Why getting ahead requires us to look within ourselves
Loving your life and your career begins with loving yourself.?
This often gets overlooked.?
When I look back on the first ~25 years of my life it’s pretty clear to me now that I hated myself.?
That sounds dramatic, but it’s true.?
I can now see that self hate was driving most of my decisions for the first quarter of my life.?
I was raised to believe that there was something inherently wrong/ bad/ sinful about me for being gay.?
I believed that there was something dirty within myself that I needed to work against or overcome.?
So I worked tirelessly to change myself and be different.?
Even after I accepted my sexuality, the feelings of shame continued to run my life for the next 10 years.?
They still pop up today, in fact.?
When I was 8 years old an adult told me that I had scrawny arms.?
I was also bullied A LOT by the other boys in school.?
It was common for me to come home crying because the boys had been so mean to me.?
Fast forward into adulthood, and I still have issues with men.?
I’m afraid of them.?
I compare myself to them and usually think, “I’m not as ‘manly’ as he is.”?
This especially shows up at the gym where I constantly compare myself to the other guys.?
I often don’t feel like I belong in the gym – like I’m not welcomed there.?
There are a lot of times I’m even needlessly fearful of my safety.?
I’ll think… “Oh my god what if that guy says something rude to me or calls me a f****?”?
When I’m at the gym, I spend 50% of my mental energy reminding myself that I am ok exactly as I am.?
This is just one every-day example of how shame still shows up in my life.?
Objectively I know that there is nothing wrong with me and that I’m ok.?
But deep down there is still a scared little boy inside me who’s comparing himself to others and wondering whether he’s safe, loved, and ok.?
Shame shows up in other ways too:?
When I look at my bank account, if I don’t see it growing I start to feel unsafe like I am in danger.?
When I’m in a social setting and I perceive that someone doesn’t like me or is evaluating me, I become hyper fixated on what I need to do or say to win them over.?
When I can’t figure out how to do something new, I become exceptionally hard on myself. I catastrophize my future.?
This is how shame functions.?
Shame is a sneaky emotion because it doesn’t always feel the way we expect it to feel.?
Shame often shows up as a mix of multiple emotions: anger, sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, lack of motivation, not fitting in, etc.?
Your thoughts will get jumbled and/or you’ll find it hard to make sense of what’s going on.?
You might compare yourself to other people.?
You might assess or critique yourself harshly.?
You might fixate on the future or the past – trying to figure out what you need to change.?
Shame can show up in any or all areas of your life: health, finances, family, romance, career.?
In terms of career it often looks/sounds like this:?
?? Wanting to make a move but being paralyzed from doing so?
?? Constantly comparing yourself to other people?
?? Feeling like you’re not successful or accomplished enough?
?? Thinking you’re behind or that it’s “too late” to make a move?
?? Not knowing what you want / drawing a blank
?? Having terrible boundaries with your boss / employer
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?? Overworking or giving way too much of yourself to your job?
?? Basing your value / worth on your compensation or job performance?
I wish there was a “quick fix” for some of these thoughts / feelings.?
But the reality is that the only way forward is through.?
We all have to look inward and address these things head on.?
Where do they come from?
How accurately do they reflect the reality of our circumstance?
What happens when we listen to them or let them guide our path?
How do we calm the inner dialogue and develop a more grounded relationship to self?
These are some of the questions we tackle in Clarity in the Fast Lane – my group coaching program for driven professionals looking for better jobs, more money, and more fulfillment.
Looking inward is not as scary as you might think.?
It also doesn’t have to take as long as you imagine!?
It can be fun!?
It can also be quick (sometimes).?
Getting success is one thing.?
Learning to enjoy it is another.?
We do both in Clarity in the Fast Lane.?
It’s an exploration of your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs as much as it is a tactical “how to” program for getting ahead in your professional / personal life.?
That’s what makes it special.?
And truthfully that’s why people love it so much.?
They not only get the external results they’re looking for (more money, a flexible schedule, a business of their own, a new job).?
They get a set of tools that they have for the rest of their lives.?
They learn how to feel good.
And that’s worth its weight in gold.?
The program is priced affordably so that more people can have access to this work.?
When I created Clarity in the Fast Lane, I wanted to price it less than therapy and less than a car payment.?
So it’s $400/month for 6 months.?
It’s an investment in yourself.?
And for that investment, we work toward tangible (and intangible) returns.?
If you’re curious about how it works or whether it’s a good fit, reply directly to this message.
Let’s have an exploratory chat.?
I still like to meet one to one with anyone who’s considering Clarity in the Fast Lane.?
That way we can get to know each other and also see if it’s a good fit.?
Reach out any time :)
Thanks For Reading!
I am on a mission to help driven people find clarity in the fast lane – making great money doing work they love, on their own terms.?
Not sure what you want? Or feel stuck? Get clear on your life and career in five days – a free training delivered straight to your inbox.?
If you’d like to support my work, the best ways are to:
Chris