WHY FORGIVING YOUR SPOUSE IS A MUST

If you are a follower of Jesus, forgiveness is NOT optional. Here are two verses that emphasize this truth.

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted,?forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.?(Ephesians 4:32)

…bearing with one another, and?forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.?(Colossians 3:13)

Yet, we repeatedly hear one spouse say about the other:

• “I can never?forgive her?for the way she hurt me by walking out on me!”Are they sitting with arms folded in a closed posture?
• “What he did to me that night was?unforgivable!”
• “I can forgive him for everything else, but not for cheating on me.”
• “How could I ever forgive her for the way she abused our kids?”

On the one hand, we all know that we MUST FORGIVE one another for even the most hurtful thing they may have done to us. After all, our model is our Lord Jesus, who, as he lay dying on the cross in excruciating agony, chose to pray:

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”?(Luke 23:34)

Just in case we are tempted to believe that only Jesus could offer forgiveness to those who inflicted such suffering upon him, we see the example of Stephen. In Acts 7:60, as he was being stoned to death by a mob, he prayed: “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.”

Yet, we must also acknowledge that forgiveness is not easy to do, even in a Christian marriage, by two people who acknowledge Jesus as Lord.

Yes, you are born again, yes, you are filled with the Holy Spirit. Yet, you may find it easier to forgive a mass murderer you do not know than your own husband or wife whom you know inside out.?

We have discovered that this is partly due to a misunderstanding of what forgiveness is, and what it is not. We go into detail on this in our book The Unbreakable Marriage. Here is a summary:

Forgiveness is NOT:

• Reconciliation. Forgiving someone does not mean that we are automatically reconciled with them or that our relationship is back to “normal.”
• Forgetting what happened. To forgive does not mean that we forget the hurt or behave as though it never happened.
• Erasing responsibility. When we forgive, we are not absolving the offender of their responsibility in causing the hurt. They are not off the hook for what they did.
• Tolerating ongoing hurt. If someone keeps on hurting us, we should remove ourselves from harm’s way even after we forgive them.
• Restoring trust. Forgiveness does not automatically result in trust being restored. Forgiveness is given freely, but trust must be earned—one step at a time, over time.

Forgiveness is:

• A Decision. Forgiveness is not an emotion or a feeling. We offer it as a deliberate act of the will. We do not wait till we feel like forgiving.
• A Process. Even though the decision to forgive may be made in an instant, it often marks the beginning of a journey where we process the effects of that hurt upon us and receive the healing we need in our soul and even in our body.
• An Unconditional Act. We forgive with no strings attached, so that our forgiveness reflects the forgiveness we have received from God.
• A Command. Forgiveness is something Christians must do when someone sins against them.
• A Response From The Heart, according to Jesus, in Matthew 18:35.

The sooner we choose to forgive each other in our marriage, the more we reflect the love of Jesus. As Paul reminds us in I Corinthians 13:5–”Love does not keep a record of wrongs.”

Are you having difficulty forgiving your spouse?? Do you hold grudges against him/her? Have you been nursing grudges that have grown into monsters? Have you allowed bitter roots to develop? Has your heart grown cold and calloused toward your spouse?

If you answered Yes to any of these questions…don’t get down on yourself. With God’s power and our help, you can get to the place where you can answer No to everyone of them.

We will help you discover the roots of unforgiveness. We will teach you how to forgive from your heart. And then you will see Jesus in each other. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Don’t wait a moment to begin this journey.?

BOOK your free consultation now:?https://calendly.com/jeevasam/marriagementorship