Why the f??ck would anybody want to know “the true authentic” me?

When Covid19 hit, I knew I needed a focus. Something to give me some purpose. Something to fill the days. I couldn’t do deals. Couldn’t make placements.  Couldn’t make money! Covid19 (complete dick, that he is) had put paid to that.  

I decided to dedicate my time to keeping my middle-aged man-breasts at bay by doing a daily Rocky inspired press-up regime in the back garden, but more importantly, to raising my online profile, on LinkedIn. (Or at least try to!)

I was already kind of active on LinkedIn. I definitely grasped the power of online activity, and branding. But my content was generally in-car, half-arsed, amateur-hour shite, with blurry, waffling videos often done balancing my iPhone on the steering wheel.

I got some okay feedback from the industry, but I always felt it was a bit like watching homemade porn... You know... Out of focus, badly scripted, badly delivered, and very awkward. (Or so I hear!)

So, with the new found wealth of time that Covid had gifted us, I set my sights on becoming 10% better than shite. (Yes, my lofty ambitions allowed me to dream that big).

The two main things I did to prepare me for this elevated level of LinkedIn execution were:

1. Procure some fancy video software that I couldn’t afford. (Videos from the Mazda dashboard were now a thing of the past for this budding Scorsese).

2. Invest in some branding/marketing training. (Accepting that I knew f??ck all about branding and marketing was surprisingly easy!)

The fancy software allowed me to put my company brand on my videos. Gamechanger! Man, I was inspired. It even allowed me to put words on my videos. The best part of that, was that I CHOSE THE WORDS! I could call myself anything I wanted. "MD"! "CEO"! This shit was finally going to put me on the map. Getting this software was a definite Covid-silver lining.

Now that was in place, I just needed to work out what to say actually in the videos, and this, I would learn in my online inbound marketing course. I needed that secret sauce!

Very early on in the LinkedIn training, the word "authenticity" kept popping up, with cohort members encouraged to "show our authentic selves". This, apparently, is what "the people" want. They want to know the "real" person behind the words. The "real" person talking in the video. We were told with absolute certainty "People will only buy into you, if they feel they know the REAL you".

This worried me.

In my mildly infamous car videos, I was never really authentic. I was just blurting out any old tripe that came into my head that I thought might sound semi-intelligent, or demonstrated some kind of market knowledge. But I don't think I ever showed my authentic self? Well, I know I didn't.

But, I got it. It made some sense. I could see how it work help... especially if you had a nice, likeable demeanor. 

But news flash... That ain't me.

I get that being authentic would help you if you had a nice smile. Or a bubbly persona. Or an infectious laugh. Or an enthusiastic aura. If you were a "glass half full" kinda guy/gal. Even if you were nice to listen to, you know, with strong command of the Queen's English. 

BUT (again) THAT AIN'T ME!

Sadly, NONE of those traits applied to me. And in my mid-forties, I was very much at peace with that. I know that I'm just not smiley. I know I can be a little bit cynical. I know I'm an average performer at dinner parties. I know that (to me) small talk is a f??cking chore. (For example, part of the reason I hate Monday mornings is because I have to talk to people about my weekend... To people who probably have no f??cking interest in my weekend!)

Like the photo at the top of this page, you will rarely see my teeth in a photo.

But I've been like this for years. I am the man who once got "mystery shopped" by the Area Manager of a pub chain I was working for in Manchester (about 25 years ago). I got the "Staff Copy" of the service report afterwards. It read "Never before have I been served a pint of lager by somebody who made me want to drown my sorrows!"

So, that's me. That's who I am. And I'm cool with it. 

But now, I'm being asked to SHOW my authentic self to my network. WTF!

How can this possibly help my profile??? I just can't see how this can end well. I can't see how this can't backfire.

This was the first time I thought "Why the f??ck would anybody want to know "the true authentic" me?"

But despite my many listed flaws (see above, there are many), I am also open minded. I decided to give this some further thought. Might even test it.

I was running round a park one morning after having had a particularly shit day with Covid, in which I gorged on way too many salted almonds for one man to digest safely. Immediately post-run, all sweaty and alarmingly close to the camera, I blurted out a few heart-felt thoughts. Despite the soggy bogey hanging out of my left nostril (no, it wasn’t strategically placed there to elevate my authenticity), the post went down very well.

Could they really be onto something here, with this whole "authenticity" vibe?

But then the questions kept begging... How far do you go? How much do you show? How much is too much? How far is TOO authentic? How much do you hold back?

I mean, do the people really want to see me berating my kids at 7am for putting the bowls in the dishwasher t wrong way up, despite having been trained on this at least 25 times, whilst I yell "I promise you, Children Of Mine, this is a valuable life lesson!" Is that authentic?

Do the people really want to see me do videos in my North Face fleece that I sleep in (and wear most days till about 3pm), that I don't think has been washed for 8-16 weeks, and has granola medals all over it? Is that authentic?

Do the people really want to see me (literally) dragging my annoying sausage dogs round the park, while I try and have intelligent business conversations on the phone, getting increasingly stressed and annoyed? Is that authentic?

Do the people really want to see me staring off into the distance, for what feels like hours, worried about Covid19 and the impact it's having on my family? Is that authentic?

Do the people want to hear about how I sent my CV to Coles when Covid hit, and got totally ghosted? Aah. Hang on. Yes, apparently they do...

So... Again, I get it. But this is the second time I thought "Why the f??ck would anybody want to know "the true authentic" ME?"

I remain unconvinced. Firmly wedged on the authenticity fence.

I'm not sure how far I'll ever go with the old "showing the real me" thing. Given who I am, I'm always going to need to hold something back. Keep it balanced. Have a bit of veneer. I think that's for the best.

Now, none of this is to say that I'm bad at my job. Or a bad person. I don't think I am. I still try to do my bit for the human race. You just won't see my flashing teeth while I'm doing it, or I might not ask you how your weekend was. Doesn't mean I don't care. Because I do.

I'm just a bit grumpy. And that's OK. That's who I am. I can only hope that's okay with the universe....

Oh, hang on... Is this me showing my true authentic self? ??