Why don’t we talk more about how difficult pregnancy is?
Don’t tell me I’m glowing
As a pregnant woman, I hate it when people tell me I’m glowing. I find it patronizing. There are so many expectations put on women around the idea of pregnancy, how we are supposed to look pregnant, act pregnant, be treated a certain way because we are pregnant — and so much of that is steeped in patriarchy.
Also, I don’t believe that I’m glowing. What are people even talking about? I wear makeup to try and hide the bags under my eyes. Honestly, would people be telling me I was ‘glowing’ if I wasn’t pregnant?
Pregnancy is hard, and I want to hear more stories about how difficult it is. I want to push against the pressure to perform femininity ‘beautifully and just right.’
Limited capacity
One thing that has struck me while being pregnant is how I am still expected to produce for capitalism.?
That may sound extreme, but currently, I am not able to do all the things I used to do before becoming pregnant. My capacity at the moment is very much limited. And I sometimes feel awful and stressed about it. There’s a part of me that feels like I should be ‘performing’ my job just as well as when I wasn’t pregnant.
领英推荐
Pregnancy brain, the struggle is real
For me, pregnancy brain is more than just weird and annoying. It’s been hampering my work since it depends on me having critical analysis, being sharp and able to work fast, saying just the right thing.
I have had to deal with not being able to work in the same way as before I was expecting, and it’s been difficult to accept. Our culture is very work obsessed.
Raising the bar for everyone
When we look at the parental policies in other countries, we see that the United States, in comparison, really screws women and everyone when it comes to? pregnant bodies. While we as a society are obsessed with pregnant women, there is simultaneously such a lack of reverence and grace for pregnancy in our systems and policies.
If this country did what was good for pregnant bodies, working mothers, and families, then the bar would be raised for everyone. This was something I knew intellectually, but it wasn’t until I began living it that I truly realized it.
The more you know
For all those pregnant people out there, and those who have been pregnant in the past, what are some of the not-so-great things you know now that you wish you knew going in? What do you wish people had told you about the ‘miracle of life?’
(Formerly pregnant) - there was just TOO much advice. I’m glad I found Emily Oster, because I connected with her books and site. I found it important to recognize what resonated with me and what did NOT - no matter how popular or trendy it was.
Co Director at BIPOC Executive Directors’ Coalition of WA
3 年Congratulations Fleur! I always wondered why pregnancy was so hard on my body when it is the most natural thing to do. I’m 26 yrs post first pregnancy now. As hard as it is, it’s worth it and the bigger challenges come later. The birthing process was the most miraculous and profound experience of my life. Journal right after birth, because you would be surprised at how memory changes over time, and it good to have a real time documentation of the birthing process that you can look back at.
Registrar and Admissions Manager
3 年(Formerly pregnant) Prepare for constant commentary on your body. “Wow you got BIG” “You are carrying that baby low” “OMG How much weight have you gained?” “Are you sure you don’t have triplets in there?” “Well, those boobs will come in handy for nursing!”