Why Failure is a Gift (Even if it Doesn't Feel Like One)

Failure can sting, and it’s okay to acknowledge the emotions that come with it.

But it’s not just the surface feelings of disappointment or frustration that hold us back—it’s the deeper, subconscious beliefs that failures can trigger.

Many of us carry a core belief, formed in early childhood, that whispers “I’m not good enough.” This belief often stems from our primal need as children to feel accepted, loved, and safe. When we were young, mistakes may have led to disapproval or correction from adults, and our developing minds interpreted this as a threat to our worthiness.

As adults, failure can unconsciously reactivate this belief, making us feel as though a mistake means we’re fundamentally flawed. Psychologists explain that this is part of our brain’s survival mechanism—shame and self-criticism are attempts to avoid rejection or exclusion, which our primal instincts equate with danger.

But here’s the truth: failing doesn’t mean we aren’t good enough. It means we’re human, learning, and evolving.

Tip: When failure triggers self-doubt, pause and reframe the narrative. Ask yourself, “What would I tell a friend in this situation?” Treat yourself with the same kindness and encouragement.

The Danger of Never Failing

If we never fail, we’re not growing. Avoiding failure may feel like self-preservation, but in reality, it’s stagnation. Without growth, our skills, mindset, and even motivation can become stale—and over time, stagnation leads to decline.

Growth requires both sides of the coin: failure and success. They’re two sides of the same process, each critical for reaching the outcomes we want.

One teaches us resilience, adaptability, and new strategies, while the other fuels our confidence and reinforces our capabilities.

Think of it this way: if you only do what you’re already good at, you’ll never discover your full potential. By avoiding failure, you’re also avoiding the chance to improve, innovate, and excel.

Tip: Shift your perspective. Instead of seeing failure as the opposite of success, view it as a necessary stop along the way. Every failure contains a lesson that propels you closer to success.

The Arena of Growth: Clarity, Courage, Capability, and Confidence

To grow through failure, we need a framework to keep moving forward. Growth isn’t a straight line—it’s a journey through these four stages:

1. Clarity: First, we need to be clear about what we want to achieve. Without clarity, failure feels like falling in the dark. Ask yourself: What am I aiming for? What does success look like?
2. Courage: Pursuing meaningful goals takes courage. You’ll face risks, setbacks, and the fear of judgment. As Theodore Roosevelt said in his famous Man in the Arena quote: “It is not the critic who counts... the credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood.”
3. Capability: Capability grows through experience. Failure teaches us skills, resilience, and problem-solving. Reflect on what didn’t work and how you can do better next time.
4. Confidence: Confidence doesn’t come from avoiding failure; it comes from overcoming it. By gaining clarity, showing courage, and building capability, you develop the confidence that you can achieve your goals.

Moving Forward When Mistakes Hurt

Recovering from mistakes starts with self-compassion. Instead of shaming yourself, recognise that failure is part of being human. Share your struggles with a trusted friend or mentor—they can offer perspective and remind you that you’re not alone.

Then, focus on action. Ask yourself: What is the next best step I can take? Action, no matter how small, builds momentum and helps you regain a sense of control.

Remind yourself that having Courage is the first step to Daring Greatly and even if we fail, we should be proud of the fact that we had a go!

Embracing the Growth Mindset

Failure isn’t final; it’s formative. When we embrace our mistakes as opportunities to learn, we unlock the true potential of growth. As Brené Brown teaches, “You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”

The danger lies not in failing but in never trying. Growth demands that we step into the arena, risk falling, and rise again. Stagnation might feel safe, but it leads nowhere. Remember, clarity helps us define our goals, courage gets us moving, capability comes from practice, and confidence is earned through persistence.

So, step into the arena. Fail forward. And know that every stumble is bringing you closer to the clarity, courage, capability, and confidence you need to achieve your dreams.

When we get this right, everything becomes much easier and we do not waste our valuable energy on shame or regret through putting our focus on other people's opinions, but instead move forward with a renewed sense of purpose and wisdom towards what we know is most important to us.

The better it gets, the better it gets!

At Shine Executive, we love supporting organisations to create a high-performance culture by bringing out the best in their people. We can help your people succeed personally and professionally.

Our High Performing Teams, Sales Leadership and Psychological Safety workshops are here to help build cohesive, engaged, productive and effective teams.

We are here to help with speaking, consulting, training, conferences, coaching or offsite events and specialise in the following areas:

High Performing Teams | Leadership | Sales Training | EQ & Neuroscience | Financial Services Sales & Service | DISC Personality Profiles | Five Behaviours of Cohesive Teams | Positive Psychology | GROWTH Coaching

Our bespoke people and performance solutions are created to meet your unique business needs, time available and working environment - so if you have something that's important to you why not Book your free 30 minute call now to discuss. We'd love to hear from you.

Or contact us at [email protected] or +61 423 936090.

Naomi Oyston has more than twenty years leadership experience within the Corporate, Financial and SME Business sectors.? She has had extensive executive level success, with direct responsibility for leading the implementation and performance assessment of Customer Service Excellence, Sales Performance, Performance Coaching, Organisational Culture, Productivity and Leadership training within multiple major corporations.

Passionate, engaging and insightful, Naomi specialises in helping business leaders to create High Performing teams through a combination of mindset, toolkits and skillsets that are street proven to deliver results that matter.