Why easy isn't necessarily better

Children learn from watching their parents, siblings, teachers, peers, and anyone else in their environment. They also listen to what is said and remember more than we give them credit for. So, it is very important to stay consistent with your messaging if you want to raise grounded children who neither lose their heads nor their grip on what really matters.?

Why am I saying all this? Mainly because an incident with Mahi made me think. We all got covid around two weeks ago. My daughter handled it fairly well, but she was very stressed out at the thought that she had Grade 12 IB Math mock exams barely 5 days later. Thankfully the exams were online, but she wasn’t in a physical or mental state to handle a subject that she has always been afraid of.?

I listened to her complain about how unfair it was, how she had been working hard but for Math her efforts never bore fruit, how the timing always went against her. I listened for a while and then I told her a few things that I believe every child should know.?

1. You do not have control over circumstances. Basically, things happen and to expect them to unfold only the way you want, is not realistic. The best way to deal with them is not to insist that they happen only in a certain manner. That would limit your ability to adapt. But having said that, preparation counts. Do a little bit every day – don’t think that you will have time later. This way, you are always ready. And more importantly, you do not need excuses.?
2. If everything always went your way, what would you learn? It may seem to you that some of your friends have it easy. They have tutors, parents who have more resources or they seem to have all the luck on their side. It is true that we all think that many others have it better than we do. But the point is – so what? Everyone has his or her own journey. Yours may look more challenging but it may also lend itself to more learning and growing. If you never have to think on your feet to solve a problem or learn to find a different solution than the one you have initially thought of, how do you develop resilience in your thought processes? It is totally worth it to go through ups and downs – it stokes the fire in your belly and most importantly, it teaches you to not take anything for granted.?
3. Nothing is as important as you think it is. I understand that as a student, school life fills your world, and exams are seen as the only things that matter. It is a matter of perspective. Doing well in exams is not the only thing that counts. And most often doing really well in exams doesn’t teach you how to survive – it just shows the world that you know how to study. Exams do not decide what happens to you – your attitude in the face of the unpredictable decides how you carry yourself in adversity. Prepare for challenges and not for a smooth ride. Feel the road, don’t get too comfortable, and have fun. Enjoying your journey makes it more meaningful. At least that is what I have learnt over so many years dealing with autism.

?She listened to me. And we talked. After a while, she went upstairs to get back to work. And soon she forgot she was even stressed. She didn’t do great on her Math exam but she didn’t do as badly as she feared either. Sometimes, just the reassurance that no matter what, things will turn out well is enough to buoy your child’s spirits. Give them your time, attention, your words – listen, communicate - it matters a lot more than you think.?