Why feedback is the key to delegation, and shouldn't hurt!

People consistently under-estimate the desire that others have for feedback. Even when it's about such things as whether someone has a typo in their upcoming client presentation or they're about to go into a job interview with a stain on their shirt. In these simple circumstances, where you might think that giving feedback would be particularly helpful and valued, people tend not to give it.

Why do we avoid giving feedback? Researchers Nicole Abi-Esber , @Jennifer Abel, Francesca Gino and Juliana Schroeder found that fewer than 3% of people gave feedback in the above circumstances.

We avoid giving feedback because we fear a negative response, such as embarrassing or upsetting the other person.

However, without the feedback, the chances of being embarrassed or upset are greater. They also suggest in their recent article that most people just don't realise how valuable their feedback can be.

In a series of five experiments with just under 2,000 people, they consistently found that people under-estimate others' desire for feedback.

The more consequential the feedback, the more likely the underestimation that people want it.

The good news is that by taking the perspective of others through a simple reflection: 'If you were this person, would you want feedback?' helps.

Another reason that feedback is much maligned and often avoided is that if we hear that someone is going to ‘give feedback’, the assumption is that it will be negative. That’s unhelpful, because people want feedback – yes, they do! Top performers say they want feedback to grow, but only about half of them get what they need, according to Therese Huston. Gen Z want regular feedback that focuses on growing their skills. So, it isn’t that people don’t want feedback, it’s that they don’t want bad feedback; unsurprisingly, most people will avoid feeling crushed if they can!

It isn’t that people aren’t prepared to accept tough feedback, either; it’s how it’s given that matters. There’s a huge penalty for sloppy feedback: 80 per cent of people who receive feedback that is demotivating start to look for other jobs.

Give feedback to boost growth and increase the opportunity to delegate

When you delegate more work to more team members, you will achieve more by doing less, and this increases your freedom and flexibility. Giving good quality, regular feedback will help to boost the talents of your team quickly, which means that they are able to take on more complex work, and do it effectively.

To delegate well, you need to invest time in building connection, trust, motivation, growth and autonomy. You do that by setting up psychological safety, coaching, recognising progress and offering feedback. The more time you invest in these activities, the bigger your payback. In FlexAbility, I outline my model (below), which shows where feedback works best, and how it promotes the ability to delegate more: within a safe, trusting relationship where progress is celebrated frequently, offering feedback to help your team members make further progress becomes so much easier. It's part of the leadership investment, and it's all about maximising growth, and done in service to your team. If you're interested in increasing your leadership impact, this is a pretty solid way to go about it.

Offer feedback to accelerate growth

In a context in which people feel safe and connected, trust you and are intrinsically motivated, you can accelerate their growth by offering feedback. The more supportive your relationship is with your team members, the easier it will be for them to listen to and welcome your feedback. If they know you value them, they’ll care about what you think of them and welcome your opinion on how they can grow and improve.

Here’s food for thought: even if you don’t realise it, you’re always giving feedback. Feedback is occurring constantly, in micro-moments, often non-verbally, frequently unintentionally.

Feedback occurs in a split second and is automatic. Whether you make eye contact with someone, whether you show that you’re listening to what they say, whether you ask them a follow-up question, the amount of time you spend with them – these are all pieces of feedback. Employees are constantly evaluating whether they matter, whether you recognise their skills, and whether they’ve said or done the right thing.

What you convey in these subtle ways may or may not be consistent with the feedback that you want to give. There is terrific value in becoming more congruent and intentional when you give feedback. When you give regular feedback that comes from a genuine desire to be of service, and the feedback is aligned with the person’s ideal self, it becomes generative. When you prepare for and practise giving feedback, it becomes more intuitive, then drops in to become part of your routine interactions with your team. It feels easier and is more rewarding for both them and you.

Feedback is scary when it evokes social threat

Feedback may well evoke a sense of threat, and when that happens, we shut down, we don’t listen, we can’t process information and won’t act on it.

You can reduce the threat response by preparing your feedback so that it meets people’s needs. People want the feedback they’re given to:

• acknowledge their hard work
• be accurate and specific
• include a chance to discuss the feedback and to say what they think of it
• be two-way – they want to be listened to by the feedback giver
• identify what needs to happen next and what’s expected in the future
• come after advance warning, so that they know they’re going to receive it
• be given by someone they trust.

