Why don't you speak up?

I was asked that at the bakery when I was 7 years old. I still remember this moment as if it was yesterday. They couldn't hear me as I was undeniably shy.

Or was I?

Through years of introspection, getting coached, studying human behaviour, I realised it wasn't as simple as that.

I came to the awareness and conclusion that there were two key influences that drove me to become a "nice person".

One, the undeniable influence of patriarchy and in addition a domineering narcissistic father who wanted girls to be seen, not heard.

Secondly, my inherent behaviour type that values comfort, being liked and connection. On top of this behaviour, which comes easily and naturally to me, I stacked a whole host of complementing beliefs defending my position and a stack of unconscious bias, judging others different to me.

• "Being friends and being liked is more important than being competitive."
• "People who only talk facts are cold and don't care."
• "I value community over outcomes."
• "Conflict is bad and scary."

Yep, that was the world I was living in, which meant I was seeking approval from people who didn't care about being friends and just wanted to get on with the project.

I became a People Pleaser. Blergh!!

When I attended my first Extended DISC training in 2014 and saw my profile black and white, I broke out in tears. There was the proof, my tendency to be "nice", to avoid conflict, to resist change, to be "liked". Oh no!

This had already cost me so much. Missed career opportunities, friendships. The list goes on.

For so long I had felt trapped inside and didn't see a path out. And here was a system, that told me who I was naturally and provided me a pathway to grow, to stretch and develop behavioural flexibility in a sustainable manner.

It was at that point, that my career changed. I had finally found my voice, decided to have a go, spoke up, developed the ability to remain present and centred in conflict, relishing it for an opportunity to redefine the relationship.

I no longer judge people, that just want to talk facts and outcomes. In fact, I see them as a valuable point of difference adding to the behavioural diversity that is so key for a high performing person and team.

I developed deep empathy when I see people behave, for I know, what I see is the tip of a layer cake of values, beliefs and core drivers of an identity they seek to defend.

Behavioural change is hard. Most people try and then snap right back into their comfort zone, if there isn't a system, a path forward and a champion coach cheering them on.

Five years on, I am an Extended DISC consultant, specialising in coaching individuals in their careers, working with teams, leaders and leadership cultures and being an all round lots more outspoken person.

My relationships have improved. I am a happier and more congruent person. I try new things and when they make me feel uncomfortable, I know I'm on the right path.

It is your quest and responsibility to the world to not hold yourselves back.

We have so much to share.

Be your own Hero.

Get in touch with me for a complimentary conversation on how I can help you and start the quest to discovering yourself.

About

Christiane is a certified coach, extended DISC consultant, facilitator, trainer and all round fun person sprinkled with directness and empathy.

She lives in Melbourne with her two daughters and her cat Lotte. She believes in creating a sustainable world and is currently building a global carbon neutral company where remote collaboration, coaching and training is the way of the future.