Why Don’t Managers Do What I Want? 4 Possibilities

Last month’s Business Practical Magic explored the question, "Why don’t employees do what I want?" (In case you missed it, click here.) As promised, this month, I’ll shed light on the question from the other side: "Why doesn’t my manager do what I want?"

When I was an individual contributor, I had my own stories about how my leaders were making my life harder. I also had a big story about why they weren’t seeing my brilliance compared to others. Sound familiar?

Once I was promoted and leaders became my peers, those stories were quickly challenged.

These insights won’t apply to every situation—managers are human (gasp!). We make mistakes. But typically, we aren’t trying to make our employees’ lives more difficult. Hopefully, these four insights will help decrease the tension between individual contributors and leaders, creating a more successful work experience for everyone.

1. Why don’t managers address obvious issues? Conflict Avoidance

During focus groups I’ve conducted as part of organizational analysis projects, it’s common to hear someone say, “Why does this person get away with X behavior, and I can’t?” Nothing disrupts a culture like that perception.

Here’s the reality: conflict is challenging for most leaders, and many never receive training on how to do this effectively. Addressing major issues, like setting business direction, is one thing. It’s quite another to address small, day-to-day personal conflicts. No one gets promoted thinking, “I can’t wait to tell Stacey that her outfit is inappropriate for work.” Ignoring the issue, at least for the moment, often seems easier.

Sometimes, managers simply don’t know the behavior is happening. Their workloads can be so overwhelming that they miss daily issues other employees find obvious—until the problem escalates.

Leaders need to find their voice when it comes to addressing conflict. Not every conversation has to be a serious intervention. Sometimes, a simple discussion is all it takes: “Stacey, what you are wearing today isn’t appropriate for our environment. Do you have any questions about our dress code? Let’s talk about it.”

2. Why do they say inappropriate things? Fear of Unintentional Discrimination

Few things are more uncomfortable for a leader than being called into HR for a discrimination investigation—especially when the leader had no discriminatory intent. Most leaders are reasonable humans (there’s that word again), but we all operate from our version of the world.

Many leaders stumble over their words or actions because they don’t fully understand how unconscious bias or prejudice manifests in the workplace. They’re unsure what constitutes discrimination or how to create an inclusive environment.

Those leaders who excel in this area likely pursued education on their own. While compliance training helps build basic knowledge, the real work of inclusion requires honest, deep discussions—which don’t often happen after online training. (This isn’t my consulting area, but I know excellent experts in my network. Feel free to reach out.)

3. Why can’t I work from home, make my own hours, etc.? Limited Control

I bet I’ve read at least one hundred books on leadership during my career, but I can’t recall any that prepared me for how little control I’d have over my team’s daily work lives.

Of course, leaders want to help their teams succeed. We’d prefer to say yes to requests, especially knowing how hard it can be for employees to even ask. But leadership often means dancing in the middle.

When employees come with a request, leaders usually have to seek approval from someone higher up. Rarely do leaders have the autonomy to make these decisions on their own.

Leaders are also responsible for fairness across the team and the organization. Saying yes to one employee’s request can create a gray area for others—and organizations don’t do well in the gray.

4. Why didn’t they just tell me why I didn’t get the promotion or raise? Delivering Bad News is Hard

This is different from addressing behavioral issues. In this case, employees don’t get what they expected —usually a promotion or a compensation increase—and their manager has to tell them.

This does not get easier for a leader over time. Leaders know this affects the employee. It affects them and sometimes negatively changes their relationship with their leader.

Promotions don’t happen in a vacuum. There is usually a process involving multiple candidates and decision-makers. When an internal employee doesn’t get the job, it is tough for the leader responsible for breaking the news. It is also hard knowing it may impact the employee’s performance while they adjust and maybe explore their options. We genuinely understand because we have been there.

Similarly, when employees ask for an off-cycle raise, and the answer is no, the decision often comes from higher up.

Hope is powerful, and sometimes it seems easier to avoid delivering bad news. But if you’re an employee who has not heard from your leader, ask. And if you’re a leader, be upfront about the decision. Yes, it’s uncomfortable, but it’s part of the role.

My intention with today’s topic is the same as the first article: to find common ground and more empathy. The less we create an “us vs. them” environment, the better we can work together and create positive business results.

What are your thoughts? What have you seen leaders take an action that puzzled you or seemed ineffective? Do you have advice for leaders on how to navigate the above situations?

#Leadership #Management #HR #Business #Consulting