good Things Happen to Good People, supported with science and research the reason behind the benefits that people derive from being good and giving, more than receiving. There are plenty of stories in the book about people drawing strength and love from giving and being good to others, even when they were going through very difficult circumstances.

I’ve been meaning to write about this topic for a while, particularly for two reasons. The first is to inspire others to give and love more, and in doing so reinforce those values in my own life.  Doing good to others brings more net good for all. For instance, it is very well known that people who are able to make others happy feel part of that happiness themselves. Delivering happiness is never an action that benefits only one, but all of those involved in the process. Happiness is not an individualistic quest, otherwise it will result in something other than happiness. There is an old saying (I don’t even know who said it) that goes “Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow”.

The second reason why I wanted to write about this topic is to point out that sometimes it takes a long time for someone to see the positive returns of being good to others. For instance, some research has shown that elderly who have a purpose in their lives are less prone to suffer from mental illnesses, and can even delay death. Very often that purpose has to do with helping others, even though those elders don’t reap the benefits right away, but in the long term.  Research has shown that giving is associated with reduced risk of illnesses and mortality.

Post and Neimark mentioned in the book that “giving is the most potent force on the planet. Giving is the one kind of love you can count on, because you can always choose it: it’s always within your power to give. Giving will protect you your whole life long”. I think most of us have experienced this premise in some ways in our lives. We are the only ones in control of our capacity to give. And what it is truly remarkable about giving is that it doesn’t need to be in “big quantities”, but small incremental giving. 

To be a recipient of the benefits of giving it is necessary to believe in it as a philosophy of life. It is true that giving results in benefits for the giver and the receiver. Yet, giving shouldn’t become a means for us to seek our own self-interest. Rather, we have to believe that we are good to others when we are  giving and that it is very likely that some wonders will splash to us as well.

How can we all make this “giving” come true. Here are some ideas:

1. Give unconditionally: don’t put conditions on your willingness to help, love or give to others. Make sure that the force that moves you to give others is love for the act of giving without expecting anything in return. It is really unfortunate to give to others with one hand, while showing the other hand to grab something in return. I try to remind myself of this premise on a constant basis. Giving is what we do for others, not what we do for us in the name of giving them something. Even though there are health and happiness benefits to ourselves, it shouldn’t be done with that end in mind.
2. Inspired others to give: I believe in teaching by example. Being a role model for your family, friends, colleagues and anybody else around you means that you have the unique possibility to inspire them with your actions. Giving unconditionally is one way to achieve so. Make sure that your behaviors and the way you give not only ends in the act of giving itself, but also includes the act of inspiring others to give. For instance, in your job, when you offer you help to someone else, you are not only giving, but inspiring. And you can communicate that in subtle ways, so that the receiver of your help no only “receives”, but also assumes his or her own responsibility of giving to others.
3. Give small, love big: mother Theresa said that “we can do no great things, only small things with great love”. One time I saw a homeless person giving a bite of his food to another homeless person. It was small, maybe insignificant to the eyes of our minds full of preconceptions. But for that one person receiving that bite it meant a lot. We don’t need to give too much, but give what we can. For someone with nothing, or in need of a little bit of love, affection or a material need, even a little bit of something could mean a lot. This is very important, because sometimes we restrain ourselves from giving because we think that what we can give is so small and insignificant that it won’t make a difference. Well, it will! And even if, at the end, it doesn’t mean anything for the person receiving it, you would have increased the net good and happiness in the world and around you. And that is quite something!

Giving is an act of love, to others, and to ourselves. This I remind myself as often as possible. Sometimes we (me included!) forget about it, because we are so busy in our own world that we neglect to see what happens around us. It is important for us, as a global community, to lift our eyes from our quotidian tasks and look around us, and realize that there is a lot of need, and a lot we can do to fill the voids. It is not only money or material things. But maybe just one phone call to talk and listen to a friend, or a pat in the back of a colleague who has been working intensely on a project. Believe me, those small things make a big difference. That is the real meaning of giving small, and loving big.

Follow me on Twitter: @erubio_p
Visit my blog: www.innovationdev.org

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About the Author: Enrique Rubio is an Electronic Engineer and a Fulbright scholar with an Executive Master’s Degree in Public Administration from Syracuse University. Enrique is passionate about leadership, business and social entrepreneurship, curiosity, creativity and innovation. He is a blogger and podcaster, and also a competitive ultrarunner. Visit the blog: Innovation for Development and Podcast. Click here to follow Enrique on Twitter. 

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