Why Father's Day Matters

Let me say immediately that I inherently do not find celebrating Father's Day particularly important. Mother's Day? That's a different story. They indeed deserve the day. In fact more than one. Like, all of them actually.

However, I believe being a father is the most important job I have and will ever have. As a result, and as with many parents, I often reflect on how well I did or am still doing. But I also reflect a lot on how I did in balance with my career, a career both successful but also quite stressful a great deal of the time.

One conclusion I've come to is that while we're perhaps biologically built to have kids earlier, I don't know if that matches up perfectly from psychological perspective. Said another way, the confidence and perspective you gain as you age is a gift. Sure, you may have some crows feet on your face, but I'd take that any day of the week in return for the confidence and wisdom gained along the way.

So what would I share with other fathers?

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

There's a reason this tried and true expression exists. Learn to understand what's truly urgent and important. The truth is there will never be a shortage of things to do at work. Separate what has to happen now, and equally prioritize yourself and your family at the same time.

For context, I once skipped a family roadtrip at the last minute because I was very stressed about leaving for a few days close to quarter's end. Sure, some of that was being layered onto me by another. However, upon reflection it was mostly due to me internally at the time. Today's Dylan would never make that same decision again. I would never miss those few days of Spring Break with my wife and kids again. You simply don't get the time back.

Develop Your Team

As a leader it should be your job to develop a team of leaders. In fact, I would argue you shouldn't be in leadership at all if you're not altruistically doing so already. They deserve a leader who invests in them and their own success, present and future. And not dissimilar from parenting, seeing their continued success after you've helped guide them will be perhaps the most fulfilling thing you look back on in your career.

An ancillary byproduct of this is that you also have a team you can collaborate with and delegate to. Having a team of leaders not only eases your workload, but also empowers them and creates a more supportive work environment overall for everyone. Boom.

Be Present

I can authentically say I was at just about every recital, every soccer game, most dinners (and cooked most of them), etc. Does that mean I was always "present"? It does not. Sure, I was physically there. So often, however, I was not present mentally and if there is any regret I have this is it. With my mind elsewhere, and allowing in the stress as I did, it impacted everything from my patience to my participation.

If there's anything I would tell another parent, it's listen to you kids. Listen to their stories, listen about their day, ask open ended questions to drive long conversations. Stop thinking about work and start thinking about what's right in front of you, the most important job you have. Your kids.

Support Network

Surround yourself with great, supportive people. Marry up (here's looking at you Ally Frusciano ), have mentors who have been there/done that, meet with therapists and business coaches, etc. The support network you have to discuss things, the stronger person you become and faster.

Conclusion

While we all can look back on things we would do differently, make no mistake that I am immensely proud of my daughters Ella Frusciano and Grace Frusciano and the people they've become. They are high functioning, successful, smart, generous, loving, funny-as-hell humans that are also pretty mediocre at golf (they come by that naturally). I am proud of the example my wife and I have set for them, whether with our marriage, our mutual respect for one another, our support of one another in terms of our careers, and our mutually shared philosophies on how to raise badass, confident, happy, good humans. But I do think it's important to share from one father to any others out there how important the job really is.

PS - I would like to thank Jennifer Beechen for her own recent post from a mother's perspective. While I haven't seen Jennifer for a long time, and while I have been mulling these thoughts for a while, her post served as inspiration to write my own. You can find hers below.

https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/message-bottle-all-working-moms-jennifer-beechen-4n8xc/