Why Does Someone Attempt Suicide?

What drives someone to the point, whereby they attempt to take their own life?

This article comes with a *Trigger Warning* and I want to reassure everyone, I'm in a safe place to write this, only read on if you're in a good place mentally.

I've been speaking to survivors and friends from suicide prevention charities on how I can best communicate the "Attempted Suicide" side of things and I was reminded; whilst many people can relate in some way to the families bereaved by suicide, through the grief they've experienced on losing a loved one, the only ones who can relate to attempted suicide, are those who have been there.

If I'm totally honest with you, it's something I've never really thought about before. When your life has been heavily impacted by suicide, like mine has for the past seven years, it can be difficult and painful to change the view from your own "window of the world" and step outside of the safe environment you've created, to experience other people's views and opinions.

However, if we are to inform others and bring about effective change, which will ultimately reduce the number of suicide attempts and deaths, then we will all need to face difficult truths, listen to other people's perspectives and share our lived experiences in a meaningful way, which is informative and considerate of others.

Therefore, I'd like to try and explain, the best I can, what leads to someone thinking about suicide and I think my current circumstances might be easier for you to understand. So, I'm going to try and explain how things can build up into the "Perfect Storm" and then relate elements to my own storm, which is creating the thoughts I've been managing.

I need you to understand that "Suicide" isn't a diagnosable mental illness or some form of health condition, it is an "Outcome", an action someone takes and whilst it can be traced back to their having mental ill health, it isn't always, therefore it's important we remember this distinction. There's usually a specific issue or collection of issues, which can build up to create the "Perfect Storm" situation I speak of, overwhelming the individual and can build up very quickly and suddenly, within hours, or happens over a period of days, weeks, months and even years.

I'm sure you've all heard of "Resilience", we all have this at varying levels, with some people being naturally more resilient than others, though you can learn how to increase your resiliency and when you're more resilient, you'll generally be able to better manage higher levels of stress.

The analogy used to explain this, often refers to resilience as a "Bucket or Container" which is inside us all and the more resilient you are, the bigger your container. All those problems we experience in life go into this container and if we know how to manage them healthily we can empty it, but, if you don't know how to or the problems become so big, just one problem fills the container, it overflows and this is called "Emotional Snapping". It usually presents itself as you having a go at someone over the smallest of problems, it's got nothing to do with the issue at that point, it's all the other problems which have built up over time and haven't been processed. Watch a video demonstrating this below,

Now, imagine a series of problems, or one huge problem, which leads to someone experiencing this "Emotional Snapping", but, instead of them having a go at someone, they're so overwhelmed by the issue and their emotions, they begin to lose all hope and it is at this point dark thoughts begin to manifest. This could be seen as somewhat, an over simplification of what happens, and for some people their experience could well be different, but, it does give a general explanation of the process.

Relating this to my specific situation, remembering everyone's an individual and their set of circumstances are unique to them, the key issues which are really making me struggle right now are;

1. Experiencing chronic pain all day, every day
2. Feeling isolated and extremely lonely
3. Trying to manage Complex PTSD and potential ADHD Inattention, impacting emotional regulation
4. Being frustrated by the lack of support available for both physical and mental aspects

A recent example of the last one I mention about, "frustration by the lack of support" is; I've been receiving trauma therapy for my complex post-traumatic stress, until recently, when it was decided to pause this due to several social problems making it extremely difficult for me to focus on the work I need to do in-between sessions and resulting in my experiencing bouts of "Crisis". Fair enough, I agree with this. But, when I asked them what support I'll get for my suicidal ideation, they informed me the therapy was also to help me manage these thoughts, the very therapy they are now discharging me from, because of my being in and out of crisis. So currently, I have no support to help me manage during the darker times, aside from the knowledge and skills I already use to keep me safe day to day!

Forgetting for the moment, how this has happened to me multiple times before, and imagine this is the first time of my being here. With all the above issues happening to me and the recent news of my discharge from therapy and frustrations over the lack of support, it is at this point, when the dark thoughts begin to creep in. Nothing intrusive initially, you might not even be fully aware of them, it could begin with you generally thinking, "What's the point?", but not connecting this to anything dark or any kind of intent as yet, more a subconscious thought. Then, as things keep spinning round in your head, maybe some more issues arise, the pressure and emotions build, it feels like every time you ask for help or think you've got an answer, life knocks you down again and these thoughts begin to get louder, before you know it, the dark thoughts become conscious ones and you're starting to convince yourself, this could actually be an option!

You see, you're so caught up in this "perfect storm" everything becomes extremely overwhelming, you cannot think properly, your emotions are all over the place and your mind begins to play tricks, telling you how worthless you are, no-one cares, in fact they would be better off without you and now all your senses are in chaos, you don't know what to believe or which way is up.

"I don't want to die, but, I don't want to keep experiencing this and only existing in life, what's the point!?"

A statement made, or along these lines, by the majority of people who make an attempt or complete suicide and leave a note. The level of physical, mental and emotional pain has become so overwhelming, in addition to the frustrations of not getting support or seeing any other way out of the situation you're in, suddenly, you do begin to tell yourself this is an option. I personally don't want to die, BUT, I'm also exhausted with experiencing so much pain, feeling like I'm merely existing in life and being so very lonely most of the time, I find myself asking the above question over and over and over again!

So what can you do if you or someone you know, finds yourself in this position? Well, what has worked for me and those individuals I have helped and supported through such times is to;

• Find a strong "Purpose" in life; mine is to help others by sharing my, and other peoples, lived experiences to inform, inspire and empower, whilst giving hope.
• Learn your "Meaning" (what value you bring); mine is the ability to talk, to share authentically and be relatable.
• Identify your "Identity"; who you are as a person, your values, beliefs, strengths and weaknesses, how you view the world and why you are this way. I'm still working on this haha, never said I was perfect with all the answers!

If you can work out these three key things and then find a way to believe in the power of hope, as in honestly and truly with all of your being, believe there is hope. These things will give you the strength to survive the darkest of times and believe you deserve to.

What I want to do now, is reassure you. Help and support IS out there, with multiple options aside from the NHS available, though I would recommend you get yourself into the healthcare system asap, because many of you won't have as complex cases like my situation and the professional support available through the NHS will work for your specific case and enable you to move on with your life. Depending on how early you ask for help, how long it's been going on for and how complex your situation is, will impact the length of time it takes and the difficulty of your journey, so I cannot and would not say to anyone; it's all plain sailing from when you begin to receive help and support.

But, what I will say is this; when you put the work in and stick with it, there's every opportunity for you to come out of this; stronger, more resilient and with a better understanding of yourself and respect for life. I believe in you and I need you to believe in yourself or at the very least, have belief there's hope, because I am here to show you, to prove to you, there is ALWAYS HOPE!

?#SuicideAwareness #SuicidePrevention #Suicide #SuicideSurvivor #Hope #Belief #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness