Why Friendship is an important part of Good Leadership

All great leaders and?visionaries have had good friends, and I believe that we need these?friends, and they need us to make everyone’s dreams happen.?I believe the ability to make good friends and remaining in true friendship?is essential for successful and compassionate management.??

While friendship is about nurturing relationships that sustain us?and build us up, friendships only work if we are aiming to put in more?love and support that we take out of them. I am sure we have all had?so-called friendships that weren’t like that at all but sucked us of energy;?clearly that is not what we are talking about here.?Consider this lovely definition of friendship from?British author and theologian?C. S. Lewis:??

?‘Friendship... is born at the moment when one man says to another?“What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…”’?

This?quote?beautifully indicates the initial common bond that may?mark the beginnings of a true friendship. Lewis talks about friendship?being about side-to-side love rather than erotic love, which is face to?face. There is certainly a sense that friendships form due to a common?interest or by?achieving a common purpose; when we are side to side,?we are facing outward rather than inward. In that way, whereas a lover’s?love would be challenged by someone else joining the relationship,?friendship welcomes others to join in and is not jealous of others.?Seeing friendship in this way is key to a healthy management strategy.?

It does seem that true friendship is on the wane in the 21st century. The?word ‘friend’ has been degraded by social media; someone connecting to?you on social media is described as a friend but is probably not even a real?acquaintance in many cases. Nor is it possible to have the huge number?of friends that some people have as connections on social media.

In the?early 1990s, the anthropologist Dr Robin Dunbar concluded that humans?could only maintain social relationships with an average of 148 people,?which would include friends, family and less close acquaintances. His later?research broke down this figure into different layers where the emotional?closeness was considered. The layer closest to us has 3 to 5 people, the?next layer has 15, the third layer has 50, and so on. Interestingly, I was?asked recently to write down 50 people who had nourished me during?my life, which I managed to do relatively quickly, but I know I would have?struggled to write down very many more.??

Friendship is also often degraded by life and busyness. Often, the closest?friendships we have are forged at formative times in our lives and these?nurturing friendships can last a lifetime. Many of us, however, find that time?for these friendships can become squeezed once we start having children,?or perhaps geographical distance may also be a factor. Our philosophical or?political points of view may diverge as we become older and we can realise?one day that despite being in a good marriage or partnership, we sense?an element of loneliness due to the lack of friendship.

In my case, without?necessarily realising it at the time, I ‘lost’ two of my closest friends around?the time that my first marriage broke down. Understandably perhaps, they?didn’t want to stay close to me as they didn’t want to upset my ex-wife.?Later, I did try to reconnect with them both on more than one occasion, but?neither seemed to be interested, which was painful at the time. However,?rather than grieving for lost close relationships from the past, let’s keep our?eyes open for those friendships aligned with where we are now.??

One thing I am sure of, though, is that we all need a deep and honest?connection with someone on a similar journey to ourselves. Aristotle?called this ‘perfect friendship’ or ‘friendships of virtue’; and he believed?that unlike accidental friendships formed through work and pleasure,?which tended to be short-lasting and shallow, friendships of virtue?require time and trust to build, and they depend on mutual growth. It is the life-giving sense of nourishment coming through these friendships?that make them so essential and it is that depth of friendship that many?of us crave more of as we become older.??

If you?are feeling a loss of good friendship and a desire to build more friendships of virtue into your own life all that remains is for you to become a good friend to others. How do?we do this? First, it is about being as equal and open with the friend?about yourself as they are with you. Not being afraid to hold your friend?accountable or to challenge them when you have a different point of view?is also important. At the same time, in a good friendship you absolutely?accept your friend as they are and do not try to change them. You do not?compete with them and you want the best for them, even if that means?they beat you to a business prize or something similar that you both want. Finally,?you will always show up for a friend, whether in the middle of the night or?if they need your help when they are a long way from home.?

To foster an environment full of friendships in your organisation,?simply?recall these words from?Indian monk and guru?Paramahansa?Yogananda:??

?‘There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of others first; when you learn to live for others, they will live for you.’??

This?is the magnet of?unselfishness, thinking of others first and learning to live for others.?That way, friends will be attracted to you and you will be a better and more fulfilled businessperson as a result.

#friendship #leadership #fulfilment #happiness