If you want people to take on board your feedback, they need to hear you – and their threat response needs to be minimised so that they can.

One of the key points in the list above is that people want feedback to be a two-way process. The best way to activate someone’s interest in listening to what you have to say is to show your willingness to listen to them. That’s why feedback is the fourth step in the delegation framework. ‘I know you care about me and my growth, and so I value your feedback, even if it’s tough to hear.’

Creating a climate in which people ask for feedback will also give them a greater sense of control over it. You can start by role-modelling this: ask for feedback from your team and show them how to provide it. It’s best to ask for feedback immediately after an action or event, as this increases the opportunity to be specific and accurate. It also provides the opportunity to act on the feedback quickly.

For example, you could say, ‘I’d like some feedback on the meeting we just had’. Identify what you want to know about: perhaps, ‘I’d like your views on how clearly I communicate with the team, and whether people know what they need to do after our meetings. What do I need to improve so that the team is clear about the next steps?’

Ask broadly: get feedback from a range of stakeholders to mitigate unconscious bias in any one feedback giver.

The way that you receive your feedback is another important aspect of role-modelling. If someone says they’d like to give you feedback, but now isn’t a good time, say so, and schedule a time later in the day or the next. (Not next week or next month!) Then listen. Don’t interrupt, become defensive or try to explain your behaviour. Allow yourself to pause, reflect and ask for clarification if you need it. Ask for suggestions about what to do differently. And say thank you.

Suggest a timeframe in which you’ll get back to the person for follow-up; this should be after you’ve had time to make changes. That way, you’re signalling that you have taken the feedback seriously and have every intention of acting on it.

Use the same approach with team members if they ask you for feedback: let them know you are happy to do so. Ask what feedback would be most helpful to them right now, listen to their response and then provide feedback consistent with their request. You want to create a climate in which people readily admit they need help or don’t know what to do; attuning your feedback to their identified needs will help to do that.

How to give better feedback

To give feedback, start with an affirmation to signal your positive intent. ‘I really want good things for you.’ This is a great suggestion from Therese Huston. Lead with praise: recognise their recent good work and how much value it provides. Examples include when they’ve gone above and beyond, been proactive and taken initiative, taken responsibility for a problem or neglected need, offered good ideas, showed loyalty and commitment or promoted teamwork. Focus on something, anything you can, that has improved. Even if the person’s performance isn’t that great, don’t skimp on the praise – just make sure it’s genuine.

Have a growth mindset – let the person know that you believe they can change and improve. Also, hook them into past successes, reminding them of when they successfully undertook the behaviour or changed other behaviour in the past. 'You did that then, you can do this now.' ‘How could you do this more often?’

Asking questions is a great way to deepen your feedback. ‘What other ways might you do x?’; ‘I’ve noticed a few occasions, a and b for example, when z happened – what are your observations about why that happened?’

When you’ve discussed the feedback and future options, have the person state their takeaways to ensure a shared understanding.

Setting up a pattern of mutual feedback-giving helps everyone to lift their game.

Here are a few tips on what to avoid when you are giving feedback. Don’t:

• back out or make excuses for the person (you probably didn't mean it like that...)
• pull in your own experiences (I remember when the same thing happened to me...)
• say that you used to have the same problem (I used to..._
• cushion your feedback (‘You’re not going to like hearing this’)
• label the feedback (‘I have some negative feedback to give you’)
• be insensitive (‘You were a real windbag’)
• give advice (‘Let me tell you what you need to do’)
• make it about the person (‘You were disruptive today’) – instead, make it about their behaviour
• delay the feedback (‘Last month…’).

Feedback accelerates growth. The greater the safety, trust and motivation you create, the more discomfort will be tolerated, and greater growth will be the result. Be motivated to accelerate the growth, skills and capabilities of your team. The more capable they are, and the more confident they are that you trust them, the more you can delegate to them.

Delegation is perhaps the most powerful weapon for increasing your flexAbility. Workloads won’t get lighter, the demands you face aren’t going to ease – and as a high achiever, you’re going to maintain your standards. The way to avoid continuing overwork and burnout and to have greater freedom is to delegate routinely and rigorously.

The research article by Abi-Esber and colleagues was a good reminder of the importance of feedback. My chapter 8 of FlexAbility is a (somewhat ?? more nuanced and detailed ) version of their great advice to take the other person's perspective.