Why Emotional Emails Are a Productivity Killer?—?and How to Respond Smarter

In every case, it’s a good idea to allow some time between stimulus and response.

“I’m really pissed off by your message!”

“You don’t understand how much you got me into trouble!”

“What the hell is wrong with you!”

How many times did you think this way when you received an email? And what did you do when you received the last email that triggered your emotions?

Come on, be honest.

No, you didn’t call the sender, trying to soothe emotions or understand the situation. No, you didn’t give it some time between stimulus and response, you replied immediately, still in a rage.

If you didn’t reply immediately, you probably talked to your colleagues about the evil person who wrote that email, causing yourself and your colleagues to get further into rage and wasting precious time you could have used more productively.

I’m no angel, either. Building a company from scratch is a roller coaster, and all those setbacks during those many years of grind can sometimes be emotional. Furthermore, even if most people are great to work with, you encounter the occasional asshole along your entrepreneurial journey.

Here are some real-life examples from my roles as the Founder & CEO of Yonder.

Example 1: Potential Partnerships

Now and then, I get approached by both small and large companies if we are interested in partnering with them. Usually, this starts with an email along the lines of “Hey, we really love what you do, is there any way we can work together for the benefit of both of us?”

The first thing is to jump on a call with them, trying to understand what they are looking for in a partnership. Sometimes, they want to sell something to us. Sometimes, they want to sell our product and take a commission. Sometimes, they need an interface from our software to theirs. And sometimes they ask you outright if your company is for sale.

Some partnerships eventually make it to the signature, some don’t.?

Recently, we decided not to pursue a couple of partnerships that we discussed for quite some time for strategic reasons.?

One of the potential partners reacted by saying that our decision was regrettable but smart, the other partner reacted with an angry email that he wouldn’t understand why we wouldn’t agree to his compelling proposal.

Remember the statements above??

“I’m really pissed off by your message!”

“You don’t understand how much you got me into trouble!”

“What the hell is wrong with you!”

I don’t know which of those reactions I triggered by passing on the potential partnership. But it’s so much smarter to say that you regret but understand a decision, rather than writing emotional emails.

Example 2: Misunderstandings

Sometimes, things are hectic. That’s why busy professionals use emails rather than talking to each other. Emails allow you to react at any time of the day or night, or even worse, to react while doing something else such as attending a meeting.

It’s those hectic, quick email reactions while doing something else that are responsible for the majority of misunderstandings in emails. If you want to make things worse, put lots of typos into the message and add a few people to the cc line, and you can be sure somebody down the line will misunderstand your message and react emotionally?—?usually by reply-to-all.

Example 3: Project Difficulties

Project execution sounds simple on paper, but it’s hard. It’s hard enough if you do an internal project, for example, develop a new app. Imagine how much harder it is to do a customer project in a different time zone and a different cultural background. A lot can go wrong, on both sides.

When things go wrong, culture eats project management for breakfast. In our organization, there is zero organizational politics. We don’t play games and blame internal stakeholders. In some of our enterprise customer organizations, this is vastly different. Politics are omnipresent, and people blame and bully each other as well as our teams.

And then, of course, they become emotional when their games become public or it becomes apparent that the mistake is on their side. They threaten all sorts of things, because they fear the consequences of their political organizations.

And yes, they usually air their threats and frustration through an email with lots of people on the cc line.

What to Do, and What Not to?Do

In every case, it’s a good idea to allow some time between stimulus and response. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t react at all, nor does it mean to react way too late, but sleeping over it is almost always a good idea.

In return, when receiving an emotional email, show some largesse. Maybe there was a misunderstanding. Maybe the poor sender is under immense pressure. The easiest way to find out is to pick up the phone and call the person.

And finally, if you encounter one of those assholes that blames and bullies people: Stand up, defend your principles, and remove the asshole from your life.?

Growing a company ?? in uncertain times ???? is like running a marathon?—?it demands grit, strategy, and resilience.

As a tech entrepreneur ??, active reserve officer ??, and father of three ??????, I share practical insights and experience on entrepreneurship and resilience in The Resilient Entrepreneur, my weekly newsletter.

When I’m not solving problems, I recharge and find inspiration in the breathtaking mountains ??? around Zermatt ????.

